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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

Should I be worried that buzzards circle me when I go for a run?

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

Relationship status: you’d think something called a Roomba would be a better dancer.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

The only time anyone should watch the news is to study how psychological manipulation works on the general public.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

I’d enjoy summer a lot more if someone came by hourly and misted me like produce.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

Home Depot should allow men over 40 to have birthday parties in their stores.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

When you realize your punishments as a kid (stay home, take a nap, no junk food, go to bed early) are now your goals as an adult.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

Did you know if you hold your ear up to a stranger’s leg, you can actually hear them say, ‘What the hell are you doing?’

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

It’s so beautiful when two real perverts find each other.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

Spotify Wrapped isn’t enough, I want an Excel spreadsheet of my listening habits.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

There’s nothing that I hate more than a failed nap attempt.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

300 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,569

Funny Quotes Topics

17,627

Funny Quotes Images

15,569

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,668

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on WeChat:

We’ve been talking about eating the rich for so long, they got over-ripe.

Trending via LinkedIn:

I’m always looking for new and exciting ways to give up.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

I’m so old I remember when a hashtag was called a pound sign, and we played tic-tac-toe on top of it.

Going viral on WeChat:

I hate when I get ready too quickly and have to sit on the couch, fully dressed, and wait like an idiot.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I always mean what I say, I don’t always mean to say it out loud, but I always mean it.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Life is a highway and I’m afraid to merge.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I miss when we didn’t know what celebrities thought about anything.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Withholding sex from you people isn’t working.

Spotted on Messenger:

I love being a pretty woman because it widens the threshold for cringe-worthy things I can say.

Just landed via Instagram:

When I die, throw me on Mount Everest so it looks like I was trying to do something.

Has anyone ever died from waiting for a group of people to decide what they want to eat.

Has anyone ever died from waiting for a group of people to decide what they want to eat.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Has anyone checked the statistics on 'Food Decision Paralysis' fatalities? 🤔💀 It's a risky business, folks! Remember, a well-fed group is a happy group…or at least a group that's too busy eating to argue! 🍔🍕🌮 #TheStruggleIsReal"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

20 shares on YouTube this month:

It’s crazy I need a certificate to prove I was born when you can literally just look at me.

88 shares on WeChat this month:

Still waiting for aliens to abduct me, which feels pretty rude considering I’ve been dressed and ready for years.

30 shares on Messenger this month:

Men don’t eject their eyes from their sockets and yell awooga anymore.

92 shares on Instagram this month:

Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?

17 shares on Slack this month:

The worst thing about being an adult is that you have to be one every single day.

83 shares on TikTok this month:

I like to put “No DMs” in my bio to pretend that I’m attractive.

74 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Every time I see a dog with its head out a window, I know it’s having a better day than I am.

95 shares on Threads this month:

What song lyric resonates with you the most? Mine is “we’re tiny, we’re toony, we’re all a little loony”

65 shares on Slack this month:

My talents are so hidden that I can’t even find them.

78 shares on Facebook this month:

Do people with lip filler know that they look like that?

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Kids are like pancakes. The first one is always a bit strange.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Cheating on a partner should affect your credit score.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Therapy is basically me saying, “I did a thing,” and my therapist saying, “Yay, good job!”

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Brushing your teeth at night is a hellish chore. Walking from bed to bathroom feels harder than working in the mines all day. I’m getting pissed just thinking about it.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I have two dogs: one dominates, the other is a subwoofer.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Old people understand Roman numerals. I for one.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Can someone write me a note to get out of being a responsible adult?

14 folks are currently checking 👀

One of the great things about being a dad is how easy it is to launder my own desire for ice cream through my children.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

A police lineup, but you have to recognize your dad’s sneeze.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I was born a boy, but according to the packaging, I identify as a family of four.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

300 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,569

Funny Quotes Topics

17,627

Funny Quotes Images

15,569

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,394

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

Due to foreseen circumstances well within my control I will be late.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

You know what goes great with helping your kid with math homework? Vodka!

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

Desperately seeking my soul, mate.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

Deleted old Tweets just in case I date a very famous woman with rabid fans.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

Once you find a pair of pants that fit you perfectly, it’s over for all your other pants.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

There’s nothing scarier than sneezing with a full cup of coffee in your hand.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

Girls who leave clothing reviews with their height, weight, and size ordered are going to heaven.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

Can I be 20 again? I know what to do this time.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

When I finally snap it’ll be because I had to type my email address in on the TV.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

The medicine for headache goes to the stomach to do what, exactly?

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Discord:

I wish I had a friend like me.

Shared recently on Slack:

No one declines an incoming call faster than a 3-year-old watching YouTube.

Just landed via Slack:

Opening up to people is a scam. Don’t do it.

Just landed via Twitch:

I think Cinderella should have lived a happy life with all her animal friends rather than settle for a man who had her try on a shoe because he didn’t recognize her without makeup.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Nowadays an “all-nighter” means I didn’t have to get up to pee.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Voice messages. Just call, goddamnit!

Making waves on TikTok:

I need a chiropractor for my brain.

Trending via TikTok:

I get so flattered when butterflies or bees buzz around me. Like, sorry ladies, I’m not a flower, but it’s so sweet that you thought I was. Hehe.

Shared recently on Threads:

My showers take so long because I always hold a shower concert.

Live now on Twitch:

My kids are smart but sometimes they say dumb stuff like, “Mom, why do you always buy Snickers when you’re the only one who likes them?”

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