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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

Not to brag, but my best yoga pose is awkward facing dog.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

Boss: Why do I have to always come and find you? Me: Because a good employee is hard to find.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

My daily routine. Morning: Feeling tired, cranky and lazy. Afternoon: I could go for a nap. Night: I can’t sleep.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

I’m letting go of all earthly attachment — exactly like Buddha, except for the things I like and want.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

Half princess, half menace.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

Good morning, dickhead, your little ray of sarcastic sunshine has arrived.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

Friendly reminder that double negatives are a big no-no.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

Have kids so you can live in a house full of people who can’t find anything.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

Let’s hope those bridges you burn keep you warm at night.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

Thanks for leaving my door open; I was running low on houseflies.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

767 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,929

Funny Quotes Topics

13,901

Funny Quotes Images

10,929

48 minutes ago

3,427

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Facebook:

I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.

Just shared via Slack:

I admire the audacity of beavers, they just move to a new area and say “screw the neighbors, imma put a lake here”.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

I followed my heart, and it led me to the fridge.

Making waves on TikTok:

What was the main bloke called in Harry Potter?

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Your honor, my client would like to play on his phone for a little bit

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Your skull is the only thing preventing your brain from floating away, unburdened as it is by any meaningful thought to anchor it.

Spotted on Telegram:

There’s an app for the people who say they’re not seeking some form of validation here. It’s called a diary.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Breakfast is the most important beer of the day.

Going viral on Messenger:

I can sing all the words to the intro song of DuckTales, what’s your flex?

Going viral on Instagram:

Them: OMG, I haven’t seen you in so long. Me: Yeah, that was on purpose.

Home » Funny Self-interest Quotes

Funny self-interest quotes

New funny self-interest quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: I’m really good at compromising as long as I get my way.

Commentary:
"Ah, the art of compromising while still managing to be a little bit selfish – a true skill indeed! It's like saying, 'I'll meet you halfway, as long as halfway is exactly where I want to be.' Masterful negotiation at its finest!"
6 months ago
Share →: I’m fighting for free speech. Mine, not yours, so be quiet.

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 'free speech for me, not for thee' argument – a true masterpiece of irony. 🎤🤫 It's like saying 'I believe in sharing, but only if it's my ice cream!' 🍦😂 #SelectiveFreeSpeech #ShhJustListen"

For even more funny self-interest quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny self-interest quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

767 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,929

Funny Quotes Topics

13,901

Funny Quotes Images

10,929

48 minutes ago

3,422

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

If at first you don’t succeed, the internet will let you know immediately.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

Twitter is Iike the smoking area for social media.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

Waiting for my wife to approve my new year’s resolution of making independent decisions.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

Not to brag, but I finished an entire book in one sitting. I’m going to need some new crayons.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

I put the hot in psychotic.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

What do you mean a baguette isn’t a female bag?

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

Living up to your potential sounds exhausting.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

Strict parents raise good liars.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

Perks of dating me: you will be the hot one.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

I deserve a percentage of your pay if you ever stole any swag from me.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Pornhub should do a wrap-up of your year like Spotify does.

Seen just now on X:

Cooking with glasses on is so humiliating. Why did I just get blinded by steam?

Spotted on TikTok:

Every room is a panic room if someone farts.

Seen just now on Slack:

Nothing says entitlement like a goose family crossing the road.

Just shared via Threads:

I’m optimistic, in a pessimistic way.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

It’s a shame that you can’t hold people up to the light like banknotes to see whether they are fake or real.

Trending via Slack:

I just want someone who will treat me like a lady and hold the refrigerator door open for me.

Just shared via Slack:

We’re all naughty, some just more than others.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

When a girl is done with you, she talks to you like she’s in HR or something.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

“That’s an interesting take,” I say, not listening.

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