Wordgag 🎅

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

Nature just builds 30 foot trees. Without even pulling a permit.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

Can someone please help me, I’m still at the Fyre Festival.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

Turning in bad essays to professors you have a personal relationship with is the most humiliating thing ever.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

I don’t get involved in anyone’s business, let alone their drama. You should try it.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

If you’re going through hell, keep going.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

My dentist said my teeth were stained and asked if I smoke or drink coffee? I said, “I drink it.”

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

I admire how time manages to quickly heal wounds but takes forever to remove awkward tan lines.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

All I’m saying is that big burgers should be wider not taller.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

Wisdom of the day: Don’t do anything you don’t want to explain to the paramedic.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

Dear people who talk on speakerphone out in public. Everyone around you hates you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

509 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,102

Funny Quotes Topics

17,252

Funny Quotes Images

15,102

Dec 24, 2025

4,025

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Instagram:

The belief that software engineers are uniquely intelligent has done unimaginable damage on society.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Went to bed with wet hair and woke up looking like I might know a lot about astrophysics.

Live now on Slack:

People always love to claim that a celebrity’s death is “unexpected”, but they never actually release the data on which celebrities they expected to die that day.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Why do fish stink so much even though they bathe their whole lives?

Just shared via Reddit:

According to autocorrect, my favorite Star Wars character is Bob’s Feet.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I don’t understand why “family-run” should be a sign of quality. North Korea, for example, is also family-run and doesn’t convince me at all.

Just shared via Threads:

“You replied so quickly.” God forbid I wait like a dog to hear from you again.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I’m so jealous of people who know how to shut up. I shut up, and subtitles come out my face.

Going viral on Instagram:

Being a social worker is crazy because those are literally my two least favorite things.

Freshly posted on X:

Starting my period on election day because I’m a true patriot who bleeds for this country.

If you wish me a happy Thanksgiving, don’t be surprised if I whip out a ziplock bag and ask you to bring me home some leftovers.

2 months ago

0

If you wish me a happy Thanksgiving, don’t be surprised if I whip out a ziplock bag and ask you to bring me home some leftovers.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the true spirit of Thanksgiving – not just a celebration of gratitude, but also a strategic operation for securing the best leftovers! It's like a tasty treasure hunt where the real prize is that second helping of pumpkin pie. So, if you're hoping for well-wishes, better come prepared with a Tupperware and a hearty appetite! Happy Turkey Day and may your fridge always be full."

bag, bring, food, happy, holiday, home, humor, leftover, me, request, Thanksgiving, wish, ziplock, ziplock bag

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

What’s really missing is a day between Saturday and Sunday.

0

2 months ago

day, humor, missing, relaxation, Saturday, Sunday, time, weekend, wish
I should’ve been a crow. They get to fly around looking goth as hell and seeking retribution. Instead, I have to go to an office and work on my ‘people skills.’

0

2 months ago

around, crisis, crow, fly, goth, hell, humor, i, identity, identity crisis, looking, office, people, people skill, retribution, seeking, skill, skills, work
Glory hole but for forehead kisses.

0

2 months ago

affection, forehead, forehead kiss, glory, glory hole, hole, humor, intimacy, joke, kiss, playful, relationship
The internet is making people stupid. Not me, though.

0

2 weeks ago

humor, internet, irony, making, me, people, self-awareness, stupid, stupidity
I saw The Blair Witch Project way too young and it made me afraid of projects.

0

2 months ago

afraid, blair, Blair Witch, childhood, comedy, fear, horror, humor, i, me, movie, project, saw, too, witch, young
Gonna break into your house, toast all your bread and put it back in the bag.

0

2 months ago

activity, back, bag, bread, break, break in, funny activity, house, humor, joke, prank, put, toast

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Social Media Stars ⭐

47 shares on Telegram this month:

Remember when a series of unfortunate events was a book and not your life?

25 shares on Reddit this month:

“I’ve had cigarettes that were better than entire years of my life.”

81 shares on Pinterest this month:

What a bleak life it must be if you’ve never had a drink shoot through your nose when you laugh.

42 shares on YouTube this month:

Cannabis has many benefits. For example, it makes you retarded. But in addition, it also makes you lazy. No worries though, it also makes you fat and insane.

12 shares on YouTube this month:

A lot of childhood characters weren’t so much beloved as there wasn’t anything else on the TV.

29 shares on Reddit this month:

Had an interview today, and my belly rumbled. The lady goes, “Missed lunch?” I told her, “Nah, I’m hungry for success!”

90 shares on Instagram this month:

Your life can’t fall apart if you never had it together.

29 shares on Pinterest this month:

Bad news. Right now is as young as you’re going to be.

64 shares on Facebook this month:

If love is the answer then what was the question?

71 shares on WeChat this month:

My cats won’t talk to me because I came home late from work.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Probably always gonna be the weirdo that believes in magic.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Work for a living? In this economy?

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve surpassed the need for coffee, for I have evolved into a higher state of awesome.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes your ankle takes a vacation while you’re walking.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s not my fault that when I said you looked “stunning” you assumed I meant in a positive way.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

The urge to buy people gifts they’ve mentioned they liked once.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I can’t go to war, I have to water my plants.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

80 percent of my life now is just “hmmmm… should I bring my jacket or not?”

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I think my leftovers are old enough to throw themselves away.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Hey, wanna intertwine delusions and make them a reality or nah?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

509 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,102

Funny Quotes Topics

17,252

Funny Quotes Images

15,102

Updated

Dec 24, 2025

Users Online

3,709

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

I had no idea being an adult would involve so many lotions.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

Starting is the hardest part. Unless it’s eating chocolate. Then stopping is the hardest part.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

So crazy to just be living every day through the slow-motion car crash of escalating fascism, and it’s still like, “Aww, man, I have to go to the dentist.”

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

The actors who signed on to that first Avatar movie have job security like no other in Hollywood.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

Before sleeping, most people will imagine stuff they want to happen. Like sleeping.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

I keep forgetting i’m at the age where people will tell me they’re pregnant and my reaction is supposed to be positive.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

My phone is on Do Not Disturb because I am disturbed enough as it is.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

Why can’t hackers just delete everyone’s bad debt, credit, and mortgages?

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

Marriage is scary, what if he doesn’t want our house to look like my Pinterest board.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

Gimme coffee or I’ll sleep amok!

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Slack:

It’s been my experience that people seem a lot nicer before we get married.

Shared recently on X:

Sure I collect antiques, if you count the late-century spices in my pantry.

Shared recently on X:

Twitter is just a diary I choose to show to strangers.

Breaking via Reddit:

My dog pisses on every election sign regardless of political party so I have no idea who he is voting for.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Maybe her DMs haven’t been working for 2 months.

Going viral on TikTok:

It’s weird how horses can run so fast but still suck at every other sport.

Making waves on Telegram:

I do not want to have a career. I want to sit on the porch.

Making waves on WeChat:

The pain of watching a movie with someone who talks a lot.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Don’t put words in my mouth—that’s where the hot dogs go.

Going viral on Instagram:

I really hope that I look like the mirror version of me, and not the camera version.

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