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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

You didn’t let me know you got home safely so you better at least be injured or I’m gonna be pissed.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

Called in, “I’m a time traveler. I came in today yesterday.”

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

Time Magazine should have a Worst Person of the Year!

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

If you pick a movie that’s longer than the flight, the pilot gets a notification to fly around for a bit.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

If social media has taught me anything, it’s that we are all crazy in a different way.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

I didn’t just turn into a grouchy old woman overnight. It took years of people letting me down, pissing me off, and dealing with idiots to get this good at it.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

My favorite things about Texas are definitely toast and chainsaw massacres.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

Look, ice cream has eggs in it, therefore it is a breakfast food.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

A person becomes 10 times more attractive not by their looks but by photoshop.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

Spiders are the only web developers who love finding bugs.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2246 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,408

Funny Quotes Topics

15,116

Funny Quotes Images

12,408

Updated

2 hours ago

Users Online

3,438

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WeChat:

Big city friend is complaining about a 10 minute wait for a subway while I sit here waiting for the rail replacement horse.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I love sleeping. You don’t spend any money and you don’t miss anyone.

Live now on X:

I just need a little time to warm up to you, and then I’ll be super fun, I promise—1-2 years at most.

Breaking via Slack:

Who’s up thinking about the crushing weight of existence?

Breaking via Discord:

If someone else makes you a sandwich, it’s always better than if you do it yourself. It’s the same with sex.

Spotted on Telegram:

I once hated my job so much that I would come home from work and watch vlogs of people quitting their jobs, wishing it was me.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

I’m drinking coffee so I don’t say mean things to you. You’re welcome.

Going viral on X:

Having teens is fun because they demand their independence but then turn right around and ask you for $20.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I’m glad nobody can see the face I make when I’ve just started the washing machine and then spot a sock on the floor.

Spotted on Slack:

Sorry I was late, I was frantically applying to other jobs.

Garlic and bread is the only marriage I truly have faith in.

Garlic and bread is the only marriage I truly have faith in.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs love when you have the deliciously pungent bond between garlic and bread? That's a marriage that will never crumble… just like a perfectly toasted garlic bread! 🍞❤️🧄 #RelationshipGoals"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2246 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,408

Funny Quotes Topics

15,116

Funny Quotes Images

12,408

Updated

2 hours ago

Users Online

3,448

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

Establish dominance at work by drinking iced tea in a wine glass.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

If you’re out shopping today, be nice to retail workers. It’s not their fault you waited until Marys waters broke before you started your shopping.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

I am in favor of equal pay for men on OnlyFans.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

Cigarette smell gotta be one of the worst smells in the history of smells.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

Christmas bonus so small you have to call your bank and ask “is it in yet?”

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

Stop using ChatGPT. You got a question, you come to me first.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

At the gym and I forgot my headphones and now I have to listen to my own thoughts. Send help.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

Nobody at this train station knows that there’s a hole in my sock.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

Don’t judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on X:

My family was too poor for a gene pool, so we soaked our genes in rye whiskey.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Cause of death: Trying to draw eyebrows on the neighbor’s cat.

Going viral on Twitch:

The problem with believing that nothing matters except you, is that eventually everyone will just leave you alone to take extra special care of yourself.

Spotted on Telegram:

They should invent a rest for the wicked.

Going viral on Twitch:

I’ve folded seven page corners of the book I’m reading. That’s 49 in dog ears.

Breaking via Pinterest:

I have three kids. I should be terrified of sex.

Just shared via Twitch:

Are you http? Because I’m :// without you.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

How dare this person in traffic hold me up for seconds on the way to a place that doesn’t require my immediate presence?

Live now on Snapchat:

Most divorces are caused by a spouse eating potato chips while you try to watch TV.

Just shared via Threads:

To the person who stole my place in the queue. I’m after you now.

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