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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

When people say, “Stop living in the past,” my thought in turn is, “But the music was so much better then!”

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

Sure, breakups are hard, but have you ever had to wait for your phone to stop ringing so you can start using it again?

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

Watering plants qualifies as a hobby.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

Popping your head in the cockpit and saying, “Anywhere here will do, chief.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

I hate it when I do the math about where my money went, and it all adds up. No one robbed me; I didn’t lose it. It was really all me.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

Starting my period on election day because I’m a true patriot who bleeds for this country.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

I don’t have gray hair, I have wisdom highlights.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

When I become president, any public holiday that falls on a Thursday automatically extends to Friday.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

“Pre” means before, and “post” means after. Using both at the same time would be preposterous.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

Sometimes I’m like….. what is the point of all this? And then I hang out with the people I love, and for a brief moment, I see.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,322

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WeChat:

Three words no parent ever wants to hear when dropping their kid at a play date: “Come on in.”

Spotted on Slack:

Have an early flight tomorrow, so naturally I’m going to stay up late tonight and be weird in my room.

Going viral on YouTube:

The older I get, the more I understand why deer run in front of cars.

Live now on Instagram:

As I get older, I’m understanding why everything needs to be done before 12 p.m.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

I’m at the age where I’m more likely to fall asleep at the movie theater than get frisky in one.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I want a chiropractor to crack my entire body like a glow stick.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

I may be the reason why our kids are ugly, but you’re the reason why they’re stupid.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

My fitness goal is to lose two straight jacket sizes.

Trending via Slack:

I just sneezed into my elbow and now I’m waiting for a preschool teacher to praise me.

Spotted on WeChat:

This year felt like being awake during surgery.

Funny self-empowerment quotes

Funny self-empowerment quotes bring a burst of laughter 😂 while boosting your confidence 💪. They remind you not to take life too seriously, celebrating your quirks and strengths with a wink 😉. Perfect for when you need a mood lift or a little extra courage to conquer the day 🌟. Ready to laugh your way to feeling unstoppable? Let’s dive into some witty wisdom that empowers with a smile! 😄✨

New funny self-empowerment quotes 👇

I’m not gonna have a bad day. The day is gonna have a bad me.

3 weeks ago

attitude, bad, bad day, confidence, day, humor, me, motivation, self-empowerment
I’m a strong, independent woman, but like, against my will.

3 weeks ago

humor, humorous, humorous quote, independent, independent woman, irony, sarcastic, sarcastic humor, self-empowerment, strong, strong woman, woman

All funny self-empowerment quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

88 shares on Telegram this month:

Everyone’s a gangster until they turn a spoon the wrong way under running water.

41 shares on WeChat this month:

Did you know on the Canary Islands there is not one canary? And on the Virgin Isles? Same thing – not one canary there either!

62 shares on TikTok this month:

Obsessed with how Siri just doesn’t work at all, ever.

69 shares on LinkedIn this month:

“Well at least I don’t have to wake up any more.” Is what I want my tombstone to say.

59 shares on WeChat this month:

“You’re so self-aware!” Thanks, it’s ruining my life.

29 shares on Instagram this month:

So far, no one has seriously tried to bribe me, which is a shame because I am extremely corrupt. Maybe I need a position with more power.

24 shares on X this month:

Before you try to save someone, make sure you’re not interrupting their karma.

89 shares on Twitch this month:

I don’t understand the phrase “You can’t have your cake and eat it” because if I have cake, what the hell else am I supposed to do with it.

97 shares on Facebook this month:

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.

78 shares on X this month:

These cannot be the same knees that used to get low in heels at the club.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Hey! (with the intention of going back to sleep)

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m a red flag, but the material is quality.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

After smartphones, we never got pictures of Bigfoot anymore. You know why? That’s right: 5G killed all the Bigfoots.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Corporate life requires an ass-licking skill set I simply wasn’t born with.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Her: how are you still single? Me: it’s easier than you think.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t hate you, but I hope you run out of hot water before you’re finished your shower.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Why can’t people be tested like watermelons? You tap them on the head and find out whether they are normal or bad.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Before I die, I’m going to arrange for a friend to take my phone, and after the funeral, text everybody to say “thanks for coming” and other assorted messages of appreciation.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m pretty sure by now that we’re some kind of satire channel on some other planet.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

You amuse me, Jester. You may enter my bed chambers.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,591

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

Have you ever been so stressed that you’re calm?

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

Attention to detail is so sexy, study me, baby.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

My life started becoming a mess when I was put in charge of my own bedtime.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

The more I use social media, the more I see why children shouldn’t.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

Billion dollar technology idea: A printer that works.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

I was having a great Friday until I found out it was Thursday.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

Discovering the Spice Girls broke up not over money and fame but lesbianism.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

Frankly, I have too many situations and not enough monitors.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

I feel like a credit card, cause I’m constantly being used irresponsibly.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

Computer dating is fine, if you’re a computer.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WhatsApp:

You don’t get to comment on the world until you’ve made your bed.

Just shared via WeChat:

Tinder, but for nearby people that have a printer you can use.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

My boss was like, “People working from home are just pretending to work,” and it’s like, dude, what do you think I’m doing in the office?

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

The thing I can’t get over about Love Island is they’re only allowed 2 drinks a night, like they’re all just acting like that.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

The title of my autobiography is going to be ‘You’d Think I’d Learn By Now, But Nope.’

Just landed via WeChat:

I leave the blue tick on WhatsApp so that people can see exactly when I wasn’t interested.

Seen just now on Messenger:

It-is-what-it-is-ing my way through the collapse of civilization.

Going viral on Discord:

There should be guide dogs that prevent you from making bad decisions.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Did it hurt, when my ice cream outlasted yours?

Just landed via Reddit:

Rom-com idea: Gozilla +1. Godzilla gets invited to a wedding but struggles to convince anyone to go with him.

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