11 funny stealing quotes - Wordgag

I don’t know which is worse, people stealing your jokes or people not stealing your jokes.

May 21, 2026

My husband loves it when he orders fries, I say I don’t want any, and then I swoop in on his like a seagull at the beach.

May 19, 2026

Asking for a cigarette, then adding it to my own pack.

May 19, 2026

I saved a ton of money on a security system by stealing my neighbor’s.

May 18, 2026

To steal from one is plagiarism, to steal from many is research.

May 18, 2026

If buying isn’t owning, then pirating isn’t stealing.

Apr 1, 2026

I’ll never understand people who go through self-checkout line and slowly and carefully scan their items. This line is for stealing.

Mar 26, 2026

As I’m moonwalking away, they didn’t even notice I had stolen a brownie.

Mar 26, 2026

I always make sure the garage door is shut. Wouldn’t want hoodlums stealing the stuff I’ve been meaning to get rid of for years.

Mar 26, 2026

Honestly, I don’t think I have any more new passwords left in me. You wanna steal my identity? Go ahead, I hope you enjoy debt and terrible posture.

Mar 26, 2026

Schrodinger’s Immigrant: A person who is simultaneously too lazy to work, but is also stealing your job.

Mar 25, 2026