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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

Responding to all selfies with “this should work.”

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

These days I just accept the website cookies without any protest. Website is like Grandma, I’m not gonna fight with her.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

I may be a chaotic mess, but then so is quantum physics.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

At my next job, I’m gonna lie about having a kid so I can leave the office anytime I want like everyone else with children.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

Ever since I was a little girl I knew I wanted to leave work early.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

Job interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Me: I would say my biggest weakness is listening.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

Sometimes it’s the conversations you have with yourself that take the longest.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

Telling your parents about your problems is like trying to put out a fire with gasoline.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

I drive home so quick after work like I’m late for the house.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

The night before a day off is more satisfying than the actual day off.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,369

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on TikTok:

I’m the friend who shows up with a shovel and an alibi.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I hate when flies rub their disgusting little hands together. What could you possibly be plotting? You can’t even get out of the open window.

Live now on Messenger:

Using my one phone call to call Santa.

Just landed via Threads:

The best part of the relationship is before you meet them, and you’re single.

Making waves on Facebook:

75% of being a divorce lawyer is just answering emails from clients saying, “No. No. No. You absolutely cannot do that, no.”

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Hell hath no fury like a sports bra being applied to a just showered but not 100% dry body.

Making waves on Threads:

I just be giggling, then start thinking about bills and remember ain’t nothing funny.

Going viral on Threads:

Not to be dramatic, but when I accidentally save a file twice and it adds that (1) at the end, it is the worst moment of my life.

Seen just now on Discord:

Unfortunately, I am not nonchalant, I will set myself on fire.

Just landed via Slack:

It seems that after checking my bank account, I need to turn to a life of crime.

I wish I loved anything as much as people love to say they are “thrilled” on LinkedIn.

Witty quote about exaggerated LinkedIn enthusiasm, humorously highlighting social media trends.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the eternal quest for true passion – a journey as elusive as finding the perfect LinkedIn profile picture! 🤣 Maybe one day we'll all be "thrilled" to update our skills section too! #LinkedInStruggles

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

19 shares on Instagram this month:

Having sex with the same person gets freakier and nastier each time.

99 shares on Facebook this month:

People with ADHD be like “I can’t fry an egg, I got too much going on”.

47 shares on Telegram this month:

Half of Twitter is horny, half is depressed, and the other half don’t know how to do math.

46 shares on Snapchat this month:

I feel bad for Slash. He bought a goofy hat in like 1986 and now he has to wear it until the day he dies.

73 shares on Messenger this month:

“I’m interested in the divorce rate for couples who sleep in queen versus king beds.”

21 shares on Instagram this month:

Whoever said “out of sight, out of mind” never had a spider disappear inside their tent.

66 shares on Discord this month:

I think it’s time when we buy new clothes that we have the option to buy the body they’re being modelled in too.

38 shares on Threads this month:

Does anyone else feel like their brain has a hundred tabs open at once?

51 shares on Facebook this month:

I have been putting a lot of thought into it, and I just don’t think being an adult is going to work for me.

29 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Instagram is literally just screenshots of Twitter.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Apartments show you 44 pics of the lobby. Man, I ain’t living in there.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Turns out I like you a lot more than I originally planned.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

My motivation and me: It’s complicated.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Hey, I noticed you’re completely uninterested in me and couldn’t care whether I live or die. Would you like to build a life together?

24 folks are currently checking 👀

One thing I love about the internet is seeing some of the most hateful people posting inspirational quotes.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

If you respond to my sarcasm with better sarcasm, then I might just catch feelings.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I have feelings for you but you have to guess which ones.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I bet there’s a couple of seconds on that medieval torture stretcher rack where it feels incredible.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate when I lose things at work, like my favorite pen or my will to live.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Jesus died for your sins. If you don’t sin then he died for nothing!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,564

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

I got my superpowers when I was bitten by a radioactive idiot.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

Brussels sprouts were invented by big cabbage to sell little cabbages.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

His palm trees are Serengeti, destination wedding, luggage is heavy. There’s vomit on his tux already, Dollar store confetti.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

Parenting a teenager is surreal because you’ll be sitting there, and some dude who is much taller than you will walk around the corner and ask you how to open a popcorn bag.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

Stop giving kids Bible names but no Bible lessons. Moses tried to rob me last night.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

The amount of water you actually need to drink to be hydrated is so obscene. Who does this body think it is? A data center?

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

Everyone’s gangster until they use a pen that is satisfyingly smooth and fun to write with.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

Welcome to adulthood. Everyone’s tired here.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

I’m just a girl looking for another snack.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

My parents still haven’t apologized for making me ugly.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Every house is a dream house when you can’t afford one.

Live now on Telegram:

The porn bots liking my posts from years ago is just reminding me that I’ve always been hilarious.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Sometimes I wonder what happened to the people who asked me for directions.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

I was a nothingburger to him, but he was an everything bagel to me…

Making waves on Reddit:

I don’t even check my bank account no more. I just swipe my card and if it’s god’s will, money will be debited.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Every few months, the urge to eat buttered toast will possess you.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I do not have a “body count.” I have a curious spirit.

Going viral on YouTube:

All my bills say “Outstanding.” I guess I am good to go.

Spotted on X:

Pretty annoying when someone unfollows me before I can conduct their exit interview.

Just shared via TikTok:

I have to work because the baby is expensive. (I’m the baby.)

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