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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

The only problem I have with chocolate is that one minute it’s there and the next it’s not.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

Waiting for my wife to approve my new year’s resolution of making independent decisions.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

I don’t have read receipts on my phone because why would I tell on myself like that?

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

People out there having five-year plans, and here I am waking up just hoping I remember what day it is.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

In the event of a tornado or other such natural disaster, place wieners and/or cheese slices in your pockets, so the search dogs will find you first.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

A little mystery is the sweetest seduction.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

Women are like apples; I like biting them.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

He’s making a list, he’s checking it twice, he’s leaving the store, he still forgot milk.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

I want to be like a caterpillar. Eat a lot, sleep for a while, and then wake up beautiful.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

Imagine if every time you ate a grape you’d hear a soft voice whisper “that was my son…”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,943

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on TikTok:

I love cutting off Teslas. Like you may not let me merge over but your car sure as hell will.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Not to brag but I don’t even need meditation, my mind goes blank the second someone asks me for directions.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I wish I was a kid again so everyone would be proud of me for taking a long nap.

Going viral on TikTok:

Life is like a helicopter. I don’t know how to operate a helicopter.

Spotted on Slack:

Some people are wise, some folks are otherwise.

Trending via TikTok:

Just got diagnosed with needing a hot chocolate with extra marshmallows.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Sorry I can’t have a pleasant, safe and affordable life, my government said no.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Teens be like, “I wanted to do that until you asked me to.”

Making waves on Telegram:

Male birth control is free, and it’s called wearing Crocs with socks.

Just shared via Slack:

Good morning. May your day be as beautiful as I am.

If I would’ve known that you were going to ask me what I was thinking, I wouldn’t have been thinking what I was thinking.

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If I would’ve known that you were going to ask me what I was thinking, I wouldn’t have been thinking what I was thinking.
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Commentary:
"Oh, the perils of overthinking and getting caught in the act! 😅 Next time, consider thinking about what you're thinking about before thinking about thinking… Or just pretend to have deep thoughts about the mysteries of the universe instead! 🤔🤭"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Social Media Stars ⭐

51 shares on Slack this month:

I wanna be a villain so I can just saunter everywhere. The heroes are always sprinting, always running. You ever seen Darth Vader run? Hell no. And I ain’t about to either.

80 shares on Telegram this month:

Divorcing my wife to focus on my porn addiction.

60 shares on Snapchat this month:

I don’t always have time to fold laundry, but when I do, I don’t.

49 shares on Pinterest this month:

My favorite exercise is a combination of a lunge and a crunch. It’s called lunch.

79 shares on Instagram this month:

Imagine a refund on all the money you spent on alcohol.

72 shares on TikTok this month:

These weekends are starting to feel as long as a lunch break.

51 shares on Messenger this month:

My AI-generated girlfriend is hotter than your real girlfriend.

54 shares on WeChat this month:

December, give me a sweet ending for this year please.

40 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m sorry that I’m canceling plans. I made them last week when I assumed that, by now, I’d be a different person.

97 shares on Reddit this month:

“Clean” my shower? Then what? Give my car a ride into town?

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Is it too late to reset my life back to factory settings?

8 folks are currently checking 👀

With a cat on your lap, you deal better with the crap.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Bag of flesh that acts weird when another bag of flesh doesn’t send symbols on glowing screen.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I wish I understood what some of you said and sometimes I am happy that I don’t.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

The person who invented bowling: “Oh, and we’ll make them wear different shoes for no reason. Clown shoes.”

19 folks are currently checking 👀

“It could be drugs,” I tell myself as I buy more books.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Please just wait until my mating ritual is over before you decide.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I might not put the sparkle in your eyes, but I’ll definitely put the “WTF” wrinkles in your forehead.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I need to be more disciplined and stop procrastinating, starting tomorrow.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,983

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

Getting older is sexy. You moan more.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

I’m going to try and be less of a people pleaser, is everyone ok with that?

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

Humanity doesn’t always make a compelling case for its continued existence.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

People who live in glass houses shouldn’t change clothes.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

My secret talent is turning any situation into a considerably more awkward one.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

The only narcissist I allow in my life is my cat.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

In your 20s, there will be a cat, and it is very important to get that cat and spend so much money on it.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

“AI is coming for your job.” Yeah, I’d like to see AI drink 11 coffees, then have a panic attack.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

Keep your friends close, but your smartphone closer.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

There should be a socially acceptable way to say, “I’m not sure what to say to that. Can you please say something different?”.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Instagram:

Porn is free, so why are you in my DMs?

Going viral on Reddit:

Somewhere there’s a girl ignoring 15 guys for a guy who gives her no attention.

Seen just now on Twitch:

You’re in her DMs. I’m accidentally reposting reels of Tibetan foxes because I don’t know how to use the app anymore.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

New year update: losing everything but weight.

Shared recently on Messenger:

The difference between a biography and an autobiography is self-explanatory.

Just landed via Facebook:

Sorry for bouncing my leg. I’m not allowed to bash my head into the walls anymore.

Going viral on Facebook:

People who work in customer service should be allowed to fight one customer a day. Two on Fridays.

Spotted on WeChat:

Everyone’s a gangster until their doorbell rings.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Online dating is stupid because scent is such an important factor of attraction.

Breaking via Facebook:

Reading a book is nice, but reading a book in the middle of the night when everyone is asleep is even better, it’s therapeutic.

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