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Commentary:
"If I was a weather man, I'd have a radar for beauty and a forecast for charm! ☀️💁‍♂️ Who needs Doppler when you can dazzle with data and charm with charm? 😉🌦️ #WeatherFlirting"

early, flirting, forecast, humor, i, ID, joke, leak, man, pretty, pretty woman, weather, woman, women

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Police officer: please step out of your vehicle. Me: after this song, hold on.

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2 months ago

after, distraction, hold, humor, me, officer, police, response, situation, song, step, vehicle
I’ve never been cut in half by a magician, but I have worn jeans on Thanksgiving. Same thing.

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2 months ago

clothing, comparison, cut, experience, funny comparison, half, humor, i, jeans, magician, never, same, Thanksgiving, thing
I would like to thank my middle finger for always sticking up for me when I needed it.

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2 months ago

expression, finger, gratitude, humor, i, me, middle, middle finger, sticking, sticking up, support, thank
I think I’m closer to retirement than to a relationship.

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2 months ago

age, closer, commitment, dating, humor, i, life, life stage, relationship, retirement, single, stage, think
Scams used to be like “free money!” and now they’re like “hello, we have a job for you”, which seems to be a bad sign.

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2 months ago

bad, bad sign, change, expectations, free, free money, hello, humor, irony, job, money, scam, scams, seems, sign, used
Children will see a neatly hanging dish towel and be like oh hell no.

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2 months ago

chaos, children, dish, dish towel, expectations, hanging, hell, household, humor, neatness, oh, parenting, towel

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

34 shares on WeChat this month:

Pretty sure the inventor of noise-canceling headphones had a young kid trying to learn an instrument.

44 shares on TikTok this month:

When I see chocolate, I hear two voices inside me. One says: “Eat it!”. The other says: “Did you hear that? You’re supposed to eat it!”

62 shares on WeChat this month:

Signatures are so unserious, just “pinky promise” for adults. Write your name in a silly little way on this very important piece of paper so we that we can send you to jail if you do anything wrong.

39 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I don’t understand construction. Like, how do they know what to do next?

27 shares on Snapchat this month:

My cat runs a secret cult. I just pay the rent.

48 shares on Slack this month:

No one watches your story faster than someone who doesn’t talk to you.

89 shares on Telegram this month:

Changing my passwords regularly has certainly helped protect my accounts. Against me.

11 shares on Slack this month:

If these walls could talk, they would definitely say “Wow, this guy really does add cheese to everything after all!”

97 shares on Messenger this month:

I don’t post for money or fame, I post because there’s something seriously wrong with me.

69 shares on Discord this month:

The hottest I ever look is when I’m brushing my teeth in my underwear, but it’s very much a ‘tree falls in the woods’ situation.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

I’ve tasted long-term relationships, I’ve tasted casual dating. I highly recommend focusing on your career and going to sleep before 9 p.m. ..!

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

After you’ve been married a long time, you become able to communicate nonverbally. At least, I’m pretty sure that’s why we never speak.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

Yes, I upload photos with filters because I want to look good. If you want to see the ugly side of me, come to my house.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

Some people graduate with honors, I am just honored to graduate.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

I’m so toxic, I can fight for a relationship I don’t even want.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

They should invent a person for me and me only.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

If my neighbors keep fighting like this, I might need to cancel some of my streaming services.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

Turns out, sitting on the porch, feeding birds and squirrels, is a pretty good treatment for depression.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

I want someone to look at me the way I look at a travel booking website.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

Please don’t take illegal substances. Or at least, don’t take MY illegal substances.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Facebook:

There are too many neglected emojis.

Seen just now on Instagram:

If it’s a ghost ship, why does it have to be on water?

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Obviously, I’m gonna upload pictures with filters and in my best angles. If you wanna see the ugly side of me, come to my house, but bring ice cream.

Shared recently on Discord:

I can’t wait for my mom to come to my new house so she can tell me how I organized the kitchen wrong.

Going viral on Instagram:

Being single: When you don’t have to wait for someone to watch the next Netflix episode.

Trending via TikTok:

Using a condom and still pulling out, call that two-factor authentication.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Dating is the process of meeting someone until you find out what’s wrong with them.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.

Going viral on Instagram:

Okay, new plan, I’m going to marry a Kardashian.

Making waves on Discord:

Are you there, bathroom walls, ceiling, floor, mirror, sink, and towels? It’s me, the kids toothpaste.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If I was a weather man, I’d leak the weather early to pretty women.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Police officer: please step out of your vehicle. Me: after this song, hold on.

I’ve never been cut in half by a magician, but I have worn jeans on Thanksgiving. Same thing.

I would like to thank my middle finger for always sticking up for me when I needed it.

I think I’m closer to retirement than to a relationship.

Scams used to be like “free money!” and now they’re like “hello, we have a job for you”, which seems to be a bad sign.

Children will see a neatly hanging dish towel and be like oh hell no.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨