I put the ‘no’ in ‘I will let u know’.

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I’m shocked it offended you, I was certain someone was gonna need to explain it to you.

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The paintings I always like the most in museums are the ones that have a bench.

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Professor, set the time machine for right now. I’m trying to be more present.

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I can turn wine into water about two hours after drinking it. Checkmate Jesus.

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Spotify Wrapped: February was your basketball watermelon loudspeaker phone call hip hop moment.

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Life can only give you lemons if you answer the door.

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You know you’re getting old when you’re entering your birth year online and you need to spin that thing like you’re on wheel of fortune.

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I read somewhere on the internet that 87% of what you read on the internet isn’t true, and I believe it.

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The last time I said I wanted to try missionary, she sent me to a remote village in Africa.

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The plant app says that I either watered my plant too much or not enough. Very helpful. Thanks!