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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

When I put on weight, it’s around my stomach. When I lose weight, it’s around my legs. I’m not a structural engineer, but that can’t be good.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

I don’t know much, but I know this: the older you get, the faster the number of things you’re willing to wait in line for approaches zero.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

My mental health walks make my mental health worse because I live in a shithole.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

I respect the moon’s unwillingness to be photographed on a phone.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

There must be an opposite of suicide, where someone suddenly and radically decides to start living, and rescues their own life from meaninglessness.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

Maturity is when you realize money can actually buy happiness.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

Any room can be a bathroom if you hate the person who’s house you’re in.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

I learned Morse code, and then I couldn’t sleep because the rain kept telling me to go fuck myself.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

French fries are like the lifeboats on the Titanic. They never give you enough.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

Everybody in the world, stop fighting or no dessert.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,464

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on TikTok:

I bet the inventor of the cannon would be relieved to know that they’re mostly about t-shirts now.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I need to have a ginger ale about this.

Just landed via Facebook:

The first pyramid scheme was when the Egyptians took credit for the pyramids that were clearly built by aliens.

Just landed via Instagram:

Whenever you are feeling down, remember you’re the sperm that won.

Seen just now on Threads:

It seems a little unfair that the people who want to go to bed have to put the people to bed who don’t want to go to bed.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Sleeping in in winter is really great, you still have about an hour of daylight left before it gets dark again.

Live now on X:

My idea of fun is watching something on the TV while I look at relevant Wikipedia articles on my phone.

Just landed via WeChat:

May he drop his phone on his face while he’s texting other girls.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Women are like a fitted sheet. No matter what you do or how hard you try, they just never seem to cooperate.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Until further notice the days of the week are now called thisday, thatday, otherday, someday, yesterday, today and nextday!

If I would’ve known that you were going to ask me what I was thinking, I wouldn’t have been thinking what I was thinking.

2 weeks ago

Witty quote about overthinking and miscommunication, humorous and playful in tone.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Oh, the perils of overthinking and getting caught in the act! 😅 Next time, consider thinking about what you're thinking about before thinking about thinking… Or just pretend to have deep thoughts about the mysteries of the universe instead! 🤔🤭"

confusion, going, humor, i, irony, me, mind, question, self-awareness, thinking, unexpected

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

23 shares on Telegram this month:

Why can’t you just be happy for me and then go home and talk behind my back later like a normal person?

80 shares on X this month:

Journaling was the most useless thing l ever attempted. Not only am I still suffering but now there’s evidence.

50 shares on Pinterest this month:

Netflix subtitles be like “speaking foreign language”. Bro, translate it!

89 shares on Discord this month:

I had zero respect for my boss until he started appearing exclusively by hologram.

11 shares on Instagram this month:

Did you know electronics need smoke to work? Once the smoke comes out of them, they stop working.

39 shares on Reddit this month:

It’s always “your monthly bill is available,” never “this month is on us.”

51 shares on YouTube this month:

And no thanking Jesus unless he actually shows up at the ceremony.

88 shares on Slack this month:

I bought a little notebook to keep track of who’s above the law.

84 shares on WeChat this month:

The sexual tension between me and disappearing without an explanation.

50 shares on Facebook this month:

The amount of family secrets you uncover as you get older is wild.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Shoutout to everyone pretending to have it together. Same.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I haven’t even gone to bed yet and I already can’t wait to get home from work tomorrow.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t mind pulling your cart — I’ve been chasing the carrot anyway, and it’s in the same direction.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Who wants to do all my adult stuff for me today?

7 folks are currently checking 👀

The sluttiest thing a man can do is have an ethical dilemma over his lust for you.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Before marrying someone, listen long and hard to the sounds of their chewing, because that’s the soundtrack to the rest of your life.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing ruins your weekend faster than remembering Monday is lurking in the shadows.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing humbles me faster than my phone camera accidentally turning on.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t have red flags, I have fun facts.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

What if instead of Big Mac it was Big Matt and he came out and said hello to you?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,641

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

Age regressing by coughing like a toddler, with my tongue out.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

If you need me, I will be at the library sniffing old books.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

My wife has a weird habit of starting conversations by saying, “Are you even listening to me?”

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

I’ve never wished a man dead, but I’ve read some obituaries with great pleasure.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

“Why do I feel like shit all the time?” I ask myself, while staring into the flashlight that tells me bad news.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

I’ve just learned terrible news. My department at work is planning a team-building retreat. Thank you for your thoughts during this difficult time.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

I’m addicted to following the rules I made up. And also breaking the rules I made up.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

Please don’t dm me with the intention of dating me. You deserve less.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

We should be able to call in healthy: “I feel amazing today, and I’m not wasting it at work.”

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

Remind the demons under your bed that you’re the landlord, raise the rent.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Facebook:

A man rejecting my advances can’t hurt me. I have a dog who leaves the bed every time I climb in.

Just landed via Telegram:

Even my imaginary friend got bored and left me a note saying ‘we should see other people’

Spotted on Facebook:

I usually don’t flirt, so if I flirt with you, please cooperate.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Being able to notice that a celebrity unfollowed another celebrity is some seriously jobless behaviour.

Just shared via Facebook:

If I had my Pinterest wardrobe, I would be unstoppable.

Trending via Facebook:

I could never be in the mafia, those guys stay up way to late.

Just landed via Pinterest:

High school crushes were crazy because, why the hell was I running all over school just to catch a glimpse of him.

Spotted on WeChat:

My company promotes diversity. We’d never hire twins.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

A woman’s way of flirting is thinking about you until you get the urge to reach out to her.

Seen just now on Reddit:

The term “bisexual” is so confusing. Are you sexual twice a week or once every other week?

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