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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

Sitting on the middle seat of this flight and both my seatmates are reading my book over my shoulder. Should I just start reading it aloud?

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

Isn’t it weird we have a little voice in our head, like the one you’re using to read this?

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

No more looking back in anger. It’s time to look forward in anger.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

I think God was high when he made me.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

Driving to work, and I just reached down to touch my leg to make sure I have pants on.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

When I take a walk, I bring dog treats and people treats. I almost never mix them up.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

Today’s toddlers can switch on laptops and use apps. When I was little, I ate sand.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

Did you get that psychic damage I sent you?

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

Yes, I do talk to myself, everyone else just wants to argue with me.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,667

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Slack:

I need a massage for my brain.

Just shared via Threads:

I get most of my exercise these days from shaking my head in disbelief.

Breaking via TikTok:

When I say I’m saving myself for marriage, what I mean is you won’t know how annoying I am until it’s too late.

Making waves on YouTube:

I’m sorry I roasted you, I was trying to flirt.

Breaking via Discord:

I figured out how they built the pyramids. No internet.

Live now on Instagram:

Any jar is a swear jar when the lid won’t open.

Spotted on Pinterest:

In a job interview, you can always respond to an awkward question with a deep gaze and parted lips, followed by “You complete me.”

Broadcasted on Facebook:

So many people to disappoint, so little time.

Trending via Snapchat:

Making art is making love to the world.

Making waves on Instagram:

“In a galaxy far, far away” is starting to sound quite enticing.

I had a hard time coping with the divorce. I’m fine now, but at first I was almost crazy with joy.

2 weeks ago

Witty text about overcoming divorce with humor and a touch of crazy joy.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the rollercoaster of emotions during a divorce – from the depths of despair to the heights of ecstasy! 😅🎢 It's like we're skipping through the stages of grief on fast forward! Remember, it's all about balance…and maybe a sprinkle of therapy. 😉 #DivorceDrama"

coping, crazy, divorce, emotions, fine, hard, humor, i, joy, recovery, time

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

61 shares on Messenger this month:

Intelligence is now free, and the golden age of the nerd is over.

90 shares on YouTube this month:

I don’t know which is worse, people stealing your jokes or people not stealing your jokes.

23 shares on YouTube this month:

If you don’t have anything nice to say, sign up for Twitter.

61 shares on Threads this month:

Trying to work outside on a laptop is like sunbathing on a melting ice cube.

45 shares on Snapchat this month:

Romance level: At some point, someone comes by, sees me and thinks: “Oh well, my God, why not?”

76 shares on Pinterest this month:

“You’re so funny!” Thanks, I didn’t get laid in high school.

90 shares on YouTube this month:

The lion does not concern himself with the check engine light.

24 shares on Threads this month:

My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell. Well, he actually said “less McDonald’s”, but I’m pretty sure I know what he meant.

56 shares on X this month:

Taking the day off to brush up on conspiracy theories and really get this Thanksgiving party started.

97 shares on Twitch this month:

God created childbirth so women could know how men feel when we have a cold.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Why make new mistakes when you can keep repeating the same old familiar ones.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t break someone’s heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206 of them.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Never trust a man that’s good at flirting. He’s had too much practice.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve finally found out what chronology is. And it’s about time.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing makes me feel more powerful than when I write ‘furthermore’ in an email.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve deleted enough tweets to know that I should never get a tattoo.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Oh, so ChatGPT is gonna tell me about me? Seems gossipy.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

The older I get, the more I hate making extra stops after work. I drive home like I’m late for the house.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Outfit repeater. Meal repeater. Movie rewatcher. I know what I like.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

If you saw me licking the plate after the charcuterie was finished, no you didn’t.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,363

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

I hope this email blows your head smoove off.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

Writing ‘thanks.’ instead of ‘thanks!’ so you know I’m mad.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

Hate when people ask “why is it called Silence of the Lambs?” Like, did you hear any lambs during the movie? Use your head!

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

No parenting book prepares you for the stank of your kid’s soccer bag.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

Y’all screenshot payment confirmations to make sure they don’t play with y’all too?

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

I hate math, but I love counting money.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

Showers are the best places to lose arguments with yourself.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

Had some plain yogurt with protein powder in it for breakfast, and not only is it high in protein and very filling, it’s also disgusting.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

When I was a young boy, the doctor told me I had a lazy eye. By the time I was 50, it had spread to the rest of my body.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

God, please, for once in my life, let me get what I want.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on TikTok:

Britney Spears working at an ice-cream shop called ‘Scoops, I did it again.’

Going bananas on Messenger:

My cat just sneezed a bunch of times in a row and then hissed at himself. What an icon!

Trending via YouTube:

Fitness influencer: It’s important to listen to your body. Body: You’re old. And you want lasagna.

Spotted on Reddit:

If liars’ pants really did catch on fire, watching the news would be a lot more fun.

Just shared via Facebook:

Start each day with a positive thought, like: “I can go back to bed in just 17 short hours.”

Just shared via X:

I’m eating for two; me and the person I strive to be.

Trending via Snapchat:

An air mattress is the best way to tell your houseguests not to stay too long.

Seen just now on Instagram:

My wife rearranged the kitchen cabinets, and now I’ll never eat again.

Spotted on Telegram:

When God closes a door, he opens a window. Unfortunately, we are in a submarine.

Making waves on Threads:

Almost all of my bad decisions are food-related.

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