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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

The sexual tension between me and a late afternoon coffee to get me through the workday.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

Seven wives and no alcohol? No thanks, Mormons.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

Had a king sized bed all to myself last night. Must be what Rose felt like on that door.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

Roman soldiers are all like “I’m going to fight you in this short yet tasteful leather skirt.”

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

In a turn of unexpected events, I need to learn karate by tomorrow morning.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

If I’m gonna jingle your bells, I’m definitely gonna jingle them all the way.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

If you step on the back of my shoe and it comes off, I will do the same thing to your head.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

Maybe I died of Covid in 2020, and this is hell.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

I’m at an age where, when I’m tying my shoes, I think about what else I can do while I’m down here.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

They need to increase life expectancy so I can squeeze in another mid-life crisis.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,408

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Twitch:

If my son ever came out as gay, I’d be so furious. Furious that he never gave me fashion advice.

Just shared via Discord:

Cleaning out your camera roll is like the biggest chore ever.

Just shared via TikTok:

Kinda psycho that there’s a clothing brand called “Banana Republic.”

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

I don’t fight my demons anymore. We collaborate.

Going viral on Telegram:

Still don’t understand how girls with no jobs be holding iPhones.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I was going to go for a run, then realized I could just run my mouth on here.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Fun fact: The US was originally not meant to be a reality TV show.

Seen just now on TikTok:

The way Christmas shopping expects me to have money right now is, honestly, disrespectful.

Just shared via Messenger:

Reading fanfics is so fun, I wish romantic attraction was real.

Spotted on Instagram:

Please don’t be mean to me, because I can be meaner and I hate being mean.

Honestly, I don’t think I have any more new passwords left in me. You wanna steal my identity? Go ahead, I hope you enjoy debt and terrible posture.

2 weeks ago

Witty text about password fatigue and identity theft humorously warning cyber villains.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh, the modern struggle of juggling passwords and identity theft risk! 🤦‍♂️ Who knew that a strong password could also double as free identity theft protection and a gentle reminder to sit up straight? 🤣 Stay safe out there, folks! #PasswordProblems #IdentityTheftDeterrent

debt, enjoy, frustration, hope, humor, i, identity, left, me, new, password, posture, steal, stealing, technology, terrible, think

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

32 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.

88 shares on Discord this month:

Not the sharpest cheddar on the charcuterie board.

67 shares on TikTok this month:

Moose would have been a better name for a cow.

47 shares on Snapchat this month:

Solitude never hits you with unsolicited opinions.

46 shares on Telegram this month:

Being able to tolerate the sound of your own voice in a video is probably the highest form of self-acceptance.

23 shares on Threads this month:

Today, I changed a light bulb and walked into a bar. My life is a joke.

75 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I stop myself at least twice a day from posting a status that would make everyone grab popcorn.

51 shares on Facebook this month:

When you look this sexy, they should let you leave work early.

68 shares on YouTube this month:

If you want to feel really bad about yourself, just start dating.

34 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The list of women who haven’t slept with me is really impressive.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Pirate: walks the plank. Someone’s dad: Is this teak?

13 folks are currently checking 👀

The only person I ever call is my wife, and that’s just when we’re trying to find her phone.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

The Princess and the Pea, except it’s a rogue hair on the inside of my shirt driving me crazy all day.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

“Do you like using Twitter?” Does Sisyphus like his boulder?

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Whatever you do today, do it with the confidence of a 4-year old wearing a Batman cape.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Social media is proof that even mental hospitals have WiFi.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Getting drunk was invented by Big Text to make you send more texts.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t understand all the fuss about ChatGPT – I have teenagers who already know everything.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m almost finished reading your tweet. Love it so far.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’m like Sisyphus but with dishes. Dishyphus.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,410

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

I used to think adulthood was one crisis after another. I was wrong. Multiple crises. Concurrently. All at once. All the time. Forever.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

I watch “Law and Order” so much that when I turn off the TV, I wipe my fingerprints off the remote.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

I can understand why chickens wake up and scream.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

“You’re always drinking wine!” God forbid a girl enjoys the first miracle of Jesus.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

Welcome to Twitter, where everyone is an expert on everything.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

If you’re a squatter, every day is leg day.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

I’m glad I have boobs. The last thing I need is people making eye contact with me.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

Even though he murders a lot of people, you can tell Freddie Kruger is a fun loving guy cause he goes by Freddie and not Fred or Frederick.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

If you can’t look back at your younger self and realize that you were an idiot, you are probably still an idiot.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

A credit card is kind of like a gift card to every store.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via TikTok:

“Topless” doesn’t always mean breasts or a convertible. Sometimes it also means the brain.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I wish I could just drop my body off at the gym and pick it up later.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

The nice thing about getting older is that you don’t even have to be drunk to fall in the bushes.

Making waves on WeChat:

I used to think that the older you get, the wiser and more self-confident you become. I now know that you just get tired more quickly.

Making waves on Threads:

Unless I ask, I genuinely don’t care to hear other people’s opinions on my life. It’s almost a pet peeve, really.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Welcome to your parents’ house, where the wifi password is fEtbqP2LVp3U6Hkh

Seen just now on Facebook:

Life is too short. Tell his mom what he did to you.

Going viral on YouTube:

I just ordered a life alert bracelet, so if I ever get a life, I’ll be notified immediately.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Let the kids believe in Santa. I believed the Undertaker and Kane were brothers.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Overthinkaholic!

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