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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

If you ever see me running, it’s either away from my problems or towards an ice cream van.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

Sorry I’m late. The door said PULL, but I don’t believe everything I read.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

Can’t believe we stayed up and screamed “Happy New Year” for this shit.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

Life is weird and then you die.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

I wonder if BBQ thinks about me too.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

I love when the plot thickens.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

No revenge, but I hope you stutter every time you try to dirty talk with someone.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

Asking a film guy, “Who is that?” when Tom Cruise comes on screen just to feel something.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

Nothing ruins a Friday like realizing it’s only Wednesday.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

They should make a Wikipedia for normal people. I should be able to google my barista.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,713

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Adulting means growing hair in places you’re not supposed to and losing hair in places you don’t want to.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Cinderella was a mess. I mean, I have bad taste in men, but at least I never settled for a guy who couldn’t remember what my face looked like.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Normalize responding to work emails with: “What the hell are you talking about?”

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

The worst thing you can do when cleaning your house is “sit down for a minute.”

Just landed via Discord:

Once this pandemic ends, I’m legit quitting video games and getting a girlfriend for real.

Just landed via Threads:

Trust my gut? The thing that can’t even handle milk.

Just shared via Twitch:

Welcome to middle age. “I carried a watermelon” has gone from a movie quote to something you tell your orthopedist.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I’ve got a neighbor who’s really into morons. I should introduce her to you guys.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

My Mom asks why everything is on the floor, like she never heard of gravity.

Seen just now on Threads:

All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.

I don’t have a new year resolution, you don’t need that when you’re perfect.

Funny quote emphasizing confidence and humor about perfection and New Year's resolutions.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Why bother with new year resolutions when perfection is already your middle name? 💁‍♂️ Keep shining, you flawless creature! ✨ #LifeGoals"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

56 shares on Slack this month:

Nephew showed me his toys on FaceTime, and I had no toys to show him back. Humiliating.

54 shares on TikTok this month:

I suck at flirting, I end up arguing with them instead.

80 shares on Discord this month:

I downloaded a meditation app. Now I’m stressed about missing sessions.

19 shares on Slack this month:

I’m convinced that if Earth explodes, all the cats will land safely on the moon, on their feet.

32 shares on Discord this month:

Putting my Christmas tree up today. Big day for my cats.

91 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m done wasting money this summer, unless you guys want to do something this weekend.

80 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Hosting Thanksgiving? Bring up politics so everyone will leave early.

80 shares on Discord this month:

I would like you to meet my significant other. Her name is Cheese.

47 shares on Facebook this month:

I’d enjoy summer a lot more if someone came by hourly and misted me like produce.

72 shares on Instagram this month:

As an academic, I sometimes dream about writing fiction instead, and then I remember grant proposals.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m a good listener. If you’re interesting.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

You ever spend the day with a skinny person and are like “ohhhh, that’s why you’re skinny”.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

The next man who speaks to me will be sacrificed to the gods for a bountiful harvest.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

She’s got style. She’s got grace. She dropped her cellphone on her face. She’s a lady.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Men only have money the first month of dating, that’s recruitment budget, never confuse it with operational budget.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

If you knock down a policeman, they’ll get backup.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

It probably feels so good to ram your head into something as a cat.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

God sends you an only child as a friend to test you.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I always like to remember the time before the internet. It was so good not to know how cruel and stupid humanity really is.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Babe, wanna come over and watch me apply for jobs on Indeed until I start to cry.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,561

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

Euthanizing my Tamagotchi.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

Please twerk; I have just days left.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

After 25, you’re pretty much 30.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

Apparently, “spite” is not an appropriate answer to “What motivates you?”

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

Quitting my job to focus on staying inside.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

Britney Spears working at an ice-cream shop called ‘Scoops, I did it again.’

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

I believe libraries are our proof that we once valued curiosity.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

If I ever have a daughter, I’m going to call her Erica, but spell it Airwrecka.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

Retiring my wallet condom after two years of active duty. 87 tours with 0 combat deployments.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

Arguing through text will have you standing in one spot for 40 mins.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Snapchat:

Giving all the dogs in my neighborhood matching sweaters for Christmas so they can be in a gang.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Hardest part of beekeeping is thinking of all the names.

Making waves on Slack:

No more bare minimum, I want the moon and the stars. Maybe even a planet at this point.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Looking forward to eight hours of trying to get four hours of sleep tonight.

Breaking via Facebook:

Do I need to have seen the Tokyo Olympics in order to understand the Paris ones?

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Watching 2+ movies a day to prevent a thought from happening.

Making waves on X:

Only here for the honeymoon phase, don’t show me your true colors.

Spotted on Slack:

When I say “the other day”, it can be anytime between yesterday and my birth.

Seen just now on WeChat:

People who can’t tell the difference between whole numbers and decimals are missing the point.

Just shared via Facebook:

Processed food was literally designed for you to eat. Organic is just some crap they found on the ground somewhere.

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