Halloween is a big day for dogs who love to absolutely lose their shit when the doorbell rings.

26 shares on Pinterest this month:

For someone with a dry phone, I’m on it way too much.

68 shares on Twitch this month:

I think the key to happiness is having plenty of money and then telling all the poor people that money can’t buy happiness.

72 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If someone else makes you a sandwich, it’s always better than if you do it yourself. It’s the same with sex.

76 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m not bossy, I just know exactly what you should be doing.

15 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Using Twitter as a semi-vague posting journal for memory purposes.

100 shares on Pinterest this month:

People need to understand the difference between want and need. Like, I want abs, but I need chocolate.

87 shares on Threads this month:

Not now darling, mummy’s influencing on the www.

82 shares on Threads this month:

When I was a kid, there were two ways to die, natural causes and talking back to your parents.

52 shares on Pinterest this month:

For my next trick, I’ll need a divorce lawyer.

15 shares on WhatsApp this month:

As I’m moonwalking away, they didn’t even notice I had stolen a brownie.