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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

I’ve never been kissed under the cameltoe or whatever it’s called.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

I think one of my biggest hangups in getting better at Spanish is that speaking with the correct accent makes me feel racist.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

Wild that we could have been foraging for berries and dying off at 33, but we chose this nonsense instead.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

Wanna go back to my place and meow at each other?

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

Prepare your kids for social media by putting their artwork on the fridge and writing a bunch of mean comments under it.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

Making friends as an adult is wild because there’s so much lore to catch up on. You’ll be 3 years in and still get random drops like, ‘Oh, by the way, I used to be married.’

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

Shaved my entire body for this post, just in case.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

Some people identify as funnier than they actually are.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

In my 20’s: might hit the club tonight. In my 40’s: might go to the grocery store to listen to some bangers.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

Sorry I missed your call, I was staring in horror at the screen, wondering why on earth you couldn’t just text me.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,409

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WeChat:

I ordered a new umbrella on Amazon and had it delivered straight to the lost and found office to maximize efficiency.

Seen just now on Slack:

Where do we acquire the ducks that we’re supposed to be putting in a row?

Freshly posted on Discord:

As you get older, it’s amazing how fast bird-watching creeps up on you…

Going viral on Telegram:

If she forgives you, then 30 minutes later comes back mad again: that means she told her friends in her group chat, and the board of directors did not agree.

Going bananas on Messenger:

My worst fear is dating someone who loves their ex like my exes love me.

Just shared via X:

Flirting is easy until it’s someone you actually like.

Making waves on Threads:

If craziness could fly, some people would have their own airport.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

I’m just going to be hotter. It’s easier than being nicer.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Vote for me, I’ll cut the alphabet in half.

Shared recently on X:

I’m intermittent fasting, so I have to finish this cake really quick before 6 pm.

I have a great poker face because I have no idea what’s going on.

3 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about having a clueless poker face, humorously highlighting confusion.

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Commentary:
"Mastering the art of the poker face: when you bluff your way through confusion like a pro 🃏😳 #FakeItTillYouMakeIt"

confusion, expression, face, game, going, great, humor, i, idea, poker

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Social Media Stars ⭐

33 shares on YouTube this month:

Without freedom of speech we wouldn’t know who the idiots are.

27 shares on X this month:

I was at a funeral yesterday and spiced things up by walking over to complete strangers and saying “Ignore what everyone else thinks. I, personally, have no issue with you being here”.

78 shares on WeChat this month:

The kids in Mrs. Doubtfire were pretty dumb if they couldn’t figure out that their nanny was famous actor Robin Williams the whole time.

51 shares on TikTok this month:

Offering someone food, and secretly hoping, they don’t want it.

99 shares on Reddit this month:

Honey, get in the car. We have to go to the store because we’re retarded, and it’s Christmas Eve.

56 shares on WeChat this month:

It’s hard to sleep knowing that cake is in the fridge.

41 shares on Facebook this month:

If you ever get a chance to date a cute person for one day, where will you take me?

14 shares on Messenger this month:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t need anything from Amazon today.

49 shares on Snapchat this month:

Ghosting is disrespectful unless it’s me doing it.

44 shares on TikTok this month:

House sitting for friends while they’re out of town. Never knew my buddy kept a diary.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

Ever since I was little, I knew I wanted people to watch how they speak to me.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

They should list at least one alien “as himself” in the Star Wars credits.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

I hope some dyslexic people don’t mail Satan instead of Santa.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning “ability to,” and bics, meaning “withstand tremedous boredom.”

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

My mind is like someone dumped the entire junk drawer on a trampoline.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

The sweet spot is just enough pain to know you’re alive, but not quite enough to wish you were dead.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

If you need ChatGPT to write an email, maybe you shouldn’t have job.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

Water is a drink whose flavor is its temperature.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

“What do your tattoos mean?” They mean I can sit still for a long time.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

Having a crush should be considered a form of self-harm.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on WeChat:

Taking a dog named shark to the beach is a bad idea.

Trending via YouTube:

I need to be more disciplined and stop procrastinating, starting tomorrow.

Making waves on Snapchat:

If you inject Botox into a raisin, does it turn back into a grape?

Shared recently on Telegram:

My favorite part of leaving the house is looking forward to going home.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I wonder how many new moms try to pick out a unique name for their baby only to later learn it’s the name of an antidepressant.

Shared recently on Threads:

You sound smart. You some kinda ‘ologist?

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Drive as I say, not as I drive.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

For your own sanity, always take mixed signals as a no.

Going viral on Threads:

Why can’t I cry money instead of tears?

Spreading quickly via X:

Airlines when they need to change your flight: here’s a complimentary napkin. Airlines when you need to change your flight: that’ll be $8700.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I have a great poker face because I have no idea what’s going on.

Peter Parker having to juggle a day job with being a superhero feels kinda stupid nowadays. Just launch a Patreon, my man. Throw a PayPal link in that Spider-bio.

Bro, did you really just mix up e.g. and i.e. in front of the hoes?

I can’t do the splits. But so far there has never been a situation where I’ve thought, “I should do the splits now.”

In an alternate universe, sex dreams of me.

Home: Where I can look ugly and not care.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I have a great poker face because I have no idea what’s going on.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Peter Parker having to juggle a day job with being a superhero feels kinda stupid nowadays. Just launch a Patreon, my man. Throw a PayPal link in that Spider-bio.

Bro, did you really just mix up e.g. and i.e. in front of the hoes?

I can’t do the splits. But so far there has never been a situation where I’ve thought, “I should do the splits now.”

On a first date, saying “agree to disagree” every time they share anything about themselves.

In an alternate universe, sex dreams of me.

Home: Where I can look ugly and not care.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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