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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

Getting drunk was invented by Big Text to make you send more texts.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

You unfollow me because you are afraid of falling in love with me. I know!

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

Sorry I zoned out during your story… my brain was offering me multiple side quests and overthinking opportunities.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

I should be able to eat one huge meal a month, like a snake. This every-few-hours shit sucks.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

Working on my harmonica skills so those around me can both hear and feel my depression.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

I tried to walk like an Egyptian and now I need to see a Cairo practor.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

You can have glossy lips or you can have a cat. You can’t have both.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

I like how the Tooth Fairy got the job, and then subbed it out to everyone’s parents. That’s called “business savvy.”

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

Shit posting is cheaper than therapy.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

If women came with instructions, men wouldn’t read them anyway.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Jan 7, 2026

3,385

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

They should invent a January that doesn’t drain your will to live.

Going viral on Facebook:

Being a writer means knowing exactly how your story ends, and having absolutely no idea how to get there.

Spotted on Facebook:

Quitting a job is not enough. I need them to go out of business when I leave.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Opening this app is like lighting a cigarette.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I think that police officers on foot should wear blue flashing sneakers.

Going bananas on Slack:

Silence is my favourite form of communication in the morning.

Live now on Reddit:

Every time a bird poops on my car, I eat a plate of wings on the front porch to show them what I’m capable of.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Pharaohs were buried with their hands crossed their chest because of their belief there would be countless water slides in the after life.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

A degree in international law is about as real as a degree in Dothraki.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Gonna eat birthday cake all day because it’s someone’s birthday out there, and we’re about to celebrate together, stranger.

I admire the audacity of beavers, they just move to a new area and say “screw the neighbors, imma put a lake here”.

2 months ago

0

I admire the audacity of beavers, they just move to a new area and say “screw the neighbors, imma put a lake here”.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Those beavers are true pioneers in the world of real estate development! 🏡🌲 Nothing says confidence like completely redesigning the landscape to suit your own aquatic needs. Who needs neighbors when you've got a lake to call your own, right? 😄🦫 #BeaverGoals

admire, area, audacity, beaver, boldness, here, humor, i, just, lake, move, nature, neighbors, new, put, say, screw

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Your phone is a casino designed to steal your time.

0

3 days ago

addiction, analogy, casino, distraction, humor, phone, steal, technology, time
Rental car companies seem so insanely helpless at their one job. You show up at the airport, reservation in hand, and they’re like, ‘Wait, really? You wanted a car? Sorry, you totally caught me off guard.’

0

5 months ago

airport, car, caught, company, customer, customer service, frustration, guard, hand, humor, job, me, rental, rental car, rental company, reservation, sarcasm, service, show, sorry, wait, wanted
This coffee isn’t working. Think I need holy water.

0

2 months ago

addiction, caffeine, coffee, coffee addiction, coffee joke, holy, holy water, humor, i, joke, morning, morning routine, need, routine, think, water, working
An article of clothing left on the floor long enough becomes clean again because the germs eventually get bored and leave.

0

1 week ago

again, article, bored, clean, cleanliness, clothing, enough, floor, germ, humor, joke, laundry, leave, left, procrastination
If one door opens when another door closes, your house is probably haunted.

0

2 months ago

close, comedy, door, haunted, house, humor, open
It’s like 10,000 yawns when all you need is a nap.

0

2 months ago

exhaustion, fatigue, humor, nap, need, rest, sleep, yawn

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

25 shares on Facebook this month:

Have you tried complaining about it?

66 shares on Threads this month:

Sure the Lego botanical sets are great but dusting them is another story.

88 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I wish my wife’s sighs came with subtitles.

30 shares on LinkedIn this month:

“It’s not that deep!” Well, I have a shovel and I enjoy digging for meaning.

85 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I think Cinderella should have lived a happy life with all her animal friends rather than settle for a man who had her try on a shoe because he didn’t recognize her without makeup.

98 shares on Reddit this month:

Once I see a vein on your forehead while we arguing, I’ll let you be.

58 shares on Pinterest this month:

Curious that talented athletes frequently credit God when they win, but we rarely see them blame God when they lose.

25 shares on Slack this month:

After having received my free sample of winter, I would like to cancel my subscription please.

49 shares on YouTube this month:

You know what part I love about waking up? None of it. Let me sleep!

66 shares on Twitch this month:

The older I get, the more I realize being in a hurry is a terrible way to live your life.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

If someone ghosts you, respect the dead and never disturb them again.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

The sweet spot is just enough pain to know you’re alive, but not quite enough to wish you were dead.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Drove by a woman with her car broke down, I was going to stop and help until I remembered I don’t know anything about cars or women.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Once married, the woman takes over the entire closet and the man stores everything he owns in his left cargo pocket.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I am a full grown adult. Now listen to me discuss the various plot holes in Paw Patrol.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

If you’re not happy single you won’t be happy married. Happiness comes from eating food, not from relationships.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I learned that when dogs lean against you it’s their version of hugging and now every time my dog leans against me my eyes start leaking.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t think inside the box and I don’t think outside the box. I don’t even know where the box is.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

First rule for the new year is to not dwell on what went wrong this year.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Yes, I am super annoying, but don’t worry, it’s just permanent.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,548

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

Just paid my bills, so don’t ask me to come out. I’m at home getting my money’s worth.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

Dating profiles should make you share a sound bite of you sneezing.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

I will never sell out my integrity unless I am offered something for it.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

Best friends: they know how crazy you are but still choose to be seen in public with you.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

I just read a thing that said I should compliment myself on my decisions, regardless of the outcome. No thanks, I’m not the government.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

On my phone, you’ll never see contacts saved as ‘babe’ or ‘love.’ I save full names—first and last—like a government office.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

Keeping a picture of my bed in a locket around my neck and staring at it longingly on my lunch break.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

My first mistake of my life was my birth.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

I’m retired. I was tired yesterday and I’m tired again today.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

I have been touched inappropriately by the sun today.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Animals are 15 minutes old and already know what to do.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I’m gonna build a pirate ship and sail the high seas. Who’s coming with?

Trending via Slack:

Half of Twitter is horny, half is depressed, and the other half don’t know how to do math.

Shared recently on WeChat:

No one flirts better than a guy who’s not interested in you.

Breaking via Messenger:

I tell people I rearrange my furniture to change things up, but we all know it’s to annoy my husband.

Making waves on Discord:

You only live once and thank God for that.

Just landed via Telegram:

Hello pollen, my old friend, my nose is running once again.

Trending via TikTok:

Half of all the problems in life can be solved by duct tape. For the rest, you’re gonna have to reboot that computer.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I wouldn’t describe myself as an “adult”, per se. More like a “long child”.

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