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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

It would be cool if, after you died, you could see the top 5 times you almost died.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

Talking to the stars because people suck.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

Sometimes the voices in my head get bullied by the voices in my stomach.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

None of the Instagram story fonts represent me.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

The meteorologist who devised the wind chill factor has died. He was 86, but he felt like 75.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

There should be a “Take Your Friend to Work Day,” so we can actually see what our friends do all day and meet the characters from all their work stories.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

Being too stressed isn’t good for the baby. I’m not pregnant though, it’s just that I’m the baby.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

I miss when my biggest problem was whether my Happy Meal toy matched the one from the commercial.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

If you want to impress me with your car, it better be a food truck.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

Sitting with my legs really wide to experiment with gender.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,336

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Messenger:

When my nudes go to the cloud, I always hope God is impressed.

Trending via TikTok:

I wear black because it’s slimming. Exercise is also slimming, but like I said, I wear black.

Seen just now on TikTok:

My kids couldn’t care less about personal hygiene unless we are running late somewhere.

Shared recently on Telegram:

My dad thought Siri would be more helpful finding a lemon ricotta recipe if he used an Italian accent.

Trending via Reddit:

I named my wifi “The Promised LAN” because it always connects, but occasionally leaves you wandering in the desert looking for a better signal.

Breaking via Instagram:

Doing nothing is hard. You never know when you are done.

Breaking via WeChat:

There is always enough for the needy, there is never enough for the greedy.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Born to say “Who the hell raised you to be this stupid.” Forced to work in groups.

Freshly posted on Threads:

FaceTiming me is for platinum members only.

Going bananas on WeChat:

Pouring rain, football on TV, empty house; the stuff dreams are made of.

I always bring a glass of water to bed with me so I have something to knock over in the middle of the night.

2 months ago

0

I always bring a glass of water to bed with me so I have something to knock over in the middle of the night.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic bedtime party trick: knocking over a glass of water in the dark! 🌙💦 Who needs an alarm clock when you have the sound of spillage to wake you up?! 🚨😅 One way to stay hydrated and entertained all night long! 🌌🛏️ #BedsideClumsiness"

always, bed, bring, glass, humor, i, knock, knock over, me, middle, night, over, routine, sleep, something, water

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Me, first week as a volunteer firefighter thinking we only rescue cats: We’re going where?

0

2 months ago

cat, cats, expectation, firefighter, first week, going, humor, me, rescue, surprise, thinking, volunteer, week, where
Googling phone numbers you don’t recognize instead of actually answering the phone.

0

4 months ago

actually, answering, answering phone, anxiety, call, Googling, habit, humor, modern, modern habit, number, numbers, phone, phone anxiety, phone number, procrastination, technology
I need to start hiding my money from myself.

0

2 months ago

finance, hiding, humor, i, money, myself, need, procrastination, self, spending, start
I’ve literally never copied and pasted text and thought, “I’m so glad it kept the formatting and font from the other document.”

0

2 months ago

copy, document, font, formatting, frustration, glad, humor, never, paste, technology, text, thought
No thanks, social media influencers. I prefer making decisions the old-fashioned way: under the influence of alcohol.

0

2 months ago

alcohol, comedy, decisions, drinking, humor, i, influence, influencers, lifestyle, making, media, old fashioned, social, social media, thanks, under
People never run off to join the circus anymore.

0

5 months ago

circus, join, never, people, run

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

74 shares on Messenger this month:

Gonna start using “with all dude respect”.

79 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I just sneezed my wife awake from a nap so any discussion about renewing vows is on hold for a bit.

18 shares on Messenger this month:

When people suck the life out of you, they should take some fat too.

97 shares on WeChat this month:

Gravity, at all times, is trying to pull your pants down.

27 shares on Slack this month:

They should invent a January that doesn’t drain your will to live.

56 shares on Snapchat this month:

All these microplastics in me could at least do some repair work to my knees and back while they’re in there.

94 shares on Messenger this month:

I told you so. Kind regards, your gut feeling.

59 shares on Instagram this month:

My favorite part about having a Peloton is telling people I have a Peloton.

22 shares on TikTok this month:

I dunno how to flirt but I can insult you so nicely.

51 shares on Snapchat this month:

Kids these days don’t know the shame of having to explain yo-yo injuries.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Seeing yourself on a FaceTime screenshot really humbles you.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Opening a bakery and calling it “I’m a crepe. I’m a weird dough.”

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Not a religious man but I do say a short prayer whenever I open a gas station restroom door.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

One of the toughest jobs in parenting is serving the inevitable eviction notice on your kid’s pillow fort.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I know I seem a little crazy sometimes, but that’s because I AM.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

If it doesn’t get a like in the first two years, I delete it.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Bold of you to assume I have the energy to even climb a hill to die on.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I love when I see a really beautiful car, and I look inside, and it’s a beautiful woman. That’s fire.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Crazy how many organs in your body are dedicated to the poopification of dinner.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

She’s got style, she’s got grace, she crams french fries in her face.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,668

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

My hair would never allow me to commit a crime. I really do leave my DNA everywhere.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

Only people who grew up before the internet will remember these: spelling, grammar and punctuation.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

Stay up till 4 a.m. one night, and your sleep schedule is ruined for the next 4 years.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

Fact: Snow in November happens because people decorate for Christmas prematurely. You know who you are. Stop it.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

My doctor told me “good luck” and gave me finger guns, so obviously I’m dying.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

This whole “having a job” thing is really getting in the way of me having my best life.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

Reading Shakespeare for the first time is crazy because you go, “Oh, that’s where that comes from,” every other page.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

You can’t convince me that 2020 didn’t open a portal to hell that we’re still living in.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

When you’re using Grok, the A in Al just stands for Adolf.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

I respect perfume commercials being like we can’t show you a smell mind if we just go insane for 30 seconds.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Threads:

Someone was saying that social media makes you miss out on your real life, but have you seen real life?

Just landed via Pinterest:

I like you so much, I’d actually learn your phone number.

Breaking via TikTok:

I will not accept a hint. I will act dumb until you say it clearly to me.

Going viral on Reddit:

As I’m moonwalking away, they didn’t even notice I had stolen a brownie.

Breaking via Snapchat:

How do I get my glasses prescription placed in my windshield?

Live now on LinkedIn:

It’s a good friend who, when you want the truth, knows what truth you want.

Making waves on Reddit:

When I grow up, I’d like to be a retired lottery winner.

Going viral on WeChat:

I love chatty cats like, yeah, bro, meow meow, you’re so right.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Sorry I said your toddler should be in commercials for birth control.

Spotted on TikTok:

The Bloodhound Gang were very special because its music for 12-year-old boys, but every reference requires you to be 40 years old.

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