Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

I’m convinced the washing machine is a portal to another dimension for socks.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

The worst thing you can do while cleaning is sit down for a minute.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

Intro to salsa class was weird, I starved myself all day, there was no chips or dips and then these weirdos were all grabby and dancing around.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

I often wonder how men could discover entire continents. Mine can’t even find the butter in the fridge.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

I watch “Law and Order” so much that when I turn off the TV, I wipe my fingerprints off the remote.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

Ginger ale is the champagne of soda.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

I thought the noise my husband’s stomach was making was never going to end last night until I realized it was a motorbike outside.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

When you realize your punishments as a kid (stay home, take a nap, no junk food, go to bed early) are now your goals as an adult.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

I will charge a 25% tariff on my steely gaze.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

Every time you give someone the benefit, they deliver the doubt.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,728

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Telegram:

I never met a problem I couldn’t make worse.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Waiting in the grocery store parking lot for the rotisserie chickens to be ready. The thrill of the hunt.

Making waves on Instagram:

Well, well, well, if it isn’t the same bill I couldn’t afford to pay in a different color.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

People be like “I love your energy” – then drain it.

Spotted on Instagram:

It’s comical when I lean back in my chair only to realize it’s a stool.

Trending via Slack:

For someone with a dry phone, I’m on it way too much.

Going viral on Instagram:

That pile of clothes on my bed, seems to have strange powers and gets higher on its own.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Pressure washing is like regular washing but with a lot of yelling and tight deadlines.

Trending via Instagram:

Being single is so crazy. What do you mean there’s No One?

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Born to screenshot everything and never look at it again.

19 Funny remark quotes

Funny remark quotes are the perfect sprinkle of humor 🍰 to brighten your day and spark laughter 😂 in any conversation. Whether you’re looking to lighten the mood or drop a witty one-liner 💬, these clever gems will have you grinning from ear to ear 😄. Get ready to unleash your inner comedian and spread some good vibes! 🎉✨

New funny remark quotes 👇

If you have nothing nice to say, I promise you that I’ll have something even worse to say back.

7 days ago

argument, attitude, back, comebacks, conversation, even, humor, i, insult, nice, nothing, promise, remark, sarcasm, say, something, witty, witty remark, worse
I do not have a “body count.” I have a curious spirit.

7 days ago

body, body count, count, curiosity, dating, humor, i, remark, self-description, spirit, witty, witty remark
I must retire to my chambers about this.

7 days ago

chamber, formal, formal language, humor, i, language, old fashioned, remark, retire, witty, witty remark
Can I come over and circle you like a vulture?

1 week ago

circle, clever, dating, flirting, humor, humorous, humorous remark, i, joke, over, playful, remark, sarcasm, teasing, witty
Ugh, but profoundly.

1 week ago

attitude, expression, frustration, humor, irony, remark, sarcasm, ugh, witty, witty remark
You’re no Sultan of Swing, buddy, you’re hardly a Governor of Groove.

1 week ago

buddy, comparison, genre, groove, humor, music, music genre, musical, musical skill, playful, playful tease, remark, rhythm, sarcasm, skill, swing, tease, witty, witty remark
Oh, you drink black coffee? Tell your ulcer I said good morning.

1 week ago

black, black coffee, coffee, drink, good, good morning, humor, i, morning, oh, remark, sarcasm, tell, ulcer, witty, witty remark
When life gives you lemons maybe think to yourself, “that’s really quite remarkable given how far I live from a climate capable of growing citrus.”

1 week ago

citru, climate, humor, irony, lemon, life, live, perspective, remark
To the people who have only fans, what’s stopping you from upgrading to an air conditioner?

1 week ago

air, air conditioner, conditioner, context, fans, humor, only, people, remark, upgrade, witty, witty remark
I wonder if this is all happening because I opened that umbrella inside.

1 week ago

bad, bad luck, coincidence, funny remark, happening, humor, i, inside, luck, questioning, remark, superstition, umbrella, wonder

For even more funny remark quotes, hit next 👇

All funny remark quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

54 shares on Snapchat this month:

I really want an emotional support octopus so I can train it to slap people and shoplift.

40 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’ve cooked for men I should have poisoned, so yeah, I do have self-control.

72 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Your skull is the only thing preventing your brain from floating away, unburdened as it is by any meaningful thought to anchor it.

23 shares on Reddit this month:

I disagree with my politics.

10 shares on YouTube this month:

One day I will start learning from my mistakes. Today is not that day. Tomorrow isn’t looking so good either.

75 shares on WhatsApp this month:

This entire year has been the Nightmare Before Christmas.

30 shares on Messenger this month:

Half the world is mentally ill. The other half is to blame.

82 shares on Telegram this month:

Pretty sure the inventor of noise-canceling headphones had a young kid trying to learn an instrument.

86 shares on YouTube this month:

Bottle of Worcestershire sauce tipped over in my fridge. The mess is unpronounceable.

22 shares on TikTok this month:

Maybe there’s an alternate universe where onions cry when they chop up humans, you don’t know.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

A delivery driver just asked for my date of birth. I said, “94.” He replied, “Is that 1994?” Oh, sorry mate, no. My bad, that was 1794. Right around the French Revolution.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

8 year gap on resume that just says “karate”.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

My favourite yoga pose is the one where you lay really still and do nothing.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’m too pretty for this” is a very valid excuse, actually.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

So does everybody have a collection of grocery bags that you keep inside of a grocery bag?

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I have poor night vision so I upgraded to LED headlights because it’s important to me to ensure nobody else can see either.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

If you’re going to be weird, be confident about it.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I went from dancing with myself in the 80s to talking to myself now.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Does anyone know where I can find true love?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,398

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

Rock bottom ain’t even that bad of a place to be if you’re into collecting rocks.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

My favorite date activity is ice skating because I’m really good at it, and it allows me to assert dominance on the ice.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

Somewhere on our planet, there is someone who doesn’t care about you at this moment. It could be billions.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

I love beating a dead horse with the girls. There is nothing better than a Saturday night rehashing, and never letting that horse rest in peace.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

I ate my exam paper. Which means that pretty soon I’ll pass the test.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

“Alcohol and beautiful women” is apparently not an appropriate answer when you are asked about your weaknesses in a job interview.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

I’m not addicted to Twitter. I’m just a really good listener so I want to know what everyone has to say.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

Girls are happier when their dress has pockets, it’s science.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

‘Another bombshell has entered the villa!’ I say to myself as I walk in the front door of my own home.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Slack:

I worry a lot about the wild animals in my neighborhood, but I’m beginning to think they don’t worry about me.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Every word wishes it could sound as fun as falafel.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Sometimes you choose the GIF-war over your responsibilities.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

This is the wrong generation for people with an old soul.

Going bananas on Twitch:

Don’t let anyone treat you like pond water. You are Fiji water, okay?

Just landed via Discord:

Long shower. Fresh sheets. Hair braided. Lights off. Candle glowing. Room smells incredible. Airplane crash videos on.

Spotted on Threads:

Just blocked a guy for accusing me of being “all talk”. On Twitter.

Just shared via Instagram:

No, I mean, it’s great toast. I just didn’t expect it to be French.

Freshly posted on Slack:

At the end of the day, the day is going to end.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Maybe I died of Covid in 2020, and this is hell.

© 2026. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴