180 funny office quotes - Page 3 - Wordgag

If you’re just talking nonsense all the time and not thinking about what you’re doing, you’re either in love or at the office.

May 21, 2026

Anyone who thinks office jobs are harmless has never cut their finger on paper.

May 21, 2026

Every morning when that damn alarm clock goes off, I just feel it so much: A million-dollar inheritance suits me much better than an office job.

May 21, 2026May 21, 2026

Show me in the employee handbook where it says I can’t make weird noises in my cubicle.

May 20, 2026

That pen in the junk drawer that hasn’t been used in four years picked today to have an attitude.

May 20, 2026

I should’ve been a crow. They get to fly around looking goth as hell and seeking retribution. Instead, I have to go to an office and work on my ‘people skills.’

May 20, 2026

Accidentally used my real personality at work today… heading to HR now.

May 20, 2026

Not much is worse than that feeling of going back to work after a lunch, or a vacation, or just going to work in general.

May 20, 2026

My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.

May 20, 2026

It’s funny how when you’re at work, “Go to hell” comes out as “No problem.”

May 20, 2026

Stay an extra hour in the office and no one cares. Arrive a few minutes late and everyone loses their minds.

May 20, 2026

The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.

May 20, 2026

I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.

May 20, 2026

Just a reminder that you’re not allowed to hit your coworkers. Even if they’re stupid. I asked. Twice.

May 20, 2026

Apparently “ew no” is not an acceptable way to tell my boss I don’t want more responsibility at work.

May 20, 2026

My intern was born in 2007. I have unread emails older than that.

May 20, 2026

Every job is either 8 hours of getting exposed to cancer-causing chemicals or 8 hours of staring at a Microsoft Excel sheet.

May 20, 2026

Good morning, did you have a nice weekend? I ask my many open work tabs.

May 19, 2026

My favorite part of my workday is when I grab my shit and leave.

May 19, 2026

On my phone, you’ll never see contacts saved as ‘babe’ or ‘love.’ I save full names—first and last—like a government office.

May 19, 2026

Imagine working at Pornhub. At like the corporate office as a developer or whatever. White collar. That’s gotta be a weird job. Working there has gotta be bloody weird.

May 19, 2026

Got sent to HR for calling someone a “jellyfish” — just floating around all day, doing absolutely nothing.

May 19, 2026

I started calling the new guy at work “Grok” because he thinks he knows everything.

May 19, 2026

Actually, no one sees you at your worst like your coworkers do.

May 19, 2026

My boss was like, “People working from home are just pretending to work,” and it’s like, dude, what do you think I’m doing in the office?

May 19, 2026

I stopped adding “Let me know if you have any more questions!” to my emails because don’t email me again.

May 19, 2026

I’ve just learned terrible news. My department at work is planning a team-building retreat. Thank you for your thoughts during this difficult time.

May 19, 2026

My talents include sneaking out of work early on a Friday.

May 19, 2026

Corporate life requires an ass-licking skill set I simply wasn’t born with.

May 19, 2026

Movies in the 80s had me convinced that a main part of being a grown-up was staying late at the office and eating Chinese takeout.

May 19, 2026

Worst thing about cutting off all your hair is you go to work and everyone treats you like Today’s Special Boy.

May 19, 2026

Stopped using exclamation points in work messages so my coworkers know they’ve killed my spirit.

May 19, 2026

Being liked at work comes with so many perks, you could be late as hell, and everyone is just happy to see you.

May 19, 2026

On my way to HR again for nicknaming my coworker “Mastercard” because they take credit for other people’s work.

May 19, 2026

Coolest part about starting a new job is the immunity to disease you get for 3 months till you get sick days.

May 19, 2026

I mean, sex is all right, but have you ever experienced the sheer sensuality of having rock-solid proof that a problem at work was someone else’s fault, even though it really, really looked like it was yours?

May 19, 2026

Might mess around and reply, “That sounds like a you problem,” to every work email today.

May 19, 2026

At the doctor’s office, booing all the names being called that aren’t mine.

May 19, 2026

I think my phone is broken. I pressed the home button, but I’m still at work.

May 18, 2026

Mondays are for pretending. Real work begins on Tuesday.

May 18, 2026