I love the idea of a fruitarian, just morally affronted that anyone could eat a baby spinach.

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If I delete a tweet, I should disappear with it.

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Turns out that ending meetings with “have the day you deserve” has made me some enemies at work.

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If you get drunk and message your ex, don’t worry. When you wake up, send bitcoin ads and pretend you were hacked.

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I’ve arrived like the sun: blinding, necessary, and impossible to ignore.

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Looks fade but dark, twisted, inappropriate humor is forever.

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My favorite part of The Godfather is when the guy wakes up and screams because the Mafia has stolen the bottom half of the horse he keeps in his bed.

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The two types of video games are kill everything that moves and Microsoft Excel.