Wordgag 🎅

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

My body’s check engine light has been on for years.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

Oh, I shouldn’t worry? Why didn’t I think of that?

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

For your own sanity, move on like you never knew them, because in reality, you never did.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

My dog understands several human words. I don’t understand any dog barks. He may be smarter than me.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

I love it when God gives me money.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

I always make sure the garage door is shut. Wouldn’t want hoodlums stealing the stuff I’ve been meaning to get rid of for years.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

90% of my thoughts start with: “What can I eat now?”

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

I’m trying to quit making sexual innuendos but it’s so hard.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

I think being a hopeless romantic is giving me brain damage.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

If you can stand me, you deserve me!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

501 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,094

Funny Quotes Topics

17,246

Funny Quotes Images

15,094

Dec 22, 2025

4,009

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WeChat:

I’ll marry the person who can go to a family event with me and still like me afterward.

Breaking via Facebook:

Half of all the problems in life can be solved by duct tape. For the rest, you’re gonna have to reboot that computer.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

That incredible ability of cats to only throw up on carpeted floors.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Petition to add fitted sheet folding to the olympics.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Call a girl beautiful 1000 times and she won’t notice. Call her fat once and she will never forget. That’s because elephants never forget.

Shared recently on Telegram:

If your god commands you to kill others, find another god.

Making waves on Threads:

Salsa counts as a serving of vegetables, right?

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I saved a ton of money on a security system by stealing my neighbor’s.

Going bananas on Messenger:

If you want to make God laugh, inhale some helium then tell Him your plans.

Shared recently on X:

If I was a little smarter, I’d be aware of how stupid I am.

How do I gracefully leave this party early but also take the queso dip with me?

2 months ago

0

How do I gracefully leave this party early but also take the queso dip with me?

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Looks like we have a classic case of 'dipping out' with dip on the mind! 🧀💃Who knew that queso could be the perfect excuse for a stylish exit? Just remember, a true queso lover never leaves a party without a cheesy companion! 🎉👋 #LifeHack #QuesoOnTheGo"

dip, early, exit, exit strategy, food, gracefully, humor, i, leave, leave early, me, party, queso, queso dip, situation, social, social situation, strategy, take

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The next James Bond should be weird. Like he wears a train conductor’s hat and is afraid of balloons.

0

2 months ago

afraid, balloon, bond, character, conductor, hat, humor, james, James Bond, movie, next, quirky, should, train, train conductor, weird
My superpower is holding onto stuff for years and throwing it away exactly one week before I need it.

0

2 months ago

exactly, holding, humor, i, irony, need, procrastination, stuff, superpower, throwing, timing, week
Today I couldn’t find a parking space at work, so I drove back home. Looks like they have enough people there.

0

2 months ago

back, commute, frustration, home, humor, i, joke, looks, parking, people, space, today, work
Being skinny may be nice, but chicken nuggets are even nicer.

0

1 month ago

chicken, chicken nugget, chicken nuggets, diet, food, humor, indulgence, nice, nugget, preference, skinny
If your wife uses “I” it means she will be doing something. “We” means you will be.

0

1 month ago

communication, doing, humor, i, marriage, relationship, wife
I don’t understand the concept of “the man of your dreams”. Every time my wife wakes up after dreaming about me, she is really pissed off about something dream me did.

0

2 months ago

concept, dream, dreams, every, humor, i, man, me, pissed, relationship, sleep, something, time, understand, wife

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

26 shares on Facebook this month:

I miss my Dad opening the windows and talking about cross-ventilation.

38 shares on Snapchat this month:

This going into the office stuff blows. Like, I seriously have to wear clothes now.

52 shares on Instagram this month:

The internal struggle between wanting to be productive and just wanting to nap all day.

24 shares on Reddit this month:

I unload the dishwasher backwards… just to feel something.

89 shares on TikTok this month:

Extroverts love our energy. That’s why they suck it out of us.

11 shares on TikTok this month:

Old age is always 15 years older than I am.

44 shares on X this month:

Sorry, I wasn’t really listening but that’s awesome, unless it isn’t of course.

22 shares on Threads this month:

It’s crazy people waste their time with hobbies and family when there are strangers on the internet who need to be argued with.

45 shares on Telegram this month:

I really understand why boomers text with ellipses between everything… it feels so good…

43 shares on Threads this month:

Me: “I’m still young.” My bones: “No, we not.”

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate it when what’s wrong asks me what’s wrong.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I think about starting a podcast and then I remember all I do during conversations is nod.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

My friends have canceled our dinner plans two nights in a row. I’m starting to think they don’t like dinner.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I can’t be bothered with people that can’t be bothered.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Just blocked a guy for accusing me of being “all talk”. On Twitter.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

They should invent friends whose schedules line up with yours.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

My parents think they know me.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

If you don’t like sports, you are missing a whole world of easy-going conversations with complete strangers.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Some stupid little amoeba decided to leave the ocean a billion years ago and now I have to worry about Monday.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

A beaver is an otter that has studied architecture.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

501 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,094

Funny Quotes Topics

17,246

Funny Quotes Images

15,094

Updated

Dec 22, 2025

Users Online

4,024

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

Aubrey Plaza is like an alien who went to earth to study us but accidentally got famous and can’t leave.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

The way Christmas shopping expects me to have money right now is, honestly, disrespectful.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

Screen time on your computer feels like healthy screen time, screen time on your phone feels like evil screen time.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

I like liking Instagram stories because I like pressing buttons.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

The 80s were wild, man. You had bands naming themselves after predatory cats with hearing problems.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

It’s called the Summer Olympics so one of the events should be running in flip flops to catch the ice cream man.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

The longer you go without something, the more comfortable you become without it. That goes for people, too.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

It’s nice to have a moment to breathe before reality knocks the wind out of you again.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

This entire “presidency” is like being tied to a chair and watching a toddler play with a loaded pistol.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

There is nothing worse in life than calling customer service and hearing an Indian accent.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I’m a total go with the flow kinda person as long as the flow is meticulously scheduled well in advance and there are no mid-flow changes whatsoever.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

I’m not a good fit for the traditional job market because my greatest strengths are challenging authority, being self-righteous, and wanting to go home.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

That awkward moment when you’re about to leave work and your boss says “before you go”.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Sometimes being on your phone all day is your destiny.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Roses are red, violets are blue. When I listen to rock music, my neighbors do too.

Just landed via Threads:

Today is the Mondayest Thursday that has ever been mistaken for a Friday in the history of Wednesdays.

Going viral on Pinterest:

I don’t like to call it a xenomorph — I prefer the term “the alien from Alien.”

Making waves on Slack:

If I say, “First of all,” run away, because I have prepared peer-reviewed research, data, and charts, and I will destroy you.

Just landed via YouTube:

I don’t understand how spending more money than I earn is irresponsible. I’m giving more than I take. I’m generous.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Having to choose between an old guy or a convicted felon is a perfect depiction of what dating apps are Iike.

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