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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

I’ve been closer to death than a stable relationship.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

Someone asked, “Can I bum a scroll?” because they deleted Instagram off their phone.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

Shoutout to Netflix for being the only one that checks in on me every few hours. “Are you still watching?” Yeah, babe, thank you for asking.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

My head is starting to get dented from hitting rock bottom so often.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

(lost in the labyrinth and I’m wearing a Fitbit) Nice, got my 10,000 steps.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

4 out 3 people struggle with math.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

I hate managing money, I was born to splurge.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

Twitter is for people who tried suffering in silence and realized it wasn’t for them.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

If I’m ever mad at you, just talk to me in a sweeter and softer tone, and watch how quickly that anger disappears.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

Is losing your mind a hobby?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 20, 2026

3,334

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via YouTube:

Nobody is more cold-blooded than a toddler, just saying what they see and feel.

Just landed via YouTube:

My mirror needs a screenshot button.

Going viral on TikTok:

Oh, you’re in a situationship? Which one are you, the liar or the loser?

Seen just now on Slack:

Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.

Breaking via X:

Hot singles over 40 in your area are curious what you use for joint pain and inflammation.

Making waves on Threads:

My New Year’s resolution is to procrastinate. I’Il start tomorrow.

Just landed via Snapchat:

If hot showers aren’t good for you then why do I emerge from them bright red like a beautiful ruby?

Just shared via Twitch:

Me, after skipping the tutorial: how the hell do you play this game?

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

I always make sure the garage door is shut. Wouldn’t want hoodlums stealing the stuff I’ve been meaning to get rid of for years.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I don’t care if my parents are disappointed in me, I’m not impressed by them either.

I forgot to take my meds so I’m looking forward to joining the squirrels in the tree to talk politics.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Looks like someone's ready for a squirrelly debate up in the treetops! 🐿️🌳 Who needs meds when you've got political discourse with the furry critters? Maybe they can help come up with some nutty solutions! 😂 #SquirrelPoliticians"

conversation, forgetfulness, forgot, humor, i, looking, meds, nature, politics, squirrels, take, talk, tree, whimsy

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

93 shares on Snapchat this month:

Chip bags should be clear, show me what you want me to pay $6 for, cowards.

19 shares on Pinterest this month:

I took the first step towards cleaning out my closet today. I went in there and looked it over good.

82 shares on Pinterest this month:

Guy who thinks “generational trauma” means it’s like the goat of trauma.

58 shares on X this month:

If we’ve got the technology to make heated car seats, then where the hell are the seats that automatically cool down in the summer? Make it happen, nerds.

65 shares on Reddit this month:

Coffee is just goth water.

99 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Bedtime procrastination isn’t a sleep issue. It’s a control issue. It’s about refusing to give up the last part of the day that feels like yours.

16 shares on Snapchat this month:

Every time I do something stupid, my dad stares at my mom like he wants a refund.

98 shares on Discord this month:

I need a chiropractor for my brain.

34 shares on LinkedIn this month:

After being raised on Disney movies, I’m very disappointed how few adult problems can be solved by a good song and dance.

64 shares on Instagram this month:

My superpower is holding onto stuff for years and throwing it away exactly one week before I need it.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I love ordering things online because when they arrive it’s like a present from me to me.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I cannot hear a word you are saying if your hoodie strings are uneven.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Can’t. Inventing new things to worry about.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

To the person who stole my place in the queue. I’m after you now.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

If you have to remind them to give a shit, remind yourself not to.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Ok, hear me out: a reality show where billionaire CEOs have to live off of their lowest-paid employees’ salaries for a month.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s so cold, I’m using Chrome instead of Firefox to read the news on my phone, because I need the ads to warm up my phone and hands.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Getting accused of using AI when you didn’t is like this century’s version of a witch allegation.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Why is everyone’s main goal to get married and have kids? Like, don’t you guys want to do drugs in foreign countries?

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve reached a point in my life where if I can’t find parking, I’m just going to go home.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,288

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

I love the idea of a fruitarian, just morally affronted that anyone could eat a baby spinach.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

“I’d love to go to the moon” I said “but on a full moon day of course, no point going all that way when only half of it’s there”

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

Oh, I have Christmas spirit. The question is: Do I mix it with coke or do I drink it neat?

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

Why do plane tickets have to be so expensive? You’re literally going that way anyway. Just give me a ride.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

Experts say that human interaction is important for brain health but I’m willing to risk it.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

I only obey the traffic rules to get on other peoples’ nerves.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

I was a nothingburger to him, but he was an everything bagel to me…

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

Ask your doctor if it’s right for you to eat oranges and pretend they’re planets and you’re a Greek god.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

No one is more surprised than my kids every night when I say it’s bed time.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

How did they get kids to pose for oil paintings? Mine won’t sit still for 4 seconds for a family photo.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Facebook:

My Saturday was going really well, until I realized it’s Sunday!

Spotted on TikTok:

I am a man, a man with a cold, so I guess this is goodbye.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Coffee, because I don’t have time for a manslaughter charge.

Live now on WhatsApp:

I’m sorry I lied to you. I only did it for material gain. And to cause you psychological harm. And to prove I’m smarter than you.

Just shared via TikTok:

If we’ve got the technology to make heated car seats, then where the hell are the seats that automatically cool down in the summer? Make it happen, nerds.

Making waves on TikTok:

Gravity, at all times, is trying to pull your pants down.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Photos are cool because they are like now but for later.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

This email could’ve been sex.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I wait all week for the weekend just to aggressively do nothing in five different outfits.

Shared recently on Reddit:

If parallel universe exist, I hope the other me is doing well.

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