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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

Remember, when asking for a raise, it is considered customary to be sober.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

Give it to me straight, doc, what can I do to be healthier besides changing my entire lifestyle?

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

Someday I will make a sandwich that will change my life forever.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

I’m not shy. I just don’t like you.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

I’ve been commissioned to kiss you on the lips. I need to get this done by tonight.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

I finally became a butterfly, and everyone’s already asking what’s next.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

I don’t need the audio tour at the museum, I have my teen to provide critical commentary the entire time.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

Sparkling water tastes like that feeling when your foot falls asleep.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

I kind of enjoy living in a world where I can end a conversation by simply not texting back.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

My save-for-later cart on Amazon is up to about $1.5 million dollars.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,310

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Telegram:

Rent really don’t make no sense. Like, why is my apartment getting a raise every year? Who is doing the performance review?

Freshly posted on Discord:

Just checked my bank account. Looks like everyone’s getting well wishes for Christmas.

Seen just now on Threads:

Wouldn’t it be nice if you could donate your own body fat to those who need it more urgently?

Seen just now on WeChat:

That little pocket on jeans is the perfect size for the money I have left over after I pay all my bills.

Spotted on Messenger:

This entire “presidency” is like being tied to a chair and watching a toddler play with a loaded pistol.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Interviewer: Give an example of a difficult scenario and how you handled it. Me: I poured a bowl of cereal but had no milk, so I used ice cream.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Thinking about stepping down from being an adult, I’m just not in the right headspace for this position right now. I really appreciate the opportunity though.

Just landed via Instagram:

I’m at the age where I won’t make eye contact with someone because they look like a “talker.”

Just landed via Messenger:

You told your cat how much you love him, but now it’s morning, the sun is out, you’re sober, and it’s just weird for both of you.

Breaking via X:

Sometimes I delete a post because I remember I’m too old for it.

I don’t know how to explain it, but sometimes cheese just falls into my cart at the grocery store.

Playful quote about cheese mysteriously appearing in grocery cart. Humorous and lighthearted.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Cheese: the master of stealth in the grocery store aisles, always finding a whey into your cart 🧀🛒 Just blame it on the dairy fairy, right? 😉"

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Social Media Stars ⭐

41 shares on X this month:

Don’t date coworkers. Being the hot coworker nobody at work has a chance with is always the best role to play.

66 shares on TikTok this month:

The evening news: Where they begin with “Good evening” and then proceed to tell you why it’s not.

80 shares on YouTube this month:

Ugh, those red and blue flashing lights are interfering with my driving and scrolling.

22 shares on Slack this month:

Life is a highway and I’m afraid to merge.

69 shares on Discord this month:

If onion powder is dehydrated onions blitzed into powder, how much onion powder would I need to consume to have eaten a whole onion?

83 shares on Threads this month:

Once you’ve read the dictionary, every other book you read is just a remix.

85 shares on Slack this month:

No matter how busy I am, I still find time to waste on Twitter.

14 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Being single only sucks when you’re a little drunk and really want to flirt.

41 shares on WeChat this month:

Movies in the 80s had me convinced that a main part of being a grown-up was staying late at the office and eating Chinese takeout.

14 shares on Discord this month:

My dentist plays country music, so it’s like a double torture.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

One day you’ll find someone obsessed with you. It’s probably going to be a squirrel.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I would rather walk directly into the ocean than tell people a fun fact about myself.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

As a parent of a teenage daughter, I would like to formally apologize to my parents for my tube-top and low-rise jeans era.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

“Mom, how did we get so rich?” your father said, “Thanks, nothing from my end,” on thousands of important Zoom meetings.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Yes, I upload photos with filters because I want to look good. If you want to see the ugly side of me, come to my house.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

You don’t need fun to have alcohol.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Boyfriends sound cool and all, but unfortunately, I enjoy not talking for days at a time.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I feel like you’re allowed to start your day at 4 p.m. if you are pure of heart.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Sleeping in is the most efficient way to find out which morning rituals you can actually do without.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Lawyers should get walk-up songs in court like how wrestlers do.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,282

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

Wake up, there’s overthinking to be done.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

Asking my dentist a question, but sticking my fingers in his mouth before he replies.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

I got called “pretty” today! Well, the full sentence was “You’re pretty annoying,” but I only focus on the positive things.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

I wear black because it’s slimming. Exercise is also slimming, but like I said, I wear black.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

Not my circus, but I’ve grown quite fond of its monkeys.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

Perfume is key, but deodorant is keyer and showering is keyest.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

Might start signing off emails with, “But what do I know.”

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

You misunderstood me. I said I was a “bawler,” not a “baller.” You know, someone who cries a lot.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

Who else writes “etc.” knowing damn well you don’t have more examples?

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

If I could go back in time, I’d probably stop Bruce Willis from saving us from that asteroid.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Weirdos gonna weird.

Making waves on WeChat:

I wish people had mute buttons in real life.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Today I choose kindness, but we’ll see, it’s still early.

Making waves on X:

Job market so bad, I started following my dreams.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

I regret to inform you that we must all once again figure out what to make for dinner tonight.

Seen just now on X:

What electric cars and diarrhea have in common is the fear of not making it home.

Just shared via Twitch:

Just a little reminder to laugh as much as you can, stay hydrated, and don’t let shitty people kill your vibe.

Live now on WeChat:

I hate when I gain 10 pounds for a role and then realize I’m not an actor.

Breaking via X:

Dude, we’re biting off more than we can chew tonight if you want to pull up.

Shared recently on Discord:

Everybody thinks “Free Hugs” signs are cute, unless you’re a boa constrictor.

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