I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order. I then picked the movie and pizza because I’m the one with the money.

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Text a co-worker at a random time “are you joining this meeting?” as a fun holiday prank.

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Still can’t believe America has a federal holiday to celebrate the hit movie Independence Day.

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My husband keeps borrowing and losing my tweezers, so I’m naming this chin hair after him.

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Nothing brings neighbors together like a few cops cars in front of another neighbor’s house that no one likes.

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Being too stressed isn’t good for the baby. I’m not pregnant though, it’s just that I’m the baby.

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Anyone who thinks office jobs are harmless has never cut their finger on paper.

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Making a record-breaking number of bad choices today, I’m really proud of myself.

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Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.

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It’s like ten thousand tweets when all you need is a life.

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The absolute injustice of being asked to come and take away the boxes of junk that you’ve been storing at your parents’ house for 20 years.