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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

If onion powder is dehydrated onions blitzed into powder, how much onion powder would I need to consume to have eaten a whole onion?

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

One day you’re young and carefree and the next you sneeze too hard and hurt your neck.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

The laundromat should give you XP and ranks like “Slimelord” and “Glunkfather,” based on how dirty your clothes are.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

The pointless tidy-up before a play date.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

Single, not sure how to mingle.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

When the devil couldn’t reach me, he made my brain my biggest enemy.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

I don’t even believe myself when I say I’ll be ready in 5 minutes.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

I’ve got the longest to-do list for today, just need to figure out who is going to do it.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

If you think voting is pointless wait until you hear about writing posts here.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

Play the Grindr notification noise at Christmas dinner to see which conservative relatives panickedly check their phone ringer.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Jan 31, 2026

3,533

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Discord:

I’m not sure my body can handle much more of this “getting out of bed” nonsense.

Just shared via YouTube:

Finally, we’re living through precedented times.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Love when job applications ask for my desired salary so I can choose between not being hired and being exploited for my work.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I’m trying to shower you with affection. It doesn’t matter how I got into your bathroom.

Just landed via Telegram:

Being gracefully insane is the secret to a happy life.

Just shared via WeChat:

In university, you are either struggling academically, financially, emotionally, or all three.

Just landed via TikTok:

Maybe I prefer my ducks scattered about.

Live now on Discord:

I have a condition where if I don’t walk as fast as humanly possible wherever I go, I will die. I’m like the bus in Speed.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

They say the human body is 60% water, but after extensive observation of my husband and son, I’d like to submit a revision to the data. Those two are at least 50% wind.

I am an influencer. If you aren’t influenced in any way, that is on you. Do better.

2 days ago

Witty quote about influence and self-responsibility, playful and humorous in tone.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Apparently, the influencer's powers only work on the weak-willed 😉. If you're not feeling influenced, perhaps it's time for a self-improvement seminar with the mirror 🪞! Remember, a little self-reflection never hurt anybody… well, except for vampire influencers 🧛‍♂️! #InfluencerWoes"

accountability, am, better, do better, humor, i, influence, influencer, media, responsibility, self-improvement, social, social media

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

75 shares on Messenger this month:

It’s funny how sometimes you buy a book, then read it in two days, and sometimes you buy a book, and it lives on your bookshelf for 12 years.

31 shares on Telegram this month:

They should invent a person for me and me only.

67 shares on Threads this month:

Throwing “whereupon” into a few work emails today to keep it fun.

40 shares on Instagram this month:

“So if I had kids, my kids would never…” Spoiler: Yes, they would.

74 shares on Snapchat this month:

Yes, hello, I’d like to exchange my generational trauma for generational wealth, please.

71 shares on Facebook this month:

The best part about Smarties is pouring them into an empty prescription bottle and shaking them all into my mouth while waiting in line.

77 shares on Snapchat this month:

That stupid look on my face is my face.

24 shares on TikTok this month:

I would definitely deny being from here if the aliens pulled up and asked. Not claiming this embarrassing planet in front of intergalactic travelers, are you dumb?

61 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m not a fan of camping, if I wanted to sleep outside I wouldn’t pay my mortgage.

15 shares on Threads this month:

In every imagination I have pictured myself in, I’m never poor.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Some people are like sunglasses: your day just becomes so much brighter when you accidentally drop them off the side of the boat.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Be the reason someone burns sage.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Getting ghosted by someone who bothered you in the first place is crazy.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I be having full arguments in my head, then walk around mad like someone actually said something to me.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Cancelling a date so I can order pizza and go to bed at 8:30 p.m.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Men will ask you zero questions about yourself, and then say they never met anybody like you.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Wife asked if I could stop singing Wonderwall. I said maybe…

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Pleasantly surprised to discover the treadmill I bought came with a remote control, so I can run it from my recliner.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve added lunges to my workout routine. It’s a big step forward.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Nobody knows my next move. Not even me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,617

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell. Well, he actually said “less McDonald’s”, but I’m pretty sure I know what he meant.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

Happy new fear!

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

My kids practically have medical degrees they’re at the nurse so much.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

Crazy to think that even after all of these years the Titanic’s pool still has water in it.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

Today I went for a walk with a girl, she noticed me, so we went for a run.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

Me: trying to rest. Earthquake: Let’s make that a no.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

This year I’d like an advent calendar with 24 different tranquilizers.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

I feel like this holiday season, it’s important to remind people of the true meaning of Christmas: ghosts terrorizing rich people in the middle of the night until they agree to pay their employees more.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

Sorry for the things I said when I thought you weren’t listening.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

Long sandwiches should have suitcase handles.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Facebook:

Have kids so you can say things you never thought you would like “please don’t vacuum your sister”

Spotted on X:

Sometimes you just gotta say LOL and move on.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Carefully choosing which wine to pair with a McRib.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Happy Earth Day. You don’t look a day over 4 billion years and get hotter every year.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Whoever coined, “No good deed goes unpunished”, must have fed some seagulls.

Broadcasted on Discord:

There’s nothing more satisfying than the little nap you have after hitting snooze on your alarm.

Spotted on Snapchat:

A delivery driver just asked for my date of birth. I said, “94.” He replied, “Is that 1994?” Oh, sorry mate, no. My bad, that was 1794. Right around the French Revolution.

Going viral on WeChat:

Going to the bathroom at night with my flashlight on and a dog next to me feels like I’m gonna solve a mystery.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Irregardless, for all intensive purposes, I could care less.

Just shared via Twitch:

Sorry for the things I said when I thought you weren’t listening.

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