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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

He had the nerve to call me pretty. I’m gorgeous.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

Everyone hates math until their paycheck looks funny, then all of a sudden you know trigonometry.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

Starting is the hardest part. Unless it’s eating chocolate. Then stopping is the hardest part.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

I know it’s bad, and you’ve got to shut it down right away, but is there anything more hilarious than a swearing toddler?

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

Therapy isn’t enough, she needs to know people congratulated me when we broke up.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

Anybody else not stopped farting this evening? Asking for a friend.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

I’m perverted, but in an elegant and whimsical way.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

Them: OMG, I haven’t seen you in so long. Me: Yeah, that was on purpose.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

Show dominance by ending the year in bed.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

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Updated

Jan 19, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Welcome to your 40s. You’re home from the party before you used to go out for the party in your 20s.

Just shared via Instagram:

Tonight we shall read a passage from the old testicle.

Seen just now on Reddit:

My sleeping cycle is completely backwards. In the morning I feel sleepy and at night I can’t fall asleep.

Trending via Messenger:

Yesterday, my boss asked me what I did for a living.

Shared recently on Twitch:

It’s called a “sports car” because getting out of one after 40 is a physical event.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

That sound when you close the cupboard and hear something fall inside, that’s the sound of somebody else’s problem.

Trending via Facebook:

Show dominance by ending the year in bed.

Just landed via YouTube:

“I asked ChatGPT.” Okay, well, I asked Jesus Christ of Nazareth.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

If I honk at this person, maybe it will make them a better person.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I hate when flies rub their disgusting little hands together. What could you possibly be plotting? You can’t even get out of the open window.

11 Funny ruined quotes

More funny ruined quotes 👇

It sucks that crazy people ruined wearing tinfoil hats for those of us that just did it for fashion purposes.

3 months ago

crazy, crazy person, fashion, hat, humor, just, people, person, ruined, satire, sucks, tinfoil, tinfoil hat, us

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45 shares on Instagram this month:

I have some cake and now I’m eating it too. Not seeing the problem here.

43 shares on TikTok this month:

I think they’ve made more Kung-Fu Panda movies in the last 20 years than they’ve made actual pandas.

13 shares on YouTube this month:

People who don’t have a dishwasher, where do they bang their shins?

39 shares on Slack this month:

Me: This is my favorite. I would like to buy this exact same item of clothing again. The fashion industry: No.

31 shares on X this month:

The way Adele works for 6 months and then disappears for 7 years is very much the work-life balance I’m all about.

28 shares on Twitch this month:

I assume my soulmate has sold his soul to the devil.

87 shares on Slack this month:

Not going is the new leaving early.

46 shares on TikTok this month:

Do you remember when you looked through binoculars upside down and everyone was really far away? That was nice.

37 shares on Pinterest this month:

We should thank heaven for nipples. Without them boobs would be pointless.

78 shares on TikTok this month:

Shrimp: “When I grow up, I want to be food waste at a gala.”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

I exaggerated on my job application and said I wanted to work for a living.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

Imagine falling in love and then finding out that they put antlers on their car for the holidays.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

My hobbies include trying to close the elevator doors before anyone else gets on.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

I hope one day I will sleep before midnight like normal humans do. Every day I sleep tomorrow, even yesterday I slept today.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

The ugliest version of me is the version that comes out when I play board games. I don’t know who she is, but she is a monster. She is not fit for human interaction.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

The way Christmas shopping expects me to have money right now is, honestly, disrespectful.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

Milk teeth are wasted on children. A new set of teeth would be a lot more useful when you’re older.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

Bison may look friend-shaped, but they already have all the friends they want. Keep your distance and don’t make it awkward.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

God saw you do that.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

My watch battery is fully charged. So I got some time.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Not gonna lie, toddlers absolutely nailed it with naps, buttered noodles, and rejecting authority.

Shared recently on Telegram:

The reason I stay up late is because I don’t want my free time to end, and tomorrow to start.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Having now listened to the entire song, I have to say there’s some obvious internal disagreement as to what the Hokey Pokey is all about.

Just shared via Threads:

My insurance company said if my tent is stolen while I’m camping, I won’t be covered.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Sometimes the best thing about my job is that my chair turns.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

I took your advice and worked smarter not harder. Now I’m going to need your advice on a good lawyer.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Printers and computers treat each other like they broke up the night before, and you’re their mutual friend.

Making waves on Telegram:

The only time anyone should watch the news is to study how psychological manipulation works on the general public.

Freshly posted on X:

My back and I are definitely not the same age.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is realizing that the other person is completely stupid.

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11 Funny ruined quotes

More funny ruined quotes 👇

It sucks that crazy people ruined wearing tinfoil hats for those of us that just did it for fashion purposes.

All funny ruined quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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