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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

How is every author the #1 New York Times bestseller?

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

Let the kids believe in Santa. I believed the Undertaker and Kane were brothers.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

Dating someone from Twitter is like choosing your spouse from a mental hospital.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

In your 20s, you’ll meet a short man. It’s very important you jump over him.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

If you want your kid to play with their toy just give it to your other kid. Follow me for more parenting hacks.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

The term “bisexual” is so confusing. Are you sexual twice a week or once every other week?

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

I’m just going to be hotter. It’s easier than being nicer.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

Okay, seen enough, someone put a blanket over my cage.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

Diplomacy is the art of sending someone to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

Within a week, we’ve had a major jewel heist, a mafia-involved poker ring, and sports gambling corruption. We’re living in the 1920s.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

236 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,505

Funny Quotes Topics

17,570

Funny Quotes Images

15,505

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,324

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Threads:

Hey (with the intention of making your fries my fries).

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I told the trees what you did. Be wary when you enter the forest next.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Nothing humbles me faster than my phone camera accidentally turning on.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Imagine she’s home alone, bored out of her mind, and she STILL won’t put that laundry away. She is me.

Going viral on Slack:

Whoever said “out of sight, out of mind” never had a spider disappear inside their tent.

Spotted on Threads:

I love when my grandma texts me — because I know it took her an hour.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I got one brain cell left and it moves around my head like a Windows screensaver.

Trending via Reddit:

Sorry I marked myself as safe on Facebook after your PowerPoint presentation.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

You never know how strong you are until someone’s story runs more than 5 minutes long.

Trending via Threads:

My couch better stop looking at me like that, it knows exactly what it’s doing.

If you’re not happy single you won’t be happy married. Happiness comes from eating food, not from relationships.

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If you’re not happy single you won’t be happy married. Happiness comes from eating food, not from relationships.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs romance when you have a fridge full of delicious food? 🍔🍕 Single or married, just make sure your pantry is well-stocked for a happy life! 😉🥗 #FoodOverLove"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

43 shares on Facebook this month:

Went for a walk. Very pleasant evening. The squirrels and rabbits kept running away from me. That stung a little. I will remember their faces.

74 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m not climbing a hill if I’m dying. That sounds terrible. I’ll die on this chair. Drinking orange Fanta.

99 shares on YouTube this month:

I like how people say “travel safely” like I’m the one flying the plane.

40 shares on Reddit this month:

Welcome to your 50s, your joints are now meteorologists.

67 shares on Facebook this month:

I call my smoke detector Gordon Ramsay, because every time I cook it screams at me.

94 shares on Messenger this month:

If you’re doing Dry January, please, please, keep it to yourself. Nobody cares, and you’re probably even more boring without alcohol.

91 shares on Facebook this month:

Half princess, half menace.

33 shares on Pinterest this month:

If I’m reading my Twitter feed correctly, Jennifer Aniston killed JFK.

77 shares on Slack this month:

The thing about Pink Floyd is they take a little while to start singing.

71 shares on Telegram this month:

Ripped a tag off my leggings and did not realize it was load-bearing.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Looking for someone to take to couples therapy and see how long it takes the therapist to notice we don’t know each other.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I commented to a friend that I didn’t know how goofy Scream was. It turns out I have never seen Scream. I saw Scary Movie.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

We were supposed to have flying cars and other cool stuff, but instead we have AI videos showing Michael Jackson eat at McDonald’s.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s lowkey nothing else to do except become a better version of yourself, lol.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

The perfect number of cats is two stupid cats. Preferably siblings. But they can’t both be the same type of stupid. One needs to be stupid (dumb) and one needs to be stupid (annoying).

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Delete a letter of his name from your contacts every time he makes you upset. When his name’s gone, he’s gone. Hangman that boy.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Becoming a man doesn’t happen the first time you fight or make love. It happens the first time you see the gas bill and remind everyone that we aren’t trying to heat the outside.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Let’s be honest. The best moment of the day is when we take off our bra.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Starting the second half of your sandwich is like “hell yeah, baby, let’s run it back!”

16 folks are currently checking 👀

For introverts, the worst kind of head-on collision is running directly into the person we’re avoiding at the grocery store.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

236 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,505

Funny Quotes Topics

17,570

Funny Quotes Images

15,505

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,680

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

I love reading a menu. Look at all this stuff I want to eat.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

I’m pretty sure I fall under the percentage of people who’ve eaten the sticker on the apple.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

You don’t scare me. You’re not the evil eye I get from my dog when I make him get up from the couch so I can lay down.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

I’ve noticed the best way to get somebody’s attention is to not want it anymore.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

Today, I want to talk about how people’s houses smell funny, but mine doesn’t.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

“Don’t take this the wrong way!” Translation: Prepare for insult.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

I want this laziness removed from my body.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

Perhaps the best thing about getting older is that I no longer want to know everything.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

Why does everyone force introverts to leave their comfort zone, but no one forces extroverts to shut up for a while?

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

When life closes a door, just open it again. It’s a door, that’s how they work.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Pinterest:

Girls Just Want To Have Naan

Spotted on Slack:

Being skinny may be nice, but chicken nuggets are even nicer.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Is this art or trash?

Live now on Twitch:

My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list that I was making, and now, I can’t read anything.

Just landed via Threads:

Did anyone else use grocery bags as textbook covers, or was I just that poor?

Going viral on Threads:

Your honor, my client wasn’t trying to stab the victim. He was checking to see if he was cake.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

We have decided to sell the house. How long do you think it will take for our landlord to find out?

Seen just now on TikTok:

I have this ability where I can look at someone’s profile picture and determine whether they are evil or not.

Spotted on Twitch:

UNO is based on luck unless I win, then it’s based on strategy, and I’m a genius.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

If you love me, please don’t ask me to go camping with you.

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