Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Trying to do the splits is a surefire way to split your pants! 🩰😂 Who needs flexibility when you've got wit and charm to get you out of any splits-worthy situation? 💁‍♂️ #Unsplitsable"

flexibility, humor, i, never, self-awareness, should, situation, splits, thought, where

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Treat me like a joke and I’ll leave you like it’s funny.

0

2 months ago

humor, joke, leave, me, relationship, sarcasm, treat
A murder on the dance floor would explain the panic! at the disco.

0

2 months ago

dance, disco, explain, floor, humor, murder, music, panic, party
I’m a bit of a traditionalist, so on my birthday, I smear my body with embryonic fluid.

0

2 months ago

birthday, bit, body, embryonic, embryonic fluid, fluid, humor, humorous, i, joke, quirky, satire, traditionalist, unconventional
You should be able to mute someone in real life. Annoying coworker? Silence them for 24 hours by booping them on the nose!

0

2 months ago

able, annoying, annoying coworker, booping, coworker, hours, humor, life, mute, nose, real, real life, should, silence, someone, workplace
Just found out it don’t matter how early I go to bed, I just don’t wanna go to work.

0

2 months ago

bed, bedtime, early, found, i, just, matter, morning, motivation, procrastination, sleep, work
Being awake is the worst.

0

2 months ago

awake, being, humor, sarcasm, sleep, tiredness, worst

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

56 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My hobby is misidentifying dinosaurs so my daughter can correct me.

54 shares on Slack this month:

They call it a coffin because they’re finally coughing up that inheritance.

83 shares on WeChat this month:

Like many men my age, my biggest regret is hiring the inexpensive hitman.

36 shares on Snapchat this month:

It’s wild that “Jason” is a name from ancient Greece, because it sounds like it was invented in Florida in 1983.

95 shares on Messenger this month:

Can we get some A.I. to pick plastic out of the ocean, or do all the robots need to be poets?

61 shares on YouTube this month:

A bird just flew into our glass door. Іt’s not dead. Just really embarrassed.

18 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Three out of five times, my intuition is right. Not in casinos, though.

37 shares on Twitch this month:

One time, I was so high my bra unclasped, and I thought I got shot.

77 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m so tired of not being a multimillionaire.

41 shares on Reddit this month:

The main difference between my dog and my kid is my dog responds to her name being called.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

After cooking show a dishwashing show with same host but kind of drunk.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

Flossed the day before a dentist appointment like I was cramming for a history test.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

I call my period Shark week. I want to eat everything, I’m snapping at people, I feel huge, people are scared of me, and there is blood everywhere.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

It must be hard having an erectile dysfunction.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

The dumbest thing about YouTube ads is how they seem to think that I’m a moron.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

I want a girlfriend so she can make me do shit like pottery, and I act like I don’t want to go.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

Today feels like a good day for a cheeseburger.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

I feel like Mario has more raw prowess, but Luigi is probably the more sensual lover.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

I find it sad that my universal remote does not control the universe. Not even remotely.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

I know life can be tough, but you still gotta wear deodorant.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Instagram:

Thought I was a minimalist, turns out I’m just broke.

Shared recently on Messenger:

As an exorcist, whenever I hear of some new poor soul possessed by a demon, all I can think is Ka-Ching!

Broadcasted on Telegram:

No one ever talks about the 6th love language (being annoying).

Live now on TikTok:

If you can stand me, you deserve me!

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I already want to take a nap tomorrow.

Live now on Discord:

You can fake a smile, but you can’t fake jazz hands.

Trending via Messenger:

Can’t, trying to piece together today’s news from social media posts.

Breaking via Pinterest:

In an effort to keep the employees motivated and increase morale, my boss has asked me to stop talking to everyone.

Going viral on Reddit:

The human body is amazing. One half-open eye and the brain under emergency power are enough to make coffee.

Trending via Facebook:

Imagine you blocked me, and I crawled out from under your couch to ask why.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I can’t do the splits. But so far there has never been a situation where I’ve thought, “I should do the splits now.”

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Treat me like a joke and I’ll leave you like it’s funny.

A murder on the dance floor would explain the panic! at the disco.

I’m a bit of a traditionalist, so on my birthday, I smear my body with embryonic fluid.

You should be able to mute someone in real life. Annoying coworker? Silence them for 24 hours by booping them on the nose!

Just found out it don’t matter how early I go to bed, I just don’t wanna go to work.

Being awake is the worst.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨