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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

If you watch Home Alone backwards it’s a loving story about a boy that heals two men that were savagely beaten.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

Your 20s should be spent nervously sitting on the edge of the bed with rigid posture.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

Who really needs jetpacks, I want to be able to start over from my last save point.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

Bruschetta is 80% delicious and 20% mess.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

You are not obligated to post a video of yourself dancing.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

Sometimes, in the middle of eating a rotisserie chicken, I ask myself “did I just run a red light?”

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

Update on my fitness journey: My wife just handed me a bag of apples at the market and said, “careful, it’s heavy.”

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

Just worked out for 2 hours straight and 1 hour gay.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

“Some things are better left unsaid,” I think to myself immediately after I hit send.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

I either text back right away or never, because I saw your text, replied in my head but forgot to actually type it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

457 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,726

Funny Quotes Topics

17,747

Funny Quotes Images

15,726

Updated

Jan 14, 2026

Users Online

3,238

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Telegram:

Beds are always the coziest when it’s time to get up and you don’t want to.

Just landed via TikTok:

Sorry I missed your call 8 months ago. Is everything okay?

Freshly posted on Twitch:

My bad if I ever left you on read. I didn’t mean to open the message.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Have you ever been so hungry but had no food in the house, so you took a nap instead?

Seen just now on Slack:

Take me down to the Moria city, where the girls are green and the boys are stinky… and even Gandalf said ‘Nope, too freaky!’

Shared recently on Telegram:

What doesn’t kill you gives you a twisted, dark sense of humor.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I need a job where I don’t actually have to work.

Live now on Twitch:

They should invent a “stay signed in” checkbox that isn’t meaningless.

Trending via Discord:

Forgetting how to clean the dishes and shooting them with a gun.

Going viral on WeChat:

I don’t have gray hair, I have wisdom highlights.

I wanna stand with you on a mountain and throw you into the sea, or whatever Savage Garden was on about.

I wanna stand with you on a mountain and throw you into the sea, or whatever Savage Garden was on about.
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Commentary:
"Ah, Savage Garden – the masters of blending romance with questionable mountain etiquette! 🏔️💔 Who knew love could involve such adventurous aquatic activities? 😂 Let's hope 'standing on a mountain' with someone doesn't lead to a one-way ticket to the sea! 🌊 #SavageGardenShenanigans"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

32 shares on TikTok this month:

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

50 shares on TikTok this month:

A bad relationship can ruin a good song.

48 shares on Pinterest this month:

I wish I had the confidence of someone who would let themselves be tattooed in a place they can’t see.

81 shares on Facebook this month:

After my funeral, I want one of my friends to take my phone and text everyone, “Thanks for coming.”

35 shares on WeChat this month:

When my friends are religious, I pretend not to notice.

81 shares on YouTube this month:

I finally got 8 hours of sleep. Took me four days, but whatever.

98 shares on Threads this month:

By the way, if you don’t buy anything on Black Friday, you can save up to 100%.

70 shares on Instagram this month:

My therapist is fluffy and walks on four paws.

42 shares on X this month:

I’m a fully functional adult with the energy levels of a hibernating bear.

17 shares on WhatsApp this month:

There is no ‘we’ in ‘food’.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Exercise won’t cure your depression, but it can make you hotter than your enemies.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I was walking near a construction site today and heard the foreman yell, “You’re doing a good job!” I know that was meant for me.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Social media is a great way to make new enemies.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I always bring a glass of water to bed with me so I have something to knock over in the middle of the night.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I showered with my boyfriend. My breasts have never been so clean! Wow!

14 folks are currently checking 👀

If she says “it’s fine,” you’re probably in trouble.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Due to personal reasons, I won’t be dropping it like it’s hot anymore.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve reached the age where I would rather go to a hardware store than a club.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I want to text this person, but I need to have shame and self-respect.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

God doesn’t do nearly enough smiting anymore.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

457 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,726

Funny Quotes Topics

17,747

Funny Quotes Images

15,726

Updated

Jan 14, 2026

Users Online

3,644

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

When I eat rotisserie chicken, I like to pretend that I’m performing an autopsy.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

Them: “Ugh, could you be more annoying?” Me: “Oh God, yes!”

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

I keep forgetting i’m at the age where people will tell me they’re pregnant and my reaction is supposed to be positive.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

A baby cow is called a calf because it’s half a cow. Half cow. Calf. No further questions.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

Sneaking up behind people and marrying them.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

My car spider built a web across my steering wheel and now I can’t go anywhere.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

Some people shop for designer heels. I shop for nonstop flight deals.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

No one talks about how uncomfortable it is to ask for your own money back.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

Humans are the only species that would cut down trees, make paper out of them, and then write “Save the Trees” on it.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

“I’ll worry about it next time.” Me pissing off future me.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Toast doesn’t talk. How do you know it’s French?

Going viral on Slack:

My child has entered the “Why?” stage of linguistic development, and I’ve realized I know absolutely nothing.

Spotted on Slack:

Films and television have led me to believe that masquerade balls have a higher mortality rate than most wars.

Spotted on TikTok:

Good morning, townsfolk. I’m here to slay the monsters.

Live now on X:

Going to the gym for my health and wellbeing? No, I just wanna look good naked.

Trending via Discord:

Time Magazine should have a Worst Person of the Year!

Trending via Twitch:

Pasta is something I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of.

Making waves on Threads:

When women get to a certain weight, you’ll notice they change their social media profile pictures to flowers, cats, or dogs.

Just landed via Discord:

No more relationships for me, the last one was an embarrassment to my gangsta.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

After 30, an all-nighter is not getting up to pee.

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