Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Who needs a bedtime story when you have the magical cure-all for dehydration? 🚰💤 Just a parent's clever way of ensuring hydration levels stay afloat! Cheers to bedtime, the universal solution for everything! 🌙😂"

advice, bedtime, drinking, humor, hydration, kids, parenting, tell, water

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Twitter is a prime example why most of us shouldn’t be left unsupervised.

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2 months ago

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Men don’t chew on toothpicks all day anymore.

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5 months ago

chew, chewing, day, habit, humor, men, nostalgia, toothpick
My passport probably thinks I’m in prison.

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2 months ago

adventure, confinement, humor, identity, passport, prison, travel
Anyone who wants to learn how to be humble, feel free to talk to me. There’s nothing like learning from the best.

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2 months ago

anyone, arrogance, best, comedy, confidence, feel, free, humble, humility, humor, joke, learn, learning, me, nothing, sarcasm, satire, self-deprecating, talk, wants, witty
Turtles made out of plastic, problem solved.

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2 months ago

creativity, humor, joke, plastic, problem, solve, turtle, turtles
I was going to go for a run, then realized I could just run my mouth on here.

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4 months ago

exercise, going, here, humor, i, just, mouth, procrastination, run, running, talking

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

68 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I changed my alarm clock sound to an applause, it’s the least I deserve for waking up at 7am.

25 shares on Facebook this month:

I think more people would actually heal from their trauma if they got revenge.

42 shares on Telegram this month:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but I think people who say ‘I don’t know who needs to hear this’ know exactly who needed to hear it.

41 shares on Facebook this month:

When my friends and I talk about sex, it’s never sexual. It feels scientific, almost.

98 shares on YouTube this month:

I never knew how fast I could write until the teacher said pencils down.

52 shares on LinkedIn this month:

There should be a three-day weekend: one day to do nothing, one day to do something, and one day to do laundry.

51 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If men didn’t exist, I would simply go for a 2 a.m. walk every night and listen to music in my AirPods.

68 shares on TikTok this month:

Sometimes I have to remind myself to put down my iPhone, go outside, and judge people in person.

35 shares on Discord this month:

I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted without gaining weight. Now I pick up a fork and gain seven pounds.

62 shares on Slack this month:

I tried being the bigger person but all it got me was type 2 diabetes.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

Croutons feel like an apology. “Sorry we gave you salad. Have some consolation toast.”

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

Babies invented being in a bad mood for no reason, and they continue to innovate in the field.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

It’s never too early to be sad about having to work the next day.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

Commenting “AI slop” on a high school acquaintance’s Instagram post of their newborn baby.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

The ‘E’ in my name stands for ‘Everything you need.’

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

I’m almost finished reading your tweet. Love it so far.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

I like to establish dominance by yawning the minute someone tries to make small talk with me.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

I tried to scream into the abyss today but got a busy signal.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

Sorry for what I said when I was drunk. I meant every word.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

Cinderella was a mess. I mean, I have bad taste in men, but at least I never settled for a guy who couldn’t remember what my face looked like.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via TikTok:

Life is just a series of obstacles preventing you from reading your book.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I now also have a device that tells me whether I’ve taken enough steps today. If I don’t make it one day, it barks and poops in my apartment.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

What is that job called where you put the little stickers on fruit? I think I would be good at that.

Making waves on Facebook:

Wife bought something on FB Marketplace, but she’s afraid she’ll get kidnapped, so she sends me to pick it up from a guy whose wife sent him because she’s afraid to get kidnapped.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

We live in a time where intelligent people are being silenced, so that stupid people won’t be offended.

Making waves on Discord:

The first 7 days of the week aren’t for me.

Making waves on Instagram:

Why did they call it K-pop and not Seoul music?

Spotted on Discord:

I wish I was as tired at bedtime as I am at 2 p.m. on any given day.

Trending via Threads:

A gentleman opens doors and brings flowers. A man smacks your ass and pulls your hair. A soulmate does both.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If your kids aren’t drinking enough water, tell them it’s bedtime.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Twitter is a prime example why most of us shouldn’t be left unsupervised.

Men don’t chew on toothpicks all day anymore.

My passport probably thinks I’m in prison.

Anyone who wants to learn how to be humble, feel free to talk to me. There’s nothing like learning from the best.

Turtles made out of plastic, problem solved.

I was going to go for a run, then realized I could just run my mouth on here.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨