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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

I have been so toxic and horny lately, I should probably start, like, reading a book or something.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

Is the elephant in the room with us right now?

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

Common sense isn’t a gift. It’s a punishment, because you have to deal with everyone who doesn’t have it.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

Reverse cowgirl so I can bend backward and look at him like the Exorcist.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

I did vote once but only because I thought the line was to a buffet.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

I hate when the iPhone corrects ‘Omw’ to ‘On my way!’. Man, I am not that excited.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

4,001

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WeChat:

The ‘b’ in ‘subtle’ totally is.

Trending via Pinterest:

Having a crush should be considered a form of self-harm.

Shared recently on YouTube:

At my age, I’m worried about tripping and falling, so I wear a helmet. I’m also worried about looking ridiculous, so I carry a skateboard.

Just shared via X:

Whoever coined, “No good deed goes unpunished”, must have fed some seagulls.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

They should invent a January that doesn’t drain your will to live.

Going viral on Instagram:

I’m just a girl, standing in front of a Monday, asking it to be a Friday.

Just landed via X:

A frittata is just an omelette for people too lazy to flip things.

I ordered a new umbrella on Amazon and had it delivered straight to the lost and found office to maximize efficiency.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who says you can't buy yourself some clever problem-solving skills? 😂☔️ #EfficiencyGoals"

Amazon, convenience, delivery, efficiency, found, humor, i, lost, lost and found, new, office, straight, umbrella

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

When the Olympics finally introduces the event “Dropping your phone and very nearly catching it but not quite” then you’ll all see me shine.

1 month ago
catching, clumsiness, competition, dropping, event, humor, me, Olympics, phone, shine, sport
Job interview: Where do you see yourself in five years? Me: Hopefully on a sabbatical.

1 month ago
aspirations, career, five, humor, interview, job, job interview, life, me, procrastination, sabbatical, where, work, work life, yourself
I deleted Google when I met you because the search was over.

5 months ago
compliment, dating, deleted, Google, humor, i, love, met, online, online search, over, relationship, search
“Love is in the air.” Wrong. Microplastics.

1 month ago
air, environmental, humor, joke, love, microplastic, microplastics, pollution, sarcasm, wrong
Want to lose weight for the summer? Don’t worry, just check in your luggage at the airport. You’ll never see those pounds again.

1 month ago
again, airport, check, dieting, humor, just, lose, loss, luggage, never, pounds, summer, travel, want, weight, weight loss, worry
Waking up early is always beneficial. You just gotta make it past those first 10 minutes of being irritated.

3 months ago
always, being, benefit, early, humor, irritation, just, minutes, mood, morning, past, waking, waking up

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

The pain of watching a movie with someone who talks a lot.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

Police officer: please step out of your vehicle. Me: after this song, hold on.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

Call me constipated the way I don’t give a shit.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

Taylor Swift’s prenup is about to be longer than any book Travis Kelce has ever read.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

Whoever salts the fries at McDonald’s needs to come do the roads.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

Went fishing and actually caught a fish. So now I gotta deal with this shit.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

I enjoy excess, but only in moderation.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via LinkedIn:

This meeting could have been a cake.

Making waves on X:

I think you are suffering from a lack of vitamin ME.

Going viral on Slack:

Mouse in a conference call: hold on, I’m gonna put you on squeakerphone.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Imagine working at Pornhub. At like the corporate office as a developer or whatever. White collar. That’s gotta be a weird job. Working there has gotta be bloody weird.

Going viral on Telegram:

I want my house spotless, but kicking my kids out seems wrong.

Going viral on Messenger:

All my life lessons were learned by watching people who took my advice.

Breaking via Telegram:

I consider the second page of Google results the dark web.

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Activity Log ✨

I ordered a new umbrella on Amazon and had it delivered straight to the lost and found office to maximize efficiency.

When the Olympics finally introduces the event “Dropping your phone and very nearly catching it but not quite” then you’ll all see me shine.

Job interview: Where do you see yourself in five years? Me: Hopefully on a sabbatical.

I deleted Google when I met you because the search was over.

“Love is in the air.” Wrong. Microplastics.

Want to lose weight for the summer? Don’t worry, just check in your luggage at the airport. You’ll never see those pounds again.

Waking up early is always beneficial. You just gotta make it past those first 10 minutes of being irritated.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

If you live in the same hemisphere as me, you’ve probably already heard me sneeze.

Please don’t be mean to me, because I can be meaner and I hate being mean.

Just checked my bank account. Looks like everyone’s getting well wishes for Christmas.

Apparently I lack empathy, according to some stupid cow in HR.

If you’re thinking what I’m thinking, you need professional help.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

My favorite delusion is that I just need to get through this week.

Real yearners know yearning is not actually fun.

I need a day off from myself.

Girls on their period: stay away from me; I need you.

The iPhone alarm is so effective that you wake up before it goes off, so you don’t have to listen to such an unbearable noise.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

If it turns cold one more time, I’m gonna put the Christmas tree back up.

If history is repeating itself, when can I buy a pet dinosaur?

If you wear enough cardigans, people will assume you’re smart and you can stop reading entirely.

Told my girl I’m tired of her dramas and she bought me an energy drink.

We can do things two ways. My way or the right way.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Just because you are unique, doesn’t mean you are useful.

Pro tip: Invest in pasta companies. Worth every penne.

I hate when I get ready too quickly and have to sit on the couch, fully dressed, and wait like an idiot.

If I honk at this person, maybe it will make them a better person.

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I ordered a new umbrella on Amazon and had it delivered straight to the lost and found office to maximize efficiency.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

When the Olympics finally introduces the event “Dropping your phone and very nearly catching it but not quite” then you’ll all see me shine.

Job interview: Where do you see yourself in five years? Me: Hopefully on a sabbatical.

I deleted Google when I met you because the search was over.

“Love is in the air.” Wrong. Microplastics.

Want to lose weight for the summer? Don’t worry, just check in your luggage at the airport. You’ll never see those pounds again.

Waking up early is always beneficial. You just gotta make it past those first 10 minutes of being irritated.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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