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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

Once you realize that the general public is retarded, you stop caring about how crazy you look to them.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

Wearing white pants today, so it’s really just a matter of time before I spill something on myself.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

I think fathers lose their mind a little bit when they realize their daughters aren’t as forgiving as their wives.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

I am stoned and laying in bed reading, and the idea of Santa going on Ozempic popped into my head, and I whispered, “No!”

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

Just a few more hours of scrolling, and then I will finally know.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

A person becomes 10 times more attractive not by their looks but by photoshop.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

I used to judge cat owners for giving in to their pets’ whims too easily, but holy shit, these animals are relentless and would starve themselves to organ failure just because one time, weeks ago, they had a taste of some ‘better’ food.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

If “live each day as if it’s your last” means being paralyzed with anxiety and a sense of impending doom, then I am absolutely nailing it.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

The man who invented autocorrect walks into a barn. He orders a bear.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,596

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Reddit:

Asian girl at tech company: Wow, everyone here is so friendly.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

You can tell me what you want, but alcohol and eye contact are a dangerous combination.

Going viral on Messenger:

If it weren’t for this whole job thingy that pays me money, I’d become a professional nap taker.

Breaking via Facebook:

Sorry for zoning out, bro. It’s just, I’ve been having a bad day for several years.

Trending via WeChat:

“I’ll just iron my clothes for work in the morning,” he thought in stupid bachelor.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I lied. There’s no sex. Can you help me put this fitted sheet on my mattress?

Just landed via WeChat:

I got called “pretty” today! Well, the full sentence was “You’re pretty annoying,” but I only focus on the positive things.

Making waves on X:

Three wise men? I highly doubt that.

Making waves on Messenger:

Gonna waterboard my houseplants so they know who’s the boss.

Just shared via YouTube:

I really thought impromptu dance-offs were going to be more common.

Funny people treat quotes

New funny people treat quotes 👇

When I take a walk, I bring dog treats and people treats. I almost never mix them up.

0

2 months ago

activity, bring, dog, dog treat, humor, i, never, outdoor, outdoor activity, owner, people, people treat, pet, pet owner, take, treat, walk

All funny people treat quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

32 shares on Pinterest this month:

I need a leaf blower, but for people.

35 shares on Discord this month:

I’m so lucky people can’t hear what I’m thinking.

30 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Ever since I was a little kid, I knew that I wanted to be late for work.

85 shares on YouTube this month:

Fake laughing at work is mentally exhausting. Please just leave me alone.

80 shares on YouTube this month:

When I see chocolate, I hear two voices inside me. One says: “Eat it!”. The other says: “Did you hear that? You’re supposed to eat it!”

77 shares on Instagram this month:

Dear razor commercials, please stop shaving hairless legs. If you want to impress someone, shave a gorilla.

41 shares on Messenger this month:

I bet the kids in Mrs. Doubtfire were surprised when found out their nanny was famous actor Robin Williams the whole time.

43 shares on TikTok this month:

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.

26 shares on TikTok this month:

Offering someone food, and secretly hoping, they don’t want it.

19 shares on YouTube this month:

Sober in a taxi: Please. Stop talking to me. Drunk in a taxi: … And that, Mick, is why I’m emotionally unavailable, I suppose.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

Germany is now advising people to stock up on cheese and sausages. This is called the Wurst Käse scenario.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

Whatever you do today, do it with the confidence of a 4-year old wearing a Batman cape.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

I’m only an introvert until I meet people worth extroverting with.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

Just saw someone my age running and she wasn’t chasing an ice-cream truck.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

Please stop calling 911 when you see me dancing. I’m fine!

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

That awkward moment when you’re about to leave work and your boss says “before you go”.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

Don’t worry password, I’m insecure too.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, please put some money in its pocket.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

I got a lot of Jedi advice for somebody who could be turned to the dark side by moderate traffic.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

If your wife uses “I” it means she will be doing something. “We” means you will be.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

When is a robot gonna take over my job? Please?

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

I wish I loved anything as much as my two year old loves pulling my pants down.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Babe, wake up, it’s stupid outside!

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Might mess around and reply to all work emails with “make me”.

Trending via Messenger:

Sex makes you happy. So I understand your dissatisfaction.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Death cannot harm me more than you have harmed me, my beloved life.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

November should have one more day. Just because to me November 31st sounds real. And also I don’t want to pay rent tomorrow.

Shared recently on Slack:

My superpower? I can look you right in the eyes while you’re talking and not hear a single word you said.

Breaking via WeChat:

Maybe the real American dream is the debt we collected along the way.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Some people stay longer in a toilet than in a relationship.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Funny people treat quotes

New funny people treat quotes 👇

When I take a walk, I bring dog treats and people treats. I almost never mix them up.

All funny people treat quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨