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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

I wanna stand with you on a mountain and throw you into the sea, or whatever Savage Garden was on about.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

Why is it called the Super Bowl if no one is bowling?

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

The thing I can’t get over about Love Island is they’re only allowed 2 drinks a night, like they’re all just acting like that.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

I don’t have mirrors in my house. I mean, who wants to see disappointment everyday?

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

You’ll pay good money to hear a comedian say something offensive, but when I say it for free, I’m the bad guy.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

Dear Santa, I’ve been good all year. Most of the time. Once in a while. Never mind, I’ll buy my own stuff.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

Taylor Swift should write a song about people who don’t return their shopping carts to the corrals.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

Parenting is cheering on your kid’s winning softball team all weekend and then cheering on the Sunday rain for cancelling the rest of the games.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

It’s jarring for me when there are British people in the Midwest. How did you get this far inland?

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

Quitting my job to focus on watching YouTube.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

237 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,506

Funny Quotes Topics

17,571

Funny Quotes Images

15,506

Jan 6, 2026

3,690

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via LinkedIn:

I’m cosplaying as a functional adult again.

Seen just now on Slack:

No matter how bad your day seems, just remember that someone out there has line danced to Achy Breaky Heart.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Strangers vomiting their beliefs all over you every day is not good for the soul.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Shout-out to my embarrassingly squeaky ass bed frame that makes me sound more popular than I actually am to my neighbors.

Going viral on Reddit:

Girls ask for help to open a jar, but can throw a couch during an argument.

Making waves on WeChat:

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.

Freshly posted on Discord:

You can tell a lot about someone based on which Spice Girl they were most attracted to.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Waiting patiently for the alien invasion.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Ancestors survived five mass extinctions on earth for me to be killed by a house cat I was trying to put a Christmas sweater on.

Just shared via Telegram:

HR has told me to stop saying ‘How stupid can you be?’ to members of staff. They’re worried it’s being taken as a challenge.

I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control. I thought to myself, “Wow, this changes everything.”

2 months ago

0

I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control. I thought to myself, “Wow, this changes everything.”

Download image ↓

Commentary:
🤖 "Ah, the universal remote control – the magical wand that grants us power over our TV kingdoms! It's like holding the keys to a whole new world of laziness and convenience. Say goodbye to the days of hunting down multiple remotes like a lost expedition leader!" 📺🔮

change, changes, control, convenience, everything, first time, humor, i, myself, observation, remember, remote, saw, technology, thought, time, universal, universal remote

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’ve been saving these cleavage crumbs just for you babe.

0

2 months ago

babe, cleavage, crumbs, flirting, humor, joke, just, playful, relationship, saving
Things I hate about group work: The group.

0

2 months ago

collaboration, frustration, group, group work, hate, humor, i, sarcasm, teamwork, things, work
Thank god I played a lot of Tetris as a kid or I never would have been able to get everything into the freezer.

0

2 months ago

childhood, everything, freezer, gaming, gaming humor, God, humor, i, kid, never, nostalgia, organization, played, problem, problem-solving, solving, Tetris, thank
I have no need to judge people because of their religion, skin color or sexual orientation. Bad behavior is enough for me.

0

2 months ago

acceptance, bad, bad behavior, behavior, color, equality, humor, i, judge, judgment, me, need, orientation, people, religion, sarcasm, sexual, sexual orientation, skin, skin color
My Mom say that everyone has a beautiful side, so I guess I’m a circle.

0

2 months ago

beautiful, beautiful side, circle, everyone, family, humor, i, mom, perspective, self-deprecation, side
Apologies for the late response, instead of spending three minutes answering your email, I ignored it and felt anxious for two weeks.

0

2 months ago

answering, anxiety, anxious, apology, communication, email, humor, i, ignored, late, late response, minutes, procrastination, response, spending, three, weeks

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

55 shares on Reddit this month:

When people give me directions and they’re like “you can’t miss it,” I’m like, “Oh, you do not know what I’m capable of.”

64 shares on YouTube this month:

Coffee and more coffee is a perfect combo.

64 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Don’t let me drive if you’re gonna scream every time we almost die.

30 shares on X this month:

Had an interview today, and my belly rumbled. The lady goes, “Missed lunch?” I told her, “Nah, I’m hungry for success!”

29 shares on Slack this month:

It’s way too easy to lie online. I was just telling Beyoncé about that the other day.

90 shares on Telegram this month:

Why would I go to my high school reunion? I didn’t want to be there the first time.

45 shares on Facebook this month:

You say “multitask” like it’s a good thing.

43 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I would really like to meet this “other candidate” who keeps taking all the jobs I’ve been applying to.

15 shares on Twitch this month:

Due to personal reasons, I’ll be turning you into a poem.

26 shares on Messenger this month:

In the event of a tornado or other such natural disaster, place wieners and/or cheese slices in your pockets, so the search dogs will find you first.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing in a household is said more lovingly than, “Can you bring me some toilet paper?”

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Hate when you’re trying to take a nap and the dentist is all “Please open your mouth.”

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I think humans are meant to lay in bed with the love of their life all winter.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

How I flirt? I look at an attractive person several times and hope that they are bolder than me.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I have a condition where if I don’t walk as fast as humanly possible wherever I go, I will die. I’m like the bus in Speed.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t think human beings were built to know everything going on in the world all the time.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Normalize booing in the workplace.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I swear some songs have background noises of your mum shouting your name from downstairs.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

The ‘E’ in my name stands for ‘Everything you need.’

24 folks are currently checking 👀

When I die, I want to come back as a speed bump so I can piss people off.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

237 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,506

Funny Quotes Topics

17,571

Funny Quotes Images

15,506

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,283

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

Sometimes I do this fun little thing, where I take the time to write a grocery list, and then I forget it at home.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

Peloton guy yelling “two more, one more” but it’s me eating Cheetos.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

No one shoots at your feet and tells you to dance anymore.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

Men don’t eject their eyes from their sockets and yell awooga anymore.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

I have a drawer in my kitchen that I can’t open anymore because of that one time I decided to put a spatula in it.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

“Dress for the job you want, not for the job you have” is all well and good until you’re rocking a tutu.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

“I’ve never done parkour, but I have chased a toddler with an open Sharpie through the house.”

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

Have nothing to say, I just wanted to appear in your newsfeed.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

Excuse me, but would you sign my petition to ban petitions?

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

Come on, karma, do your job.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Pinterest:

If my wife doesn’t win anything on this $2 scratch ticket, it’s going to go down as one of the worst birthday presents ever.

Making waves on Threads:

Nobody is meaner to me than me. So take your shot.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

In other news, congrats to my therapist for securing a 4 year contract with me.

Trending via Snapchat:

Home Depot should allow men over 40 to have birthday parties in their stores.

Going viral on Reddit:

Men used to go to war, now they want to be the little spoon.

Making waves on Instagram:

Hey man, your fly is down. Let me get that for you.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

My attempts to purge my possessions always seem to result in me rediscovering that I have lots of nice things, after which I lie happily on my hoard like a dragon.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Sorry, I would love to, but I just made a bunch of rules for myself, and I’m actually not allowed to do that.

Going bananas on Instagram:

If I’m too much, go find less. I’m not running a clearance sale.

Just landed via TikTok:

In honor of the last eclipse, I will also get in the way of someone brighter than me.

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