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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

Did anyone ask the daylight if it wanted to be saved?

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

wearing no bra and oversized clothes is self-care at its finest

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

I’m at the age where an uncomfortable bed will have me injured for a couple of days.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

Toasters aren’t governed by that little dial. They have free will.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

The best thing about living with my parents is being woken up four minutes before my alarm to be told my alarm is about to go off.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

Can we bring back the lost art of just hanging out at your friends house doing absolutely nothing?

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

I can’t stop thinking about how a tanning bed really turns you into the human version of a gas station hot dog.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

Soon as vampires become real, I’m first in line for my bite.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

If you don’t know how many x-rays it takes before a person develops super powers, should you really be in a medical profession?

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

The older I get, the easier it is for me to look at a situation and say: “Yeahhh, I’m out.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,293

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Welcome to your 40s. A random back pain will be assigned to you shortly, and you’ll never know what flares it up every time.

Trending via Snapchat:

Why do people think it’s ok to ask why a person is single? I don’t ask why you’re unhappily married.

Breaking via WeChat:

I’m no doctor but I’m pretty sure this Santa-shaped chocolate oughta settle my stomach.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Sorry, can you repeat what you said? I didn’t have my glasses on.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

My bank assures me my money is safe with them, yet they keep their pens chained to desks and most of them are missing.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Tuesday is no better than Monday.

Live now on Threads:

I only buy cookware with the handles that somehow get hotter than the pot itself.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Getting up early would be easier if we could keep our eyes closed.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Cops wake up Christmas morning excited as hell to ignore their family and go sit on the highway with a radar gun for 10 hours.

Seen just now on X:

Scientists just confirmed that our dreams were real in another reality.

Holding back your sarcastic replies takes a lot of inner strength.

2 months ago

0

Holding back your sarcastic replies takes a lot of inner strength.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Resisting the urge to let those zingers fly is basically a full-body workout for your self-control muscles! 💪😂 Remember, sarcasm is just one more service we offer here at the "Snarky Comments Gym." Keep flexing those inner strength muscles, champ! 💬🏋️‍♂️

back, holding, humor, inner, inner strength, lot, reply, sarcasm, sarcastic, self-control, strength, wit

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Please don’t tell me how bad your life was growing up, we had to manually roll up our car windows.

0

2 months ago

bad, car, car window, childhood, generational, humor, life, manual, me, nostalgia, roll, struggle, technology, tell, window
One interesting thing I learned in my thirties is that you can leave a bar before it closes.

0

2 months ago

activity, aging, bar, bars, before, fun, fun activity, humor, i, interesting, joke, learned, leave, life, nightlife, social, social life, thing, thirty
I tiptoe near my medicine cabinet because I don’t want to wake my sleeping pills.

0

2 months ago

cabinet, humor, i, insomnia, joke, medicine, medicine cabinet, pill, silence, sleeping, sleeping pill, tiptoe, wake, want
You can tell me what you want, but alcohol and eye contact are a dangerous combination.

0

2 months ago

alcohol, communication, contact, danger, dangerous, date, eye, eye contact, humor, interaction, me, relationship, social, social interaction, tell, want
First time buying fireworks, and I wasn’t sure I’d picked the right ones until the salesman gave me a wink and high-foured me.

0

2 months ago

buying, celebration, firework, fireworks, first time, high five, humor, i, ID, me, ones, picked, right, salesman, sure, time, wink
The minute I start feeling like a mother to a man, the relationship is over.

0

4 months ago

breakup, feeling, humor, i, man, minute, mother, over, relationship, start

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

58 shares on Reddit this month:

I don’t need a fancy watch to tell me I’m not fit one bit.

23 shares on Messenger this month:

Oligarchy sounds like something you dip your breadstick in at the olive garden.

72 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m homeless. Minus the ‘m’.

93 shares on Twitch this month:

August is technically summer, but spiritually fall.

28 shares on Twitch this month:

I need something good to watch while I’m on my phone.

34 shares on Snapchat this month:

Zen and the Art of Empty Pockets.

28 shares on Twitch this month:

Accessories can really boost a woman’s self-confidence. For example, I know I would feel 10x sexier if I carried a sword with me at all times.

22 shares on Slack this month:

What I learned from Covid is that it’s basically possible to do all your work from home while drunk.

93 shares on LinkedIn this month:

“You’re acting weird!” I’m not acting.

65 shares on YouTube this month:

I don’t understand people who say “I don’t know how to thank you.” Like they never heard of money.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Accidentally became important at work and it’s ruining my life.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I love admitting when I’m wrong, because it gives me a break from always being right, like finally.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve calculated my December budget and realized I can only afford to pray.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

What is the name of the course in medical school where you learn not to take your patients seriously?

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Of course there’s birth control for men. It’s called the way they act.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Every night, millions of teeth go unbrushed.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Family fistfights brought to you by Monopoly.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

When a girl says “5 mins,” think about it like five minutes left in the 4th quarter, and both teams have all their timeouts.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Farts are just the ghosts of the things we eat.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

“Love is in the air.” Wrong. Microplastics.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,583

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

Need a dimly lit cocktail date with a gaze so lustful it causes God to draft up another sin.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

Life update: it’s getting worse.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

My extravagant lifestyle of paying for housing and buying groceries is really getting in the way of my ability to save money.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

I changed my alarm clock sound to an applause, it’s the least I deserve for waking up at 7am.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

Hide and seek, except it’s my husband searching for where he last put his pants.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

I love when my grandma texts me — because I know it took her an hour.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

People who lie all the time really think that we don’t know.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

It’s officially Christmas shopping season, and I can’t even afford my own life.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

Never mind a Roomba, I need a robot garbage can that will follow my kids around the house all day.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Telegram:

You don’t see guys traveling around on those seesaw-type push carts on railroad tracks anymore.

Spotted on X:

They should invent a day where you aren’t tired.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Misses Claus only married Santa because of his big sack.

Going viral on YouTube:

My dogs don’t feel earthquakes because they have constant gas.

Seen just now on Instagram:

When buying presents I like to think, what would Jesus have got you? So yeah, enjoy your fish sandwich.

Broadcasted on Threads:

People who sound like fonts: Ariana Grande. Roman Roy. Jim Courier. Lydia West. Bon Iver. Suella Braverman. Jesse Ventura.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Just as “magic spells” use special rhymes and archaic terms to signal their power, the convoluted language of legalese acts to convey a sense of authority.

Shared recently on Facebook:

If you want your teen to finish her homework, tell her to fold the laundry.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I think that police officers on foot should wear blue flashing sneakers.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

You ever wake up in the morning and your first thought is ‘I can’t wait to go to bed tonight’?

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