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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

That’s me in the corner eating Nutella with a spoon.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

Going to the beach the day after watching Jaws hits different.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

People pass a joint around like it’s no big deal, but the minute I ask someone to do that with their Subway sandwich, I’m a weirdo.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

I don’t know who needs to hear this right now, but it’s time to fold the laundry that’s been lying around since last Sunday.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

Please don’t celebrate April Fool’s day if you’re not a fool. My culture is not your costume.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

I just sneezed next to my computer and the anti-virus popped up.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

Sleeping is nice, because you’re not actually dead and you’re not awake, so its a win-win situation.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

I ran out of toilet paper so I had to start using old newspapers. The Times are rough.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

A designated hitter in baseball is the one who has to hit for everyone in case the team is drunk.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

Feeling lonely? Just glue a coffee cup to the roof of your car. Everyone will wave to you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

766 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,928

Funny Quotes Topics

13,900

Funny Quotes Images

10,928

Updated

17 minutes ago

Users Online

3,436

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on YouTube:

How many of y’all are “burn a CD” and “lime wire” old?

Making waves on Discord:

Embattled politicians resign saying they want to spend more time with their families. Do their families get a say in this?

Freshly posted on Slack:

All the fruit flies are well-behaved near the garbage, only one is constantly nagging somewhere else because it thinks it has to discover new lands.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Don’t wait until you’re on your death bed to let them know how you feel. You may be too weak to raise your middle finger.

Shared recently on Reddit:

One day I’ll do amazing things. Today I’ll be satisfied if I don’t spill food on my lap.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Many men also have a walk-in closet. For them, it’s just called a floor.

Just landed via YouTube:

I know sacrifice. I’m willing to pluck a few extra hairs to get to the white ones.

Just landed via Telegram:

If I was lying down and someone came up and gave me tons of kisses and smooshed my face, I’d love it. I don’t know what my cat’s problem is.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

She asked to see where the magic happens, so I showed her my sandwich maker.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Petition to make weekends longer. Two days isn’t enough.

I would never be comfortable delivering a baby. I can’t even remove an avocado pit without dropping it.

I would never be comfortable delivering a baby. I can’t even remove an avocado pit without dropping it.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"I guess you could say handling an avocado pit isn't exactly a seamless process, let alone delivering a baby! 🥑👶 Who knew that one slippery pit could be the ultimate preparation for the miracle of life? 😅 #AvocadoSkills"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

766 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,928

Funny Quotes Topics

13,900

Funny Quotes Images

10,928

Updated

17 minutes ago

Users Online

3,443

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

People who say that they don’t have time for my bullshit should wake up an hour earlier.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

Friday the 13th used to mean something. Now every day is awful.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

The biggest problem with finding another job is I don’t want one.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

Welcome to adulthood: you’re not exhausted, you’re just awake. Have a nice day.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

My workout is reading in bed until my arms hurt.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

I’d be less aggressive in the morning if I could drive to work in a tank.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

How can you not appreciate a drunk text? Someone is absolutely off their face and still thinking of you.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

Any place is a walkable city if you’re broke enough.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

I only write when I am falling in love, or falling apart.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

11 out of 10 women are always right.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Facebook:

Since I’ve stayed away from most people, I get on much better with people.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

My ducks may not be in a row, but at least they’re having fun. Your ducks probably hate you for making them line up like that.

Going viral on TikTok:

Every single bad day happened because I woke up.

Just shared via Threads:

Earth is hard.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

TikTok? I still call it a watch.

Going viral on Pinterest:

College is not even mentioned once in the Bible. Somebody get me outta here.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

The world is my ostrich, or whatever.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

They should invent going outside without people looking at you.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I need someone to convince me into or out of buying a jetski. I can’t keep living in this purgatory.

Reported on Messenger:

A DM? Flirt on the timeline like a real man.

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