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6 months ago
Share →: Never miss a good chance to shut up.

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Why waste your breath when silence can speak volumes? 🤐💬 Sometimes the best words are the ones left unspoken. Take a pause, let your silence do the talking! 🤫👀

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

I don’t mean to say that I drink a lot of coffee, but Colombian farmers have a photo of me in their wallets.

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The unemployed urge to say I love you during a job interview.

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Lies I tell myself: Just one more cookie. Just one more movie. Just one more minute.

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Liking a post I don’t understand just to impress the algorithm.

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Always be kind. You never know who might own a hot tub.

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Respect people who wear glasses because they paid money to see you.

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The pointless tidy-up before a play date.

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This place was really tidy yesterday. It’s a shame you missed it.

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I wish my wife’s sighs came with subtitles.

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I just wanna be rich enough to not have to run onstage after concerts to get my bra back.

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Just landed via YouTube:

Defeating imposter syndrome by actually being incompetent.

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Deciding if I should heal or just give up and go completely insane.

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Oh good. Another day.

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Too many types of pasta. I can say my fav is Fliccaroni and not one of you can be sure if it’s real. Look at you googling it.

Live now on WeChat:

My nickname in high school was “who?”

Going viral on X:

There’s nothing worse than accidentally becoming an important person at your job.

Trending via TikTok:

Sperm me would be swimming in the other direction.

Just landed via Messenger:

The number of times I stand in a room, staring because I forgot why I walked in there, is embarrassingly high.

Spotted on Instagram:

I didn’t mean to gain weight. It happened by snaccident.

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Adulting is realizing you can’t skip work like you skipped school.

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11 Funny shut up quotes

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You guys can continue with the week, I’ve stopped here.

I’d like to meet the person who decided that if you wanted to get married fast, it had to be done by Elvis.

You’re mistaking me with someone who’s stupid.

My cold is worse than yours because it’s happening to me.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

You gotta separate the art from the artist. Like, for example, sometimes the artist is really nice but their art sucks.

How old were you when you realized others couldn’t see the matrix?

The next James Bond should be weird. Like he wears a train conductor’s hat and is afraid of balloons.

Another day of explaining to mom that New York is big and the footage she saw wasn’t shot on my street.

If you want to be sure that you never forget your wife’s birthday, just try forgetting it once.

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Sex is like tacos. I wish I were having some now.

My coworkers think I’m always busy, but I’m really just trying to remember my password.

Things will be fine, eventually—in thousands of years—for rocks.

I don’t understand, but I also don’t care, so it works out.

Marriage tip: If your wife goes silent in the middle of an argument, you probably shouldn’t ask if you can go back to mowing the lawn.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I hate when recipes tell you to take something out of the pan and add it back in later. No way bro. It’s staying in there.

Are oranges called oranges because they are orange, or is the color orange called orange because an orange is orange?

How dare my boss set up a meeting for the time I sneak off early?

Every time you break spaghetti noodles in half, an Italian has a stroke.

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