Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"If I had a dollar for every time my dogs chewed something they shouldn't, I'd probably just buy them more expensive chew toys to destroy! 🐶💸🤷‍♂️ #LifeWithDogs"

destroy, dog, dogs, humor, i, life, materialism, money, much, pets, possessions, pretty, same, stuff

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Only people who grew up before the internet will remember these: spelling, grammar and punctuation.

0

2 months ago

before, communication, education, grammar, humor, internet, nostalgia, only, people, punctuation, remember, spelling
Apparently the thirstiest creature in the whole world is always a kid who’s been told to go back to his bed like a hundred times.

0

2 months ago

always, back, bed, bedtime, creature, humor, kid, night, parenting, sleep, thirstiest, times, whole, world
Is it fall yet? I really can’t suck my stomach in much longer.

0

2 months ago

diet, fall, humor, i, seasons, self-image, stomach, struggle, suck
You feel me? Bro, I haven’t felt anything since the Scholastic Book Fair.

0

2 months ago

anything, book, boredom, bro, childhood, fair, feel, feelings, humor, i, me, nostalgia, scholastic, Scholastic Book Fair
“I’ll worry about it next time.” Me pissing off future me.

0

2 months ago

future, humor, me, next, pissing, problem, procrastination, self, time, worry
Prime Video will find the movie you were looking for and then say, “Oops, you gotta pay for it.”

0

2 weeks ago

digital, digital rental, entertainment, frustration, humor, looking, movie, online, online shopping, oops, pay, prime, Prime Video, rental, say, shopping, streaming, subscription, video

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

64 shares on X this month:

My birth year getting a lil too far on those lil scroll lists. I don’t like that.

25 shares on Messenger this month:

Imagine being social on social media.

72 shares on YouTube this month:

I wanna stand with you on a mountain and throw you into the sea, or whatever Savage Garden was on about.

15 shares on Messenger this month:

“I’ll see” = not coming, never was coming, never even considered it.

74 shares on TikTok this month:

Taylor Swift’s most unrealistic lyric is “he’d never tell you, but he can play guitar”, because I’ve never met a man who can play guitar that isn’t gonna tell you about it.

94 shares on Threads this month:

You wish you had this many chins.

19 shares on X this month:

Sometimes life is like a cowshed. You step from one turd into the next.

25 shares on LinkedIn this month:

When phones were tied with wires, people were free. Now that phones are wireless, people are tied.

30 shares on Discord this month:

Oh, Amazon, no. Please do not tell me how many packages I had delivered this year; that is none of my business.

95 shares on Slack this month:

I’ve disappointed better people.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

You should be able to google what someone said to you at the bar last night.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

I’m going to become more attractive or more delusional; I haven’t decided yet.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

Never understood why people train their dogs to sit pretty or roll over when there are useful tricks like empty the dishwasher or fold the laundry.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

If anyone needs me, I’ll be in this whirlpool of emotions over there.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

Started the year single. Ending the year single. Consistency is key.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

Sundries sounds like something grandma would call scandalous underwear.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

Who called it a heatwave and not a temperature tantrum?

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

Work beers should be a daily thing.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

When a lady compliments your facial hair, have the goddamn decency to compliment hers.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

I’m not a very good poker player cause my eyes turn into big dollar signs when I see that I have a good hand.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on X:

Sorry, can’t. The pears I bought a couple days ago have ripened.

Spotted on Telegram:

It’s easy to keep me happy: feed me sunshine in summer — and keep me warm in winter.

Spotted on Telegram:

Youngest siblings are literally weaponized incompetence, final boss.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Twitter account so good even HR wants to see it.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Everyone thinks they’re a badass until seaweed brushes their leg.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

“Don’t bring a knife to a gun fight!” Okay, then explain bayonets to me.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Everyone is awful in their own special way.

Going viral on Facebook:

Sometimes I think I’m too old to make a career change. But then I remember how Walter White went from high school teacher to drug kingpin. Anything is possible!

Going bananas on Discord:

I hope this email keeps you awake at night.

Seen just now on Slack:

I’m always happy when I come home from shopping and the note on the table reminds me of what I wanted to buy.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If I had money, my life would be pretty much the same, but my dogs would destroy much nicer stuff.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Only people who grew up before the internet will remember these: spelling, grammar and punctuation.

Apparently the thirstiest creature in the whole world is always a kid who’s been told to go back to his bed like a hundred times.

Is it fall yet? I really can’t suck my stomach in much longer.

You feel me? Bro, I haven’t felt anything since the Scholastic Book Fair.

“I’ll worry about it next time.” Me pissing off future me.

Prime Video will find the movie you were looking for and then say, “Oops, you gotta pay for it.”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨