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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

When life gives you lemons, give them back and ask what the crap is all about.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

You can reach me by butterfly.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

The only fantasy I have in the bedroom these days is getting 8 hours of sleep.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

Now I know why my dad used to wake up at 4AM and just sit at the kitchen table for an hour.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

Putting a baby on board sticker on my car because other drivers have a right to know who they’re dealing with behind the wheel.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

I don’t have gray hair, I have wisdom highlights.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

The only difference between hungry and horny is where you insert the cucumber.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

I told my GPS I needed direction in life, and now it insists on recalculating every hour.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

If I ever find out who stole my identity, I’ll pay all their debts and ruin their credit score just for fun.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

An orgy where everyone looks identical is called a doppelgängerbänger.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

4,042

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

Did you seriously just pique my interest?

Shared recently on Instagram:

Elevator rides in real life: 30 seconds long. Elevator rides in movies: Two minutes long.

Spotted on Instagram:

I went for an interview at IKEA. The manager greeted me by saying “come in, make a seat”.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Work again? Really? Didn’t I just do that yesterday?

Breaking via WhatsApp:

It’s so hot, I just saw a squirrel fanning its nuts.

Live now on Snapchat:

Time Magazine should have a Worst Person of the Year!

Shared recently on Threads:

If you know karate, you shouldn’t have to pay for stuff.

Going viral on Messenger:

Have you ever met the human version of a headache?

Making waves on Messenger:

Drink coffee, avoid idiots, read books and repeat.

Shared recently on Slack:

It’s not fair when attractive people are also good at things.

Going to look at the small picture for a while. Tired of seeing the big picture. Too much picture.

2 months ago

0

Going to look at the small picture for a while. Tired of seeing the big picture. Too much picture.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Taking a break from the big picture can be like switching from an IMAX movie to a flipbook! 🎥📚 Sometimes you just need to zoom in and appreciate the little quirks of life. 🧐🔍 Who knew there could be such a thing as 'picture overload'? 🤯🤳 #SmallButMighty"

big, big picture, focus, going, humor, much, perspective, picture, seeing, simplicity, small, small picture, tired, too, too much

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I think something’s missing in my life… Like… 2-3 million dollars.

0

2 months ago

aspiration, dollars, dream, humor, joke, life, million, missing, money, wealth
When they say screen time is bad for you, they just mean the ones at work, right?

0

2 months ago

bad, context, humor, just, mean, right, say, screen, screen time, time, work
My toddler asked if we could go to the zoo today, and I said, “I can’t see that happening.” Then she literally left the room and came back with my glasses.

0

2 months ago

asked, back, came, funny moment, glasses, happening, humor, i, joke, left, literally, misunderstanding, moment, parenting, room, said, today, toddler, zoo
That awkward moment when someone gets angry at you for clicking a pen, but you have to click it one more time to use it.

0

2 months ago

anger, awkward, awkward moment, click, frustration, humor, moment, pen, situation, social, social situation, someone, time
If i had $5 for every time I said up yours to someone, my butler would be saying it for me.

0

2 months ago

attitude, butler, every, expression, humor, i, me, money, sarcasm, saying, someone, time, wealth, yours
Having Christmas off in the middle of the work week and then forcing us to go back to work the next day feels so illegal.

0

2 months ago

back, back to work, Christmas, day, frustration, holiday, humor, illegal, off, time, time off, week, work, work week

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

96 shares on Snapchat this month:

Home is where you’ve left the shopping list.

65 shares on Instagram this month:

People don’t hate working, they hate working and still being poor.

19 shares on Slack this month:

I be like, “I needed this,” and it’s just me getting drunk.

92 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My door camera alerts are all just me stepping outside to see how warm it is.

86 shares on YouTube this month:

The word synergy sounds like a mix of the words sin and energy. Like, to be debauched but to do it with flair and zest.

27 shares on Twitch this month:

You cannot go outside for a year or two. Come back, and the same people still be outside in the same places.

49 shares on TikTok this month:

Twitter is basically a psychiatric ward where all the patients diagnose each other.

19 shares on Threads this month:

Only after moving in together do you realize your girlfriend’s little quirks. Mine, for example, stores vegetables in the beer compartment.

21 shares on Twitch this month:

It’s comical when I lean back in my chair only to realize it’s a stool.

15 shares on WeChat this month:

I deliberately don’t go to bed early. I don’t want to look like I could be useful for anything the next day.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Butterflies all seem so nice but I’ll bet some of them are real bastards.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

If you think voting is pointless wait until you hear about writing posts here.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite thing to do on the weekend is not leave my house.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t worry, man, we can probably Photoshop the deep and enduring sadness out of your eyes later.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I was googling the best time to visit Italy. It is when you have money.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Sleep with each other, or someone else will!

12 folks are currently checking 👀

On a first date, saying “agree to disagree” every time they share anything about themselves.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Anyone who thinks being a pessimist isn’t any fun fails to appreciate the joy of saying, ‘I told you so.’

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Dear Snapchat memory, that’s not my friend anymore.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

For Christmas, I’d like to be understood.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,737

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

I’m not saying I’ve aged like fine wine, but I am currently being stored in a dark place and avoiding sunlight at all costs.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

I wish that reading books in the park were my job, and I got paid six figures for it.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

You have to be careful about sending your spouse things on social media. You send too many things, next thing you know chores are being redistributed because of “all the free time you clearly have”.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

I’ve never met a cake I didn’t want to fork.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

Last night my guardian angel came to me, covered me up, gave me a kiss on the forehead and whispered in my ear: “You’re a pain in the ass!”

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

Me, to the printer: “Hey, could you print this out for me?” Printer: “Sure, but first I’ll show you all the sounds I can make.”

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

You never forget your first kiss. Or your first meeting with HR.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

My future wife is probably fake laughing at her boyfriend’s lame jokes right now. Be patient, Queen, a true clown is on the way.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

You want me to turn around? The thing that led to a total eclipse of the heart.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I talk to myself in the same condescending tone, so you’re not special.

Seen just now on Discord:

I hate when the lotion bottle pump squirts the hardened remains of its mucus plug into the palm of your hand.

Spotted on Telegram:

I can’t believe we live in the timeline where we invented a technology to make it so we can never trust a photo or video again.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

The only recipes they have online are where I’m the one who’s supposed to buy all this stuff and then make it. That’s not what I’m looking for.

Trending via Instagram:

Deleting dating apps because I want to meet someone the old fashioned way (he and his donkey rescue me from a tower guarded by a dragon).

Spotted on YouTube:

He had the nerve to call me pretty. I’m gorgeous.

Breaking via YouTube:

I’m ready for the exciting last 30 seconds of the basketball game, which stretch into 25 minutes of fouls, time-outs, and commercials.

Making waves on Instagram:

Middle children as adults still trying to get attention because the oldest is being dramatic and the younger child is getting away with everything.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Some days you just feel like a hotel microwave. You’re here, but you don’t have enough power to actually do anything.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Starting to think business is standing on me.

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