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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

Travelling through the US by car is beautiful because you feel like a blood cell in a very sick man’s body.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

As a parent you get to see just how much a baby accomplishes in its first year of life. Because you’re awake for all of it.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

I’m getting close to that age where people applaud the things I’m “still able to do”.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

Do you ever find yourself just thinkin’ about bread?

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

My passport probably thinks I’m in prison.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

I deserve a percentage of your pay if you ever stole any swag from me.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

I start off my mornings with coffee and low expectations.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

For financial reasons, I will be passing away.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

Technically mixed martial arts can include tickle fighting.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

At the airport, and a wife asked her husband, “Where are our seats?” and he responds, “In the airplane.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,284

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Who wants to do all my adult stuff for me today?

Shared recently on Threads:

Shopping is the only exercise I need.

Trending via Telegram:

Thoughts & prayers to all of us back at work tomorrow after the colossal mistake of thinking we’d be lads of leisure forever, for some reason.

Spotted on TikTok:

Aliens probably have group chats called Don’t Stop on Earth.

Trending via Threads:

Got a new high score on my bathroom scale.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I’m shocked it offended you, I was certain someone was gonna need to explain it to you.

Going viral on Pinterest:

I once quit a job, and when my boss asked why, I simply said, “I hate it here.” Best day of my life.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Dry January is out. Sopping Wet February is in.

Trending via Messenger:

You should be able to google why a couple broke up.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

The difference between the Olympic village and a normal village is that not everyone in the Olympic village is related to each other.

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Social Media Stars ⭐

64 shares on Messenger this month:

Thinking of telling my extra weight that I love it so that it can leave me too.

83 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I put my pants on like everyone else. With hope they still fit.

95 shares on Instagram this month:

Being an adult is crazy. Because what the hell is going on?

30 shares on Threads this month:

I’m putting free wifi on my gravestone, so people will come visit me.

46 shares on Slack this month:

There are two types of people in the world, those who have to go to Walmart, and those who get to go to Walmart.

13 shares on Discord this month:

Keep your temper. Nobody else wants it.

89 shares on X this month:

Retiring my wallet condom after two years of active duty. 87 tours with 0 combat deployments.

70 shares on Threads this month:

You could be having a nice day and then somebody your own age says they bought a house.

48 shares on Threads this month:

Do you ever eat a properly salted meal and suddenly understand why the ancient Romans were willing to be paid in salt?

61 shares on X this month:

Social media is mental suicide.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

He called me delusional, but I think he meant delicious.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

To all the people with grammatical issues, don’t worry, I also have problems with badly timed periods.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

We all just kind of accept it as normal that we have a meat tentacle living inside of our mouth.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Salad was likely invented after someone picked everything they didn’t like out of their meal and put it on a separate plate.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Look, 80’s kids went from Inspector Gadget to Terminator so we have a lot of mixed feelings about technology.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s curious how kids are always really hungry right before dinner and right after dinner, but never during actual dinner.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t understand why “family-run” should be a sign of quality. North Korea, for example, is also family-run and doesn’t convince me at all.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I may not have lost all my marbles yet, but there’s a small hole in the bag somewhere.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Do you ever think about how many people squeezed the avocado that you’re eating?

16 folks are currently checking 👀

The hairdresser asking me what special plans I have for the day like this wasn’t it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,486

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

Friends with consequences.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

The hottest thing a man can be is boring in his 30s.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

Nobody should be blowing up Teslas. If you just wait a bit, they’ll probably do it by themselves.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

Checked myself, but unfortunately, after I wrecked myself.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

Being a woman is trying to guess what the hell is going on with your body three times a week.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

I’m intermittent fasting, so I have to finish this cake really quick before 6 pm.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

There is no ‘we’ in ‘food’.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

I suffer from awesomnia.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

Spiraling out of control if anyone wants anything.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

They need to invent a dishwasher with a window on it. I have to know what goes on in there.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Slack:

The sandwich I made for lunch didn’t even make it until 10am.

Making waves on X:

Imagine being a giraffe and having to throw up.

Going bananas on WeChat:

A fly swatter, but for close talkers.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Trying to work outside on a laptop is like sunbathing on a melting ice cube.

Spotted on Threads:

Hawk o the mornin tuah

Shared recently on X:

I heard a mouse yesterday. So now I loudly announce myself whenever I enter a dark room. In case you’re wondering how brave I am.

Trending via TikTok:

The best part about filling out doctor appointment forms online is when you get there and they say “hello, please fill out these forms!”

Breaking via Twitch:

I don’t understand why my cooking was garbage. I did everything right. I drank wine while I cooked. I had a hand towel over my shoulder. Literally everything right.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

How can you not appreciate a drunk text? Someone is absolutely off their face and still thinking of you.

Making waves on Reddit:

Life tip: if nothing goes right, go to sleep.

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