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Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

Job hunting has legitimately been the most demoralizing experience of my life. Nothing else will make you realize how little you can actually do.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

We could all be hibernating right now but noooooo we have to be “adults” with “responsibilities”.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the terms and conditions I do not read.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

I’m not good at quickly making up derogatory names on the fly, unless I’m driving.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your credit card from your purse.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

I put the hot in psychotic.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

Thank you, Facebook memories, for constantly reminding me of the shitty taste in men I had for the majority of my life.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

We got our carpet cleaned today, so I’m just waiting for the dog to throw up.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

I don’t always say something stupid. But when I do, I keep talking and make it worse.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

My ideal vacation would be to drop my family off at the airport and then have a week of peace and quiet.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

501 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,094

Funny Quotes Topics

17,246

Funny Quotes Images

15,094

Updated

Dec 22, 2025

Users Online

3,768

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Snapchat:

90% of the things I worry about never happen. Worrying works.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Let’s all stand up against iron deficiency (but not too fast).

Just shared via Twitch:

I’m never more unattractive than when a bee flies in my face.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Note to self: just because it’s in the map app’s directions, doesn’t mean the road is paved.

Spotted on Reddit:

I’ve finally found out what chronology is. And it’s about time.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I think every app should, by law, let you deactivate all of its short-form video content.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

I avoid clarified butter because I prefer my dairy products to be troubled and confused.

Just shared via Messenger:

Horoscope: Many good things are in store for you! Unfortunately, the store is closed for repairs.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Don’t worry, I’m only dead inside from the waist up.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Every time I use self-checkout, the person in front of me has never used self-checkout, touchscreens, or money before.

Home » Funny Velvet Quotes

Funny velvet quotes

New funny velvet quotes 👇

The Velvet Underground probably wouldn’t have been so influential if I was at their shows with a giant magnet and pulled their guitars out of their hands.

0

3 weeks ago

band, concert, giant, giant magnet, guitar, hands, humor, i, influence, magnet, music, shows, The Velvet Underground, underground, velvet

All funny velvet quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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77 shares on Snapchat this month:

My friends have canceled our dinner plans two nights in a row. I’m starting to think they don’t like dinner.

78 shares on Pinterest this month:

It’s quite ironic that “strap on,” backwards, spells “no parts.”

89 shares on X this month:

If you ever see me out in public, just know I don’t want to be there.

78 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Can’t believe penguins have to publish all those books with their tiny hands.

63 shares on Slack this month:

If you want to impress me with your car, it better be a food truck.

66 shares on Messenger this month:

Sorry I was late, I was frantically applying to other jobs.

85 shares on TikTok this month:

Putting sunscreen on kids feels like cardio.

48 shares on Instagram this month:

Rage bait often works on me because I was already angry before I read that.

13 shares on Pinterest this month:

Mr. Beast is like if they made Dubai into a person.

11 shares on Discord this month:

My kids have been joking for weeks about a new Pokémon called Puke-Achu and then they got the stomach flu and brought it to life.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

Called in, “I can either stay home today and learn to play this accordion or bring it in with me. Your call.”

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

I’m convinced the washing machine is a portal to another dimension for socks.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

Nothing tops a plain pizza.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

My mother told me there is a girl for me in every corner of the earth, but unfortunately the earth is round.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

Are we all getting a front-row seat to the end times, or what?

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

Don’t talk to me unless you are a ham sandwich.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

I am just a man, a man who told a woman to calm down, so I guess this is goodbye.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

People used to fly kites. Glad that’s over with.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

The thing I’ve always found tricky about money is knowing how much I should have.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

You look like something I drew with my left hand.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Spiders are the only web developers who love finding bugs.

Just shared via Twitch:

Body by sandwich.

Live now on Telegram:

The lion does not concern himself with attaching a cover letter.

Just shared via Discord:

A pretty girl like me should be in the sky, sitting on a star.

Trending via Reddit:

Skinning your knee as an adult is so humiliating. That’s the toddler injury.

Just landed via Slack:

Here I am, block me like a hurricane.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Had the bed all to myself last night, so you know what that means… I slept in a slightly different spot, and now my neck feels weird.

Just shared via Twitch:

Delete a letter of his name from your contacts every time he makes you upset. When his name’s gone, he’s gone. Hangman that boy.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Getting emotional thinking about everything SpongeBob has been through and his resilience despite it all.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Ever since I was a little girl I knew I wanted to leave work early.

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Funny velvet quotes

New funny velvet quotes 👇

The Velvet Underground probably wouldn’t have been so influential if I was at their shows with a giant magnet and pulled their guitars out of their hands.

All funny velvet quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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