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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

89% of the time when my husband tells me I look great, what he really means is, “We needed to leave five minutes ago.”

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

Me: “I should treat myself to something.” My bank account: “Dream on.”

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

My neighbor won’t stop talking about his Rolex and I can’t believe someone stole it tomorrow.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

Anytime someone throws a Great Gatsby themed party, I have to assume they never finished the book.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

I’m at the age where an uncomfortable bed will have me injured for a couple of days.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

My red flag is that I don’t make playlists on Spotify. I just add every song I’ve ever liked to the ‘Liked Songs’ playlist and shuffle that, like an iPod.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

December. The month at work where everything is January’s problem.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

The only exercise I done last month was running out of money.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

When gearing up for a mountain climbing adventure it is important to remember to no.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

234 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,503

Funny Quotes Topics

17,569

Funny Quotes Images

15,503

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,516

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via TikTok:

People should come with warning labels.

Spotted on Instagram:

I have nothing nice to wear for the government shutdown.

Breaking via Twitch:

These days I just accept the website cookies without any protest. Website is like Grandma, I’m not gonna fight with you.

Just shared via X:

Can I come over and circle you like a vulture?

Making waves on YouTube:

Twitter is great because you can get good life advice from other emotionally unstable adults.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

The point of life is going to a good restaurant and getting two cocktails with dinner. That’s it.

Live now on Messenger:

I made up all these romantic scenarios in my brain and you’re not following the script.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Girl math is crying for two hours and then realizing it wasn’t that deep.

Seen just now on Reddit:

If swimming is such good exercise, explain whales.

Just shared via Slack:

Can’t. Just put my hair in a bun and that’s just about enough exercise for today.

I have never “lit up a room” unless you count arson.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Setting your personality on fire 🔥🔥🔥: not recommended for brightening up a room 🚒🤭 #firestarter"

arson, comedy, count, humor, i, joke, light, lit, never, room, self-deprecation, wit

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Technically I’m still young, but according to my back pain I’m actually 69.

0

2 months ago

age, back, back pain, body, humor, jokes, pain, perspective, relatability, still, young, youth
I think being a hopeless romantic is giving me brain damage.

0

2 months ago

being, brain, damage, feelings, giving, hopeless, humor, i, love, me, romantic, think
I wish I was a cat. No bills, no job, just meow, meow.

0

2 months ago

bills, cat, freedom, humor, i, job, just, meow, relaxation, wish
Welcome to parenting! The only hobbies you have left are the ones you can do in the bathroom.

0

2 months ago

bathroom, family, hobby, humor, left, life, management, only, parent, parent life, parenting, responsibility, time, time management, welcome
I used to be sad about the climate apocalypse, but I went on a few dates and, honestly, I’m ready now.

0

2 months ago

apocalypse, climate, date, dating, humor, i, readiness, ready, relationships, sad, sadness, used
Microdosing hell by checking the web every day.

0

2 months ago

addiction, checking, daily, daily routine, day, every, hell, humor, internet, microdosing, routine, sarcasm, web

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

57 shares on TikTok this month:

That was the last cup of coffee in my life. From tomorrow I’ll be drinking straight from the pot.

56 shares on Slack this month:

Best friends should be able to apply to jobs together and get hired as a set.

52 shares on Telegram this month:

We’re living in increasingly unfergalicious times.

89 shares on Slack this month:

Website: We use cookies to improve our performance. Me: Same!

37 shares on Pinterest this month:

If bugs could talk, they would probably say things like, “What the bug?”

79 shares on TikTok this month:

If we all club together we could raise enough money to buy Monday and have it destroyed.

77 shares on Messenger this month:

We’ve all at least once caught our toes when putting on our knickers and jumped around the room like idiots.

51 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I like my bacon like I like my men, slightly burnt and crispy, and probably killing me slowly.

67 shares on WeChat this month:

Hate it when I pull out a winter coat and there’s no money stashed in it.

23 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Let’s see how long my Monday slump lasts this time. Last week it was until Friday.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

Googled my symptoms and it turns out it’s just the politics.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

The best way to describe this year is to say it feels like a year of Mondays.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

Ladies, if a man says he will fix something, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

Cops wake up Christmas morning excited as hell to ignore their family and go sit on the highway with a radar gun for 10 hours.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

Saw a guy reading a book and writing notes in it. Not enough words in there for ya, bud?

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

If you meet me and I’m talking to myself, just keep walking. I’m self-employed and I’m in a meeting with senior management.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

You gotta act cool, calm, and collected around liquid eyeliner because it can sense your fear.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

I’m pretending to be a hot girl on Tinder so I can match with my roommate and tell him I’m coming over, so he’ll clean the apartment.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

Big city friend is complaining about a 10 minute wait for a subway while I sit here waiting for the rail replacement horse.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

I hate to slut-shame, but a lot of you are not slutty enough.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Messenger:

I’ve got to start taking better care of myself. Tomorrow I’ll walk to the liquor store.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Some people peak in high school. I peaked when I realized I never had to see them again.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I made a graph showing my past relationships. It has an ex axis and a why axis.

Just landed via YouTube:

I accidentally used my dog’s shampoo today, and now I’m feeling like such a good girl.

Broadcasted on Discord:

If my dog knew how many photos I have of him sleeping, he’d file a restraining order against me.

Spotted on Discord:

You misunderstood me. I said I was a “bawler,” not a “baller.” You know, someone who cries a lot.

Just landed via Facebook:

The question I ask myself most often is, “What would a jury think about this?”

Just shared via Snapchat:

They said I can never go back to that Vietnamese spot. They banh mi pho life.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

McDonald’s is finally promoting good health by making their food unaffordable.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Schedule your appointment early in the month before your dentist starts fretting about their next boat payment.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I have never “lit up a room” unless you count arson.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Technically I’m still young, but according to my back pain I’m actually 69.

I think being a hopeless romantic is giving me brain damage.

I wish I was a cat. No bills, no job, just meow, meow.

Welcome to parenting! The only hobbies you have left are the ones you can do in the bathroom.

I used to be sad about the climate apocalypse, but I went on a few dates and, honestly, I’m ready now.

Microdosing hell by checking the web every day.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨