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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

Start every meeting with, “Let’s just agree to disagree.”

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

Someone asked me what my hobby was and I realized that my favorite hobby is doing absolutely nothing.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

I don’t know much, but I know this: the older you get, the faster the number of things you’re willing to wait in line for approaches zero.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

Babe, are you OK? You’ve barely touched your unread books.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

I might not be able to speak another language but I can speak English slower!

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

Washing your face and water going down your elbow is so sickening.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

Female friendship is all about taking turns being insane. First, one of you is crazy, and the other has to counterbalance by being normal. Then, thirty minutes later, you get to trade.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

The brand name Oral B is so funny to me. WTF does the B stand for?

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

Love that every time I finish a snack I have to wave my hands around to prove to my dog it’s all gone, like I’m cashing him out at a casino or something.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

There are drug-sniffing dogs, guide dogs, dogs that save lives. And then there’s my dog, who hits the lead when he poops.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,704

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Messenger:

Sharks are orcs, dolphins are elves.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

God forbid a girl uses shopping as her coping mechanism.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

All I’m saying is that big burgers should be wider not taller.

Live now on WhatsApp:

I found out my wife was cheating on me at a Red Hot Chili Peppers concert, and I don’t ever wanna feel like I did that day.

Just landed via Twitch:

Carrots are a great thing to eat when you’re hungry, and want to stay that way.

Trending via Twitch:

Trust my gut? The thing that can’t even handle milk.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

This is a horrible time in history to be a decent human being.

Trending via Pinterest:

Sometimes I wonder if the strangers I see when I go outside are actually the people I talk to online.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Someone tongue kissed me recently in a way I can only describe as 5th base.

Just landed via Messenger:

To avoid burnout at work, use the 30-30 rule: after 30 minutes of work, quit your job and disappear into the mountains for 30 years.

Going viral on X is like winning a lotto during the apocalypse.

3 weeks ago

Humorous text comparing going viral on X to winning the lottery in chaos.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Getting your content to go viral on X is like stumbling upon a winning lotto ticket in the midst of a zombie apocalypse! 🎰💥 Just when you thought all hope was lost, you've hit the social media jackpot… Try not to get bitten by the clickbait zombies! 🧟‍♂️😂"

apocalypse, lottery, social media, Twitter, viral

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

48 shares on Instagram this month:

I think it is mandatory, especially in the morning, to be quiet.

38 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I won $6 on a scratch-off last night. Out of my way, peasants!

15 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Hear me out: a streaming service that doesn’t keep increasing their prices and actually has movies you want to watch.

46 shares on X this month:

Liking someone who likes you back is probably really good for your mental health.

95 shares on WhatsApp this month:

They’re called grown-ups because they groan every time they get up.

82 shares on Snapchat this month:

What must a pancake think when it’s being flipped? Doubtless something jolly.

66 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.

50 shares on Discord this month:

In banana years, I am bread.

47 shares on X this month:

What age do you learn to cook pasta for one and not for a whole village? Asking for a friend.

20 shares on Snapchat this month:

I forgot to get milk, so Santa has a cup of Pepsi Max.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoever named the grapefruit when there was already a fruit named grape. Incompetent legend. I wish we could hang out.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Does refusing to go to the gym count as resistance training?

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Pretty girls don’t compete. We sit pretty, count blessings, and ignore weird energy.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

When women get to a certain weight, you’ll notice they change their social media profile pictures to flowers, cats, or dogs.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ll kill the vibe, so you don’t have to.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

My grandad fought Germans on the beaches of Normandy. This was last summer and it was very embarrassing.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t need a recipe for disaster. I usually just eyeball it.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Liking someone romantically is actually just a humiliation ritual.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

If you’re a squatter, every day is leg day.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

If you listen closely, you can hear me not caring.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,604

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

Maybe aliens don’t visit us because they’re all women and they want us to make the first move.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

Distance is my jam; solitude is my peanut butter.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

I got called “pretty” today! Well, the full sentence was “You’re pretty annoying,” but I only focus on the positive things.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

I just need a day between everyday… to recover from the day before… just so I can prepare for the day coming.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

A girl like me should be in the sky, sitting on a star.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

I suck at flirting, I end up arguing with them instead.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

Job-hopping is a funny concept, like ‘Hey, I’m gonna go hate my life over there instead.’

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

Some people get it. Most people don’t.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

If I’m too much for you, then go and find less.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

I see no action figures, puzzles, or board games. I thought you said you wanted to play with me.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Instagram:

The human body requires so much maintenance. Who designed this thing?

Just shared via Snapchat:

Reverse cowgirl is not a fair trade because, why do you get a view of my sexy back, and all I’m seeing are your toes throwing gang signs?

Seen just now on Instagram:

“My family doesn’t have a black sheep,” I say, while everyone avoids eye contact.

Live now on Threads:

That “never again” talk with yourself after a certain experience is always funny.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I don’t always push on pull doors but when I do, I do it two or three times to confirm how dumb I really am.

Going viral on Twitch:

We get it, comma, you went to Oxford.

Shared recently on Messenger:

It’s wild that “Jason” is a name from ancient Greece, because it sounds like it was invented in Florida in 1983.

Going viral on X:

I’m the kind of crazy you weren’t warned about because no one knew this level existed.

Going viral on YouTube:

Voice messages. Just call, goddamnit!

Trending via Messenger:

Asked a German woman why Germany produced so many legendary physicists / mathematicians, and her response was basically, “Have you considered educating people who aren’t rich?”

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