If Shakespeare were being born today, he’d be “Shaxxespyr.”

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What an embarrassing time to be alive.

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The term “domestic housewife” implies the existence of a feral housewife and that is what I aspire to be.

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Can we bring back the lost art of just hanging out at your friends house doing absolutely nothing?

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

Milk teeth are wasted on children. A new set of teeth would be a lot more useful when you’re older.

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It’d be nice if my bank account filled up as quickly as my laundry basket.

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Do you also watch porn until the end to see if they end up getting married?

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I’m not good at solving Pi, but I’m really good at eating it.

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When I look at the world, I realize why Noah only took animals with him.

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Please don’t interrupt me when I’m trying to overhear something.

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I’m now at the age where happy hour is a nap.