Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

“NOT dishwasher safe!” You’ll be okay, buddy, just do your best in there.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

I’m staying up past midnight this New Year’s eve. Not to welcome the new year, but to make sure this one is over.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

I may be sensitive, but everyone else could be a little kinder, too.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

Thinking of you while I’m chopping onions.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

Establish dominance by maintaining eye contact whilst twerking.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

I just bought a universal remote. This changes everything.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

Someone asked me how much I normally spend on a bottle of wine. Answering “usually an hour” wasn’t the right answer. I know this now.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

“You’re a psychopath!” At least I’m on a path, babe, sort your life out.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

People be like “bear with me” and they don’t even have a bear with them.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

Your eyes water when you yawn because you miss your bed and it makes you sad.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,482

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Just said “shitted feet” instead of “fitted sheet” in front of my my son and his friends. If you need me, I’ll be in the closet.

Seen just now on Messenger:

My phone screen is brighter than my future.

Trending via Slack:

You unfollow me because you are afraid of falling in love with me. I know!

Making waves on Messenger:

Celery is depressing green water wafers.

Going viral on Instagram:

So many people to disappoint, so little time.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Taylor Swift is a psyop designed to get my wife to hum little tunes here and there.

Seen just now on Discord:

Dating apps aren’t working. I’ll see ya at Home Depot, gentlemen.

Just landed via X:

Your dog immediately knows you’re leaving when you put on nice clothes… only because you usually look homeless when you’re at home.

Going bananas on Reddit:

I can’t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life, or they are living it to the fullest.

Spotted on Telegram:

I don’t know much, but I know this: the older you get, the faster the number of things you’re willing to wait in line for approaches zero.

I wasn’t feeling well so I googled my symptoms. I either have allergies or I died two days ago.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Googling symptoms: the ultimate rollercoaster ride between 'It's just allergies' and 'Guess I'm a ghost now' 👻🤧 #DrGoogleSays"

ago, allergy, days, death, diagnosis, died, feeling, googled, health, humor, i, internet, joke, symptom, symptoms, well

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Told my boss I was going to the bathroom but didn’t say which one. Now I’m at home.

0

2 months ago

bathroom, boss, going, home, honesty, humor, i, joke, miscommunication, prank, say, told, workplace
Meetings are great because who doesn’t like being held hostage?

0

2 months ago

being, business, communication, great, held, hostage, humor, meetings, office, work
Like, who are those little paper umbrellas trying to protect?

0

2 months ago

absurdity, comedy, humor, irony, lighthearted, little, paper, parody, question, quirk, trying
I just want to find someone that gets annoyed by the same things as I do.

0

2 months ago

annoyance, annoyed, compatibility, cringe, dating, humor, humorous, i, interest, just, relationship, same, shared, shared interest, someone, things, want
Much like an Olympic sprinter, I also load up on carbs, exert myself for roughly two minutes, and then quit for the rest of the day.

0

2 months ago

activity, carbs, day, effort, exertion, fitness, humor, i, laziness, load, minutes, much, myself, Olympic, quit, rest, sprinter
First date idea: we deactivate your Instagram.

0

2 months ago

date, dating, dating idea, deactivate, first date, humor, idea, Instagram, media, relationship, social, social media

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

37 shares on Slack this month:

If you can’t tell which family member is coming up the stairs by the speed and weight of their footsteps, are you even family?

28 shares on WeChat this month:

If my son ever came out as gay, I’d be so furious. Furious that he never gave me fashion advice.

12 shares on Instagram this month:

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

69 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m soirée for my mispronunciation of French words.

67 shares on X this month:

Have to write a note to my kid’s first grade teacher, and now I’m stressed out about my handwriting.

92 shares on Messenger this month:

This weekend was so busy, I hardly had time to sit around in my pajamas and doom scroll.

16 shares on Threads this month:

Having a bathroom switch outside a bathroom and a sibling is a bad combination.

72 shares on WeChat this month:

Girl to girl: Please have at least two boyfriends.

36 shares on Threads this month:

If I’m ever the problem, you’re the reason.

48 shares on Facebook this month:

Stop blaming yourself for your failures. Learn astrology and blame the planets.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

So much anger in this small little body. I feel like a chihuahua.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

Thoughts more intrusive than a 90s sitcom neighbor.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

Let’s hope those bridges you burn keep you warm at night.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

Dear recipe websites. I don’t need your life story. Just give me the recipe.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

Asking myself if that was too weird after I hit send.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

No, I’m not depressed. I’m sure there’s just something wrong with the planets or stars or something.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

That annoying moment when you’re texting someone and autocorrect decides to join the conversation.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

Washing mushrooms is the quickest way to figure out exactly how much dirt you’re okay with eating.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

Dear ghosts, if you can move stuff around and flicker lights, then you can use a mop.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

I really don’t get enough praise for someone who doesn’t need validation from others.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Messenger:

Some people post such depressing love shit that I start to miss their exes myself!

Breaking via X:

I’m so grateful when people tell me to drive safe, cause then I remember not to drive off that cliff.

Live now on Messenger:

I wish I had the confidence of someone who would let themselves be tattooed in a place they can’t see.

Just landed via Facebook:

The only way I’m gonna hit the gym is if I accidentally drive into it.

Trending via Messenger:

While you were rotting and wasting your life away, I was doing the exact same thing.

Just shared via Instagram:

A new year resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

Live now on Snapchat:

Self-help books are brain rot. Return to fiction.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I wanna stand with you on a mountain and throw you into the sea, or whatever Savage Garden was on about.

Just shared via YouTube:

That made me feel good. I think I’ll become addicted.

Breaking via Instagram:

You think you’re aging well and then you feel an earlobe hair blowing in the wind.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I wasn’t feeling well so I googled my symptoms. I either have allergies or I died two days ago.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Told my boss I was going to the bathroom but didn’t say which one. Now I’m at home.

Meetings are great because who doesn’t like being held hostage?

Like, who are those little paper umbrellas trying to protect?

I just want to find someone that gets annoyed by the same things as I do.

Much like an Olympic sprinter, I also load up on carbs, exert myself for roughly two minutes, and then quit for the rest of the day.

First date idea: we deactivate your Instagram.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨