Trendy Funny Quotes

  • My wife refuses to hire a housekeeper because she doesn’t want them to see this mess.
  • I’ve never been married, but I tell people I’m divorced so they won’t think something is wrong with me.
  • Old people like to golf every day because they are so sick of everyone’s shit and just wanna repeatedly whack something.
  • My favorite pirate song is “Aye of the Tiger”
  • Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you’re up to.
  • My grandmother is a shining example of how you can live until 90 years of age, sustained by nothing but spite and biscuits.