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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

I regret to inform you all that I just plan on getting hotter and weirder.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

Accordion to a recent survey, inserting musical instruments into sentences largely goes unnoticed.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

If it turns cold one more time, I’m gonna put the Christmas tree back up.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

Moose would have been a better name for a cow.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

I don’t get why banks tie pens with strings. We trust them with money, but they can’t trust us with a single pen.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

There I was, quietly reliving my dream of having my own house, when suddenly I was attacked by insane prices.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

Tomorrow isn’t promised, we need to flirt today.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

All my life lessons were learned by watching people who took my advice.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

“I’m great at saving money, as long as I don’t go anywhere, see anyone, or open my eyes.”

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

I used to be so graceful, now I am like a puppy with a box stuck on her head.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

231 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,500

Funny Quotes Topics

17,568

Funny Quotes Images

15,500

Jan 6, 2026

3,581

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Discord:

I’m best man at my buddy’s second wedding. Is it appropriate to open my dinner speech with “Welcome back everyone”?

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Is it okay for me to start drinking as soon as the kids are at school, or am I just a terrible teacher?

Shared recently on Facebook:

Sorry, I just saw your text from last night. Are you guys still at the restaurant?

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

It’s cold and dark outside, made me think of you.

Spotted on WeChat:

I don’t think anything good will ever happen again until people feel bad about being stupid again.

Making waves on YouTube:

Decorated the house across the street so I can look out the window and enjoy my handiwork.

Freshly posted on X:

While you were rotting and wasting your life away, I was doing the exact same thing.

Shared recently on Twitch:

If swimming is such good exercise, explain whales.

Trending via Facebook:

I think fathers lose their mind a little bit when they realize their daughters aren’t as forgiving as their wives.

Going viral on Threads:

Did you seriously just pique my interest?

I wish my doctor would put down a little treat to distract me like my vet does for my dog.

2 months ago

0

I wish my doctor would put down a little treat to distract me like my vet does for my dog.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Imagine going to the doctor's office and finding a trail of treats leading to the examination room! 🐾 Who says bribing with snacks only works on pets? 🍖😂 Maybe we should start a 'treats-for-patients' movement! 🏥 #DoctorVsVet"

animals, animals vs humans, comparison, distraction, doctor, dog, healthcare, humans, humor, i, little, me, put, treat, vet, vs, wish

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Sorry, I’m late. I got here when I wanted to.

0

2 months ago

attitude, casual, confidence, here, humor, i, late, lateness, punctuality, sarcasm, sorry, wanted
I enjoy the freedom of speech, because if you let crazy people talk, they’ll totally tell you they’re crazy.

0

2 months ago

crazy, enjoy, freedom, freedom of speech, i, let, people, speech, talk, tell
Life can only give you lemons if you answer the door.

0

2 months ago

answer, challenges, choices, door, give, humor, lemons, life, perspective, positivity
Can we talk about what little red riding hoods actual grandma must have looked like?

0

2 months ago

actual, appearance, character, fairy, fairy tale, fantasy, grandma, hood, humor, little, little red riding hood, red, riding, storytelling, tale, talk
One minute you’re young and carefree. The next minute you can feel in your knee when it starts to rain.

0

2 months ago

aging, carefree, change, feel, humor, knee, life, minute, next, rain, young, youth
LinkedIn: where you desperately hope that one idiot you had a drink with six years ago can somehow help get you a job.

0

2 months ago

ago, desperation, drink, help, hope, humor, idiot, job, LinkedIn, networking, past, six, where

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

39 shares on TikTok this month:

I am a person who wants to get a lot done, trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep in and take naps at times.

14 shares on Slack this month:

I just paid my taxes. The roads should be fixed any day now.

19 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Your Majesty” would be the best name for a cat.

94 shares on Pinterest this month:

Why, as a hair, would you even wanna be ingrown. Like why are you doing that?

75 shares on Telegram this month:

Tried to be a responsible adult today. Won’t be doing that again.

90 shares on Telegram this month:

I wear sunglasses when I’m driving so nobody knows I’m asleep.

55 shares on Threads this month:

I don’t care if it’s AI or an immigrant, I desperately need someone to take my job, it’s killing me.

53 shares on X this month:

We’re limited only by our imagination and some federal agencies.

44 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m so bored of being bored, because being bored is really boring.

34 shares on Slack this month:

If you encounter a teenager out in the wild, be kind. They are the first generation of kids whose parents are cooler than they are.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Do you ever find yourself just thinkin’ about bread?

18 folks are currently checking 👀

No one tells you that the older you get, the more often you check your weather app.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I love wearing sunglasses. Am I looking at your face? Am I looking at your ass? No one knows.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

“Bluetooth or Insane?” is a fun game we all play when we see a lone person speaking out loud in public.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I have a photographic memory, but I’ve run out of film.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Never eat more than you can lift.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I have tasted employment, I have tasted joblessness and I recommend generational wealth guys.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Dear Math, I don’t want to solve your problem, I have my own problems to solve.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

No offense, fellas, we love compliments, but a compliment from another woman means just a little bit more.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Before we become friends, could you please sign this NDA.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

231 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,500

Funny Quotes Topics

17,568

Funny Quotes Images

15,500

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,449

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

If a woman says “Do what you want!”, then for God’s sake don’t do what you want!

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

We should bring gargoyles back, more buildings need freaky little guys on them.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

How do I become a billionaire by 9 a.m. Monday? Please, it’s urgent.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

Nobody gets angrier than a man being accused of something he actually did.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

Adult peer pressure is seeing your neighbor mow his lawn.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

I need to consult the woods about this.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

I’ve used dark mode so much that I’m physically repulsed by white screens now.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

Growing up, there was a Cody in every elementary school class, but as an adult, I haven’t met a Cody in years. Where did they go?

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

Pretending I’m asleep so my boss has to carry me to the meeting.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

I Knew Better, But I Did It Anyway: A Memoir

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Reddit:

Standing like a flamingo at my kitchen counter eating watermelon is such a vibe.

Seen just now on Discord:

My personal brand is being the guest at a wedding who can’t dance but puts in a noticeable effort.

Just shared via Snapchat:

I’m trying to cut back on how much sense I make.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Be nice today, the world is on fire.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Inventor of pink lemonade: yes, exactly the same, but cute and for the girls.

Making waves on Telegram:

I didn’t know that Rome wasn’t built in a day. I wasn’t on that job.

Just landed via Messenger:

I don’t think human beings were built to know everything going on in the world all the time.

Breaking via Threads:

I was hoping to age like a fine wine, but I sort of feel more like an avocado.

Just shared via Messenger:

I may forget what I opened the fridge for but I remember every time anyone has ever wronged me.

Live now on WhatsApp:

How is rent for 28 days the same amount as for 31 days? Where is my change?

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