If you think about it, Santa really has the best job, he works one day a year and spends the rest of his time judging people.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

Don’t invite me places. I was cesarean. I didn’t want to come out then and I certainly don’t want to now.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

Flies are literally obsessed with flying into a room, then pretending they can’t get out. Grow up.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

If I was a star and you were a star, I would wink at you and blink at you and twinkle at you and the earthlings would call it science.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

I don’t always have time to fold laundry, but when I do, I don’t.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

My ego is bruised so I’m going to ice it with some cold beer.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

That “so we done?” be saving the relationship every time.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

April fools prank: replace all the sugar in your house with cocaine.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

Has anybody else completely lost it or is it just me and Kanye?

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

Problems are like balls. Everyone thinks they have bigger ones than you.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

Parents be like “why aren’t you eating, don’t you like my food?” and after you eat a ton, they’ll say “you look a little chubby, maybe you should eat less.”