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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

If only guys would moan in bed like they do in the gym…

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

Eating Chinese takeout is never as depressing as in the movies. It usually is good.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

Childbirth seems like an awful lot of work for an already saturated market.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

I don’t understand why my husband has to pay for a UFC fight when he could just throw one piece of candy on the floor in front of our kids.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

The worst part of my grandfather’s dementia was slowly watching him forget about Dre.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

Bottle of Worcestershire sauce tipped over in my fridge. The mess is unpronounceable.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

I visited my doctor today. He told me my sugar was too high. So I came home and moved it to a lower shelf.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

I have read that there are imaginary pregnancies. The belly gets bigger and bigger, but there is no baby inside. Finally a diagnosis.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

If you’re cremated after you die, you can be put into an hourglass and continue to participate in family game night.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

Me to cat: quit looking at me like I’m an ingredient.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,494

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Discord:

Doc, if I can vibecode anything and everyone else can vibecode anything, then what’s my competitive advantage?

Going bananas on Telegram:

I got bills. They’re multiplying.

Going viral on Facebook:

Sex is so embarrassing. Like, why did I want to do that to you?

Shared recently on Threads:

Wow, I absolutely love your outfit. The black really brings out the pet hair on it.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

And are the people who find you “hilarious” in the room with us now?

Just landed via Snapchat:

I wonder if people who spend all their time screaming on the internet know there are way more fun things to do.

Spotted on Threads:

Put my height in bio. Hope it lands me a girlfriend.

Just landed via Twitch:

My daily routine. Morning: Feeling tired, cranky and lazy. Afternoon: I could go for a nap. Night: I can’t sleep.

Just landed via TikTok:

We went out on a boat to see whales and the crew encouraged us to clap and cheer for the whales and boo at the regular fish.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I was always told to eat all my food so that I’d grow to be big and strong. When exactly does the strong part kick in?

If anyone wants to watch the Super Bowl on a large 8k TV, come on over to my place (and bring a large 8k TV).

2 months ago

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Commentary:
"Hosting a Super Bowl party at my place! Just a small request – please BYOTV (Bring Your Own TV)! 🏈📺 #SuperBowlSunday #BYOTV"

8K, activity, bowl, bring, fun, fun activity, gathering, humor, invitation, over, place, super, Super Bowl, TV, wants, watch

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36 shares on Discord this month:

What is your favorite movie where Tom Cruise runs really fast?

31 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Roman soldiers are all like “I’m going to fight you in this short yet tasteful leather skirt.”

16 shares on Slack this month:

Situation monitoring is not for the uncaffeinated.

21 shares on WeChat this month:

Me to cat: quit looking at me like I’m an ingredient.

55 shares on Facebook this month:

Can you check if my lips taste like cherries?

100 shares on WhatsApp this month:

At my age, I see no good reason to act my age.

63 shares on Instagram this month:

Stretching isn’t enough. I need to be able to disassemble my body like Legos.

25 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Nobody warns you of the devastation two days of stuffing will bring upon your digestive system.

62 shares on YouTube this month:

Whitening my teeth by getting a tan.

62 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m not lazy, I’m just highly selective about what I suffer for.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

When the exam is so hard that you look out the window to appreciate nature.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

People who cook breakfast before going to work are too mature for me.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

A large group of people is called an “eww, no thank you”

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

I’m the type of person to go back to sleep and try to finish a dream.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

I learned that when dogs lean against you it’s their version of hugging and now every time my dog leans against me my eyes start leaking.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, you should try swimming with sharks. It cost me an arm and a leg!

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

Losing a white tee to a stain is a different kind of grief.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

You’ve got to question the legitimacy of the Burger Kingdom if Burger King is just handing out crowns to anybody willy-nilly.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

This post is invisible, and only those going to Hell can see it.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

I figured out how they built the pyramids. No internet.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via TikTok:

Let’s draft everyone who has their phone on military time first, since you’re all so eager.

Going viral on YouTube:

Do y’all watch the results come or do you go to bed and wait to see what Democracy Claus left you in the morning?

Breaking via Pinterest:

Can’t wait to get past this phase of my life. I need to see what all of this was for.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Got possessed by a demon once, and everyone was like, “OMG, did you do something with your hair?”

Freshly posted on Instagram:

“We should get tickets” is as close to a rock concert as I get these days.

Just landed via TikTok:

Stupid cow blocking the road. HOW DAIRY!

Shared recently on Messenger:

My favorite dinner is the one made by someone else.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Don’t throw hate at me, throw money!

Just shared via Telegram:

We should be able to go to the bar and drink to watch Love Island, like men do with sports.

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Activity Log ✨

If anyone wants to watch the Super Bowl on a large 8k TV, come on over to my place (and bring a large 8k TV).

Hiccups became less popular. I never hear people hiccuping anymore. What’s going on there?

The older you get, the farther away your toenails are when they need a trim.

I get it cicadas, I’m ready to scream for six weeks too.

Having to choose between an old guy or a convicted felon is a perfect depiction of what dating apps are Iike.

I’m perverted, but in an elegant and whimsical way.

My body is in shock this morning from having to wake up early and wear hard pants.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If anyone wants to watch the Super Bowl on a large 8k TV, come on over to my place (and bring a large 8k TV).

Keep the laugh going 😂

Hiccups became less popular. I never hear people hiccuping anymore. What’s going on there?

The older you get, the farther away your toenails are when they need a trim.

I get it cicadas, I’m ready to scream for six weeks too.

Having to choose between an old guy or a convicted felon is a perfect depiction of what dating apps are Iike.

I’m perverted, but in an elegant and whimsical way.

My body is in shock this morning from having to wake up early and wear hard pants.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨