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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

My signature move is me looking for my phone that I’m currently holding in my hand.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

Lie about the gap in your resume. Tell them you had to help some Hobbits take a ring to Mordor or something.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

Italy stands for I Truly Always Love You.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

I’m so bored, I’m gonna join a poly-relationship and stage a coup and kick the main one out.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

I am not someone you have to host if you invite me, because I will have canceled.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

Everybody hates me for being a beautiful angel with a perfect soul.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

Turns out “YouTube rabbit hole” is not a reliable science degree.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

Sex is so embarrassing. Like, why did I want to do that to you?

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

I have browser tabs open that are older than you.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

I may regret the megabytes I’ve wasted, but I’ll never regret the megabites I’ve tasted.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2267 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,429

Funny Quotes Topics

15,132

Funny Quotes Images

12,429

2 hours ago

3,449

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

First date idea: we search for each other’s criminal history together.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Pharaohs were buried with their hands crossed over their chest because of the belief there would be countless water slides in the after life.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Entered this world crying, and honestly, not much has changed.

Making waves on Discord:

Actually, this email could’ve been a meeting. We could’ve spent an hour on the clock talking shit and gossiping. Someone could’ve brought bagels.

Live now on Telegram:

If I was lying down and someone came up and gave me tons of kisses and smooshed my face, I’d love it. I don’t know what my cat’s problem is.

Live now on LinkedIn:

There’s no sadder tableau in all of humanity than the smoker’s terrarium at the airport.

Seen just now on Slack:

WW3: I can’t fire my weapon unless I first watch a 15-second unskippable ad for Raid Shadow Legends.

Just landed via WeChat:

Explain it to me like I’m five then do it for me like I’m one hundred.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I ordered mushrooms on my pizza. When do they kick in?

Just shared via Threads:

Nothing worse than when I turn up to Park Run to find it is indeed going ahead.

I always bring a glass of water to bed with me so I have something to knock over in the middle of the night.

Jan 21, 2025

I always bring a glass of water to bed with me so I have something to knock over in the middle of the night.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic bedtime party trick: knocking over a glass of water in the dark! 🌙💦 Who needs an alarm clock when you have the sound of spillage to wake you up?! 🚨😅 One way to stay hydrated and entertained all night long! 🌌🛏️ #BedsideClumsiness"

always, bed, bring, glass, humor, i, knock, knock over, me, middle, night, over, routine, sleep, something, water

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

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Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2267 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,429

Funny Quotes Topics

15,132

Funny Quotes Images

12,429

2 hours ago

3,432

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

When you’re a child, you want to be a teenager. When you’re a teenager, you want to be an adult. When you’re an adult, you want to be a cat.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

The concept of warding off vampires with crosses is so interesting to me. I wonder if it applies to any other religion or if they’re allergic to just Catholicism.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

Be the reason why a count unleashes ancient horrors onto the world when he thinks of you.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

Diet tip: Your pants can’t get too tight if you never wear any.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

When your name is Jenn, people think it’s short for Jennifer, but it’s really short for Jennatalia.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

My so-called “friends” have asked that I stop referring to them that way.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

Any room can be an escape room when you have diarrhea.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

Note to self: Very important! First hang up, then insult.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

The first person to throw out bath water: Uh oh.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

Shazam, but for whatever the hell goes on in the apartment upstairs.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via TikTok:

If we keep saving daylight, daylight will never learn to save itself.

Spotted on Slack:

Whenever I’m with real yappers, I realize I might actually be a listener.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Sorry, I can’t today, I have to rot in bed and squander my potential.

Going viral on Instagram:

I’m not starting a presentation with “ladies and gentlemen”, I’m using the gender neutral “to those who heed my warnings”.

Spotted on Twitch:

Hobbies include being misunderstood.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Everyone’s gangster until they use a pen that is satisfyingly smooth and fun to write with.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Before we all die from nuclear war or a global climate crisis, can we get a little alien invasion as a treat.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

My card declined at Subway and they started eating the sandwich in front of me.

Shared recently on Twitch:

About to form my very first opinion.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I have everything you could possibly ever need in my purse, except for money.

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