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Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

Peeling a sweaty sports bra off counts as aerobic exercise, right?

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

I think it’s time I find myself a new inspiration, asking myself “what would Batman do?” gets me in too much trouble.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

“I’ve never met a medical receptionist that I believed wanted me to live.”

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

Ask a man what a good woman is, and watch him describe a slave.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

Let me help you turn that software into hardware.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

One of my greatest strengths is appearing busy so people don’t try to speak to me.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

If you only watched reality TV dating shows, you would probably estimate the number of people who work in medical device sales in the United States to be approximately 80,000,000.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

If a beer is 8 bucks, it’s a show. If a beer is 14 bucks, it’s a concert.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

Today I went for a walk with a girl, she noticed me, so we went for a run.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

Sometimes I delete a post because I remember I’m too old for it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

501 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,094

Funny Quotes Topics

17,246

Funny Quotes Images

15,094

Updated

Dec 22, 2025

Users Online

3,806

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I hate when I gain 10 pounds for a role and then realize I’m not an actor.

Shared recently on Discord:

Laundry day is my favorite day of the week. That’s why I dress for it every day.

Going viral on Instagram:

I know life can be tough, but you still gotta wear deodorant.

Trending via Snapchat:

My toxic trait is thinking I can nap, then waking up 3 hours later in a parallel universe where I missed everything.

Just landed via WeChat:

I need a day off from myself.

Spotted on WeChat:

Going from “I can fix her” to “I don’t care if she lives or dies” in the same beer.

Breaking via Discord:

This Thanksgiving, don’t ask me questions about my life, just pass the mashed potatoes.

Spotted on Slack:

Taking a phone to school in primary was like smuggling drugs.

Just shared via Discord:

When you said “let’s circle back to that in the new year” and now it’s the new year.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Nice thing about dating a doctor is if you wanna stop seeing them, you can just eat an apple.

Home » Funny Velvet Quotes

Funny velvet quotes

New funny velvet quotes 👇

The Velvet Underground probably wouldn’t have been so influential if I was at their shows with a giant magnet and pulled their guitars out of their hands.

0

3 weeks ago

band, concert, giant, giant magnet, guitar, hands, humor, i, influence, magnet, music, shows, The Velvet Underground, underground, velvet

All funny velvet quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Social Media Stars ⭐

10 shares on Discord this month:

Some people are wise, some folks are otherwise.

96 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’d log off, but I get so tired of hearing myself talk.

11 shares on Threads this month:

Everyone’s a badass until the doorbell rings.

78 shares on Twitch this month:

Two people had sex and now I’m fighting for my life everyday.

77 shares on Snapchat this month:

I went from dancing with myself in the 80s to talking to myself now.

25 shares on WeChat this month:

I thought I needed a drink. Turns out what I really needed was a divorce.

82 shares on Instagram this month:

If I was a priest, I’d make my side of the confession booth really big so I could run around.

98 shares on Threads this month:

Is he trying to pronounce “charcuterie” or is he having a stroke?

92 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Don’t even bother contacting me on the Ouija Board after I die. I barely answer my texts now.

25 shares on WeChat this month:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but no one in the world is judging you as much as you’re judging yourself. People online: Hold my beer.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

Do not take me to an escape room. I was a c-section. Someone is gonna have to come get me.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

Hit the vape till it tastes like technology.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

Being held for questioning sounds more romantic than it is.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

JFK is the perfect name for this airport because it’s a bloody headache.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

Why did they call it long distance running and not fardio?

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

Watching true crime documentaries so I can learn from their mistakes.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

We use our phones to watch videos that remind us of what life was like before we had phones.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

We do it every night. Annoy each other.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

Me and my best friend saying, “Hey, who are we to judge,” after spending 6 hours gossiping.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

I got fired from my job at the massage parlor. No specific reason, apparently I just rub people the wrong way.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Threads:

Sometimes I can’t tell if I’m in preschool or school… Oh wait, I’m at work.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

“You’re overthinking this!” Bro, I have anxiety. I have no other type of thinking available.

Seen just now on Twitch:

You ever get road rage while walking behind someone moving slowly at the grocery store?

Breaking via YouTube:

I feel like I should give my air conditioner a plaque for employee of the month.

Just landed via Snapchat:

The best part about getting added to a group chat is leaving two weeks later.

Going viral on Messenger:

I mostly keep friendships going because they have my good Tupperware.

Just shared via Instagram:

I respectfully ignore DMs because I promise you, I am not your soulmate.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

I’m too old to be jingling all the way, I’ll jingle til about five thirty.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

Shared recently on Threads:

Automated phone system: To speak to a representative, please enter the first twelve digits of pi.

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Funny velvet quotes

New funny velvet quotes 👇

The Velvet Underground probably wouldn’t have been so influential if I was at their shows with a giant magnet and pulled their guitars out of their hands.

All funny velvet quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨