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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

Adulting is only fun when you have the funds.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

You’re never too old or too stupid to become older and stupider.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

You see how in cartoons, when they’re hungry, their friends start looking like a chicken leg? That’s how ovulation feels.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I use big words I don’t always fully understand, in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

I just read a thing that said I should compliment myself on my decisions, regardless of the outcome. No thanks, I’m not the government.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

Nothing says “not interested” quite like a Restraining Order.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

Please don’t celebrate April Fool’s day if you’re not a fool. My culture is not your costume.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

I’m soirée for my mispronunciation of French words.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

I wonder if Mary and Joseph hated putting away the Christmas stuff as much as I do.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

Venmo is my favorite social media site. I love to see my boy John charge his wife for Martinis.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Dec 30, 2025

4,042

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Pinterest:

Hotel elevators are hell for those of us who are small-talk failures. The guy asked me, “You just get in today too?” and I said, “Well, no,” then stood in silence.

Making waves on Twitch:

If there’s no open mouth cougher on the plane they hold the flight until they can find one.

Spotted on Instagram:

Thank you, God, for another day. Let’s get this 12-hour screen time.

Going viral on TikTok:

If you think I’m annoying, give it some time. You’ll know for sure pretty soon.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Maybe your baby is crying because it doesn’t like you.

Spotted on WeChat:

A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.

Spotted on Reddit:

They should have a section on the wing of the plane where people can go out for a cigarette.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Probably the most depressed I’ve ever been in my life, except for a bunch of other times.

Going viral on Pinterest:

All my favorite activities involve a mattress.

Spotted on WeChat:

That’s me in the corner, that’s me in the spotlight, spreading goat cheese on a bagel.

Hey, I noticed you’re completely uninterested in me and couldn’t care whether I live or die. Would you like to build a life together?

2 months ago

0

Hey, I noticed you’re completely uninterested in me and couldn’t care whether I live or die. Would you like to build a life together?

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the perfect recipe for a long-lasting relationship: one part indifference, one part sarcasm, and a sprinkle of existential crisis. 🤷‍♂️💔 Who can resist such a compelling offer? Let's start a sitcom called 'The Apathetic Duo' and see where this complete disinterest takes us! 😂🏠"

awkwardness, care, die, humor, i, life, live, love, me, noticed, relationship, sarcasm, together, uninterested

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’ve started ripping my shirt in half like Hulk Hogan when I mean business. Long story short, I’m looking for a new job.

0

2 months ago

business, career, career change, change, half, hogan, Hulk, Hulk Hogan, humor, i, job, job search, looking, mean, motivation, new, relief, ripping, search, shirt, shirt ripping, short, story, stress, stress relief, workplace, workplace humor
Come on, brain, release the happy chemicals.

0

2 months ago

brain, chemicals, happy, happy chemicals, health, humor, mental, mental health, mood, motivation, release
Candy companies will look you straight in the eye and lie about how they know what a banana tastes like.

0

2 months ago

banana, candy, company, eye, food, honesty, humor, know, lie, perception, straight, taste
Much like a candle, I was tall when I was young, but I get shorter as I grow old.

0

5 months ago

age, candle, grow, growing, growing old, height, humor, i, life, metaphor, much, old, shorter, tall, young
The sexual tension between me and not finishing the last 2 episodes of a drama.

0

1 month ago

2, binge, binge-watching, cliffhanger, drama, episode, episodes, last, me, procrastination, sexual, sexual tension, show, tension, TV, TV Show, watching
I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.

0

2 months ago

fascination, humor, irony, leisure, me, observation, procrastination, productivity, work

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

53 shares on Twitch this month:

My morning routine includes 20 minutes of staring at the ceiling thinking about how tired I am and debating if I really need to live today.

83 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Due to personal reasons, I’ll be getting stronger every day.

31 shares on TikTok this month:

People are always saying “not today, Satan” but what if we just hear him out.

71 shares on Slack this month:

When my husband says he’ll just be a minute, I know I have enough time to watch an entire television series, paint the house, or go on a quest.

10 shares on Twitch this month:

I love when the restaurant bathroom has different music playing than the restaurant. It’s like I’m going to Club Pee Pee.

73 shares on WeChat this month:

I am calling on public libraries to ban the books that I borrowed and lost. We don’t need that kind of crap in the libraries.

95 shares on Telegram this month:

German couples probably have less arguments because there’s an exact word for, “I’m fine, just annoyed you forgot the milk again”.

73 shares on X this month:

I’m really looking forward to getting a full 8 hours of overthinking in tonight.

31 shares on WeChat this month:

Isn’t it beautiful how ‘Bruh’ has stood the test of time all these years.

99 shares on Instagram this month:

New challenge called “don’t say ‘wow it’s already dark by five these days’ for the rest of winter”

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I bet it feels so good for a cat to headbutt someone they adore.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Female rage is your handbag continuously slipping off your shoulder.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I like running because it’s cheaper than paying for a gym membership. If the gym wants the money I owe them, they’ll have to catch me.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Why can’t I explore the dentist’s mouth too?

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Anyone still shut off lights when leaving a room because their parents used to say, “Don’t waste electricity!”

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Commenting “humiliation ritual” on a pic of my friend out with his family.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Inventor of pink lemonade: yes, exactly the same, but cute and for the girls.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Preparing for my beach vacation by watching Jaws.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

At the age where a big break could mean either my career or a hip.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

The man who invented autocorrect walks into a barn. He orders a bear.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,639

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

I don’t call them exes, I call them whys.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

I have many talents, all equally un-monetizable.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

“Normalize this, normalize that.” How about y’all feel shame for once?

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

I can’t go to war, I have to water my plants.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

Who called them sea lions and not soggy doggies?

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

When my husband says, “Let me ask my wife,” he’s just using me as an excuse to get out of whatever you’re asking him to do.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

Changing my passwords regularly has certainly helped protect my accounts. Against me.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

Quickie so fast, it’s called secs.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

Now I know why my dad used to wake up at 4AM and just sit at the kitchen table for an hour.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

I’m sorry your man wears his sunglasses on the back of his head.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Twitch:

Get off the internet and go sniff a flower.

Live now on Pinterest:

Being a goldfish must be brilliant. Every six seconds you’re pleasantly surprised to find that you live in a castle.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Interesting people are my favorite endangered species.

Shared recently on Discord:

I’m a freak in the spreadsheets.

Breaking via YouTube:

In search of someone who loves me as much as I love my snooze button.

Making waves on Twitch:

Reading fanfics is so fun, I wish romantic attraction was real.

Just shared via Slack:

Eat whatever you want. If someone calls you fat, eat them too.

Seen just now on Discord:

It’s okay to run away from the cops if you’re shy.

Just landed via TikTok:

I love people who refuse to follow the crowd. The crowd is always lost, follow your inner compass.

Just landed via YouTube:

Enjoy your 30s, because in your 40s, your first check engine lights come on.

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Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴