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Jan 21, 2025
Share →: Make sure you stock up on condoms, so you don’t produce any more idiots.

Commentary:
"Prevent more idiots with your extensive condom collection – the world thanks you! 🌍🚫🤡 #NoMoreIdiots"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

Welcome to adulthood: 9pm is midnight now.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

Can we skip to the rich part?

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

Welcome to your 40’s: it’s ten years of people saying “wait until you’re 50”.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

If there was a pill for procrastination… I’d probably take it tomorrow.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

Twitter is the most fun you can have on the toilet.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

Everyday is leg day when you’re running from your problems.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

People who talk about fruit having too much sugar scare me so bad. Please get back, you wicked witch!

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

I love canceling plans. I didn’t want to go in the first place. I just wanted to be invited.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, I’m never sending you nudes again.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

My life advice is always the same. Wait for karma, but take up kickboxing, just in case.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Threads:

Call a girl beautiful 1000 times and she won’t notice. Call her fat once and she will never forget. That’s because elephants never forget.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Thanks to social media, you can now meet weirdos from the comfort of your own home.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Do you ever wish you could just walk away mid-conversation when you’re bored?

Spotted on Twitch:

I was disappointed to learn today that my request for a sabbatical was rejected. Apparently that’s “not how marriage works.”

Going viral on Pinterest:

“I have a favourite hole”, me, at the pool table.

Just shared via Reddit:

When I was young I fixed my parents’ computer and now that I’m older I fix computers for my kids. Are we the only generation that knows how computers work?

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Maybe we should put monkeys in charge for a while just to see how it goes.

Breaking via TikTok:

The gaps in my resume are from the space bar.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Stop giving kids Bible names but no Bible lessons. Moses tried to rob me last night.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

I firmly believe that at this point my guardian angel is just eating popcorn and watching the drama.

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Funny stock up quotes

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Trending Funny Quotes 📈

He probably could have just called himself “Andre.” I think I would have figured out The Giant part on my own.

I once broke up with a guy because he ate half my french fries, and when I get really lonely, I still think about those french fries.

Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean, but the true ones stay like an octopus on your face.

Worrying is just worshipping the problem.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Drove by a woman with her car broke down, I was going to stop and help until I remembered I don’t know anything about cars or women.

I’m so lazy that I’ll break my tooth trying to get this tag off before I get up and get a scissor.

My plant is drunk, it’s growing in the wrong direction.

Roses are red. Bumble bees buzz. This rhyme doesn’t rhyme. No, wait, yes it does.

After all these years, Jude Law has finally noticed me and responded to my love letters. Something about staying 500 feet away. I’m getting it framed.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Happy birthday to everyone, for the rest of your lives. I can’t do this anymore.

I am convinced that at least half of you are bots.

If pills are too toxic to flush down the toilet, you probably shouldn’t swallow them.

If my cats are going to insist upon me getting up early, they’re going to have to learn how to make coffee.

First date idea: we walk around a graveyard and guess how people died.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I hope we get the nice AI that enslaves us and makes us their pets and not the bad AI that enslaves us to mine lithium or something.

Sorry, Mom, I can’t go outside, I’m ugly.

I was going to buy my wife a car for Christmas but then I remembered I don’t live in a commercial.

I thought Game of Thrones was a pooping contest for men.

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