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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

Hired a financial advisor, and his first piece of advice was that I don’t make nearly enough money to justify paying a financial advisor.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

This entire year I was method acting. None of it was real. I was working on a bit.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

Every single bad day happened because I woke up.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

If your first child is uncomplicated, then it’s a trick of nature to get you to have a second child. The second will be an unpredictable bundle of energy that seems to get by without sleep.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

Long distance relationships can work if the four of you all truly trust each other.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

Dear God, thank you for the job I have. But if you have a lottery win planned for me, I’m ready! Thank you.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

Saying “You’re tearing this family apart” whenever someone argues with me.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

Dating apps aren’t working, time to walk into a cafe looking confused.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

Am I just getting old or are people getting more annoying?

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

When is someone actually going to change the surprise in the avocado? This hard core is kind of a stupid toy.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,725

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

As a child, all I wanted was as to be a time traveller, like my grandson and his grandson before him.

Just landed via Slack:

I broke up with the gym. We were just not working out.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Passwords are like underwear: You shouldn’t leave them out where people can see them, you should change them regularly, and you shouldn’t loan them out to strangers.

Shared recently on Discord:

Іf you’re sad about being alone on Valentine’s Day, just remember that nobody loves you on any other day of the year either.

Trending via Messenger:

It’s like 10,000 Tupperwares when all you need is a lid.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Rise and grind your teeth gently while ruminating over every past mistake.

Live now on LinkedIn:

My version of flirting is looking at someone I find attractive multiple times and hoping they’re braver than me.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I’ve tasted being the bigger person, I’ve also tasted matching energy. I recommend no contact.

Just landed via Reddit:

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera!

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Why’d they call it a fly swatter and not a splatula?

How do I gracefully leave this party early but also take the queso dip with me?

2 months ago

0

How do I gracefully leave this party early but also take the queso dip with me?

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Looks like we have a classic case of 'dipping out' with dip on the mind! 🧀💃Who knew that queso could be the perfect excuse for a stylish exit? Just remember, a true queso lover never leaves a party without a cheesy companion! 🎉👋 #LifeHack #QuesoOnTheGo"

dip, early, exit, exit strategy, food, gracefully, humor, i, leave, leave early, me, party, queso, queso dip, situation, social, social situation, strategy, take

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I hope you catch the bouquet at my funeral.

0

2 months ago

bouquet, catch, celebration, event, funeral, hope, humor, i, irony
If craziness could fly, some people would have their own airport.

0

2 months ago

airport, craziness, fly, humor, insanity, joke, own, people
There are only two kinds of people, and I avoid them both.

0

2 months ago

avoid, both, humor, i, kinds, only, people
I usually start exploring the abyss around 7 p.m.

0

5 hours ago

abyss, adventure, around, evening, exploring, humor, i, routine, start, time
Not a religious man but I do say a short prayer whenever I open a gas station restroom door.

0

2 months ago

bathroom, cleanliness, door, expectation, gas, gas station, humor, i, man, open, prayer, restroom, risk, say, short, station, whenever
No, I am not refreshed from my long weekend. I was reminded that I am not meant to work, but I am trapped in The Machine.

0

2 months ago

am, feeling, frustration, humor, i, long weekend, machine, meant, refreshed, trapped, weekend, work

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

89 shares on Slack this month:

Sorry about all of the correct stuff I said when I was right.

16 shares on Pinterest this month:

I just want someone who can read a book with me in silence, and then do ungodly things sometimes.

44 shares on Pinterest this month:

No one warned me that being an adult was mostly just hurrying up to get somewhere you don’t want to go in the first place.

39 shares on Pinterest this month:

Sperm me would be swimming in the other direction.

85 shares on Instagram this month:

I just want someone who will treat me like a lady and hold the refrigerator door open for me.

45 shares on YouTube this month:

I am writing a book about reverse psychology. Please don’t buy it.

42 shares on Reddit this month:

I have no desire to work now. I had five days off in a row where I dined at a feast and was entertained at a cinema. I have flown too high to return to a laptop.

87 shares on Reddit this month:

I dropped and broke my phone today. Hurt more than childbirth!

12 shares on Instagram this month:

Me: “I should treat myself to something.” My bank account: “Dream on.”

69 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m glad laughter is the best medicine because my insurance sucks.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I drive home so quick after work like I’m late for the house.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

The Pope is the only employee who never gets to see his boss. Not even at the Christmas party.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Much like lasagna, I’m just held together by cheese at this point.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Emotions? No thanks. I’m trying to cut down.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

When a girl is done with you, she talks to you like she’s in HR or something.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I relate to a rooster because I also want start off my day by screaming.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

No one talks about the resentment you have towards yourself after you didn’t listen to your gut.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I think it’s time I find myself a new inspiration, asking myself “what would Batman do?” gets me in too much trouble.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Just once I’d like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear “Monday has been cancelled,” and then go back to sleep.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,844

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

The fact Head and Shoulders doesn’t have a body wash called Knees and Toes, is disappointing.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

Going to hack Kanye’s account and make him post something normal.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

If I ever went to jail for murder, it would be for murdering my printer.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

People will name their dog Steve and have two kids named Buddy and Rocket.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

“I’ve never done parkour, but I have chased a toddler with an open Sharpie through the house.”

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

Fitness influencer: It’s important to listen to your body. Body: You’re old. And you want lasagna.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

My personal brand is being the guest at a wedding who can’t dance but puts in a noticeable effort.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

Every CVS has its own unique energy that’s powerful enough to exalt or destroy the individual.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

Spice up your meltdown through interpretive dance.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

Santa punched a hole in my wall because I left him soy milk.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Messenger:

If they played poker with potato chips, I’d have a gambling problem.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Slapping the TV remote on your knee extends the battery life. It’s science.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

When someone asks me why I’m leaving the party early, I say “I’m late for an appointment with my pajamas.”

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Guys have good pics on their dating profiles because their ex took them.

Going viral on Snapchat:

The difference between a hippo and a zippo is that one is really heavy and the other is a little lighter. Thank you and good night.

Seen just now on Reddit:

If chickens knew how good they tasted, they would understand.

Shared recently on Telegram:

If you ever ask a teen to do something and they just say “sure” without arguing, check that they haven’t been replaced with an android.

Spotted on TikTok:

Sunday night: Super Bowl party! Monday morning: Toilet Bowl party!

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Accidentally made eye contact with the sweets at the grocery store and now have to declare bankruptcy.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I don’t know how to knit, so I made you a tinfoil hat.

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